Some one Please grade my Essay

[JasmineRose]

Hello Everone,

Hope this finds you all well. I would appreciate it very much if someone could take off some time and grade my essay.



Do you Agree or disagree? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answers.


Parents are the first teachers in our lives in most cases. But however they can’t always be the best teachers for various reasons. Like some parents do not know themselves what best means, or they may be uneducated, they could have the wrong psychology or the wrong out look towards life, they may not have extensive knowledge and they could be adamant. There could many other people who could influence and make a difference on an individual.

All people are not alike and each person has their own perspective and if that perspective is some thing that is a lot different from how the world thinks then bet you such a person is trying to help grow a socially in-adaptable person. They could be violent, cruel, selfish all these things could be learnt by the child unconsciously.

Some parents are uneducated. They give naive advices and tend to become angry when their advice is ignored. They don’t understand easily and just try to boss around. I came across such gross situations so many times. A mother was saying eggplants give allergies so they should not be used at all. Every time her son brings home eggplants and eats she keeps nagging around and in another family the father thinks that, because he has sugar and High BP and has to reduce salt and intake of sugar, his kids should also reduce the intake to avoid contracting it. Isn’t it funny?

I had a warden in my boarding school a Sister Joseph Gabriel may her soul rest in peace now but I will remember her in every walk of my life. She is not only a mentor but also an idol to me. She had the perfect personality and for me she was the best teacher. She not only taught me the ways of life but also, to live with conscious, to be selfless, to be confident, to behave properly, to dance and also to sing.

Hence in my opinion parents are not necessarily the best teachers in our lives. There could others who could influence us and teach the best things when parents are ignorant and mal- adjusted.


Thank you.

[incinka]

What a great essay! You have a broadness of vocabulary I personally could only dream of! [|)]
I'm sure you can get a 5.5 or 6.0!

But perhaps if you used some more linking words as "for instance", "in addition", "conversely" etc., it would make your essay a little bit easier to read.

And maybe you have repeated "could" a few times too frequently...

I'm not a teacher, so don't take it for granted what I'm saying!

best wishes,
incinka.

P.S.: Perhaps you could comment my essay in turn?

[aioria]

Hello , I´ll try to correct some mistakes that I can see in your essay , only the ones that seem to be clearer to me.

Originally posted by JasmineRose

Hello Everone,

Hope this finds you all well. I would appreciate it very much if someone could take off some time and grade my essay.



Do you Agree or disagree? Parents are the best teachers. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answers.


Parents are the first teachers in our lives in most cases. But however(Not sure is But and however can be together ? ) they can’t always be the best teachers for various reasons. Like some parents do not know themselves what best means, or they may be uneducated, they could have the wrong psychology or the wrong out look (outlook)towards life, they may not have extensive knowledge and they could be adamant. There could ( I think be must be added here) many other people who could influence and make a difference on an individual.

All people are not alike and each person has their (its) own perspective and if that perspective is some thing that is a lot different from how the world thinks then bet you such a person is trying to help grow a socially in-adaptable person. They could be violent, cruel, selfish all these things could be learnt by the child unconsciously.
( it was not very easy to me to understand this paragraph :o)

Some parents are uneducated. They give naive advices and tend to become angry when their advice is ignored. They don’t understand easily and just try to boss around. I came across such gross situations so many times. A mother was saying eggplants give allergies so they should not be used at all. Every time her son brings home eggplants and eats (what does the son eat? , maybe "them" would fit here) she keeps nagging around and in another family the father thinks that, because he has sugar and High BP and has to reduce salt and intake of sugar, his kids should also reduce the intake to avoid contracting it. Isn’t it funny?

I had a warden in my boarding school a Sister Joseph Gabriel may her soul rest in peace now but I will remember her in every walk of my life. She is not only a mentor but also an idol to me. She had the perfect personality and for me she was the best teacher. She not only taught me the ways of life but also, to live with conscious, to be selfless, to be confident, to behave properly, to dance and also to sing.

Hence in my opinion parents are not necessarily the best teachers in our lives. There could (another"be") others who could influence us and teach the best things when parents are ignorant and mal- adjusted.


Thank you.

I know there are more mistakes but I´m not sure about them . I´m not accustomed to do this , maybe I could be wrong in some corrections.
Just wanted to help you a little

[JasmineRose]

Thank you aioria, That was sweet of you.