Please grade my essay

[rose0550]

· A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on you community. Do you support or oppose the factory?

I believe, building a factory will be a positive impact on my community. The reasons are:

Firstly, we all know about how badly the economy is these days. The unemployment rate in U.S is almost 10%. In these tough times, building a factory helps our community. The factory has many jobs. The unemployed person, in our community, can get a job in the factory and provide basic needs to his/her family. The unemployment rate will gradually be reduced.

Secondly, as people can find jobs, they pay taxes. The tax the factory pays is a also part of the revenue for the community. By using this revenue, we can improve the infra-structure or development other things, the community need. By that, life style will be improved. People will move to our communities. Real-estate value will also increase. Moreover, if more people are there, to fulfill their needs more stores and homes have to build.

But, some people think that building a factory can pollute the area. This is true, but the technology has been improved a lot. They are using most effective technologies to minimize the pollution. Another thing, most people disagree was, the cost of living. The cost of food and other basic needs will be increased. But it wont be a problem if every one in town is employed.

By considering all the reasons, the decrease in unemployment and the improvement of lifestyle of all the people in my community, I support the idea of building a factory in my community

 

 

This is my first essay.

[rose0550]

Help me someone!!!

[san2612]

Help me someone!!!

I'm a bit busy these months

A company has announced that it wishes to build a large factory near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on you community. Do you support or oppose the factory?

 

I believe, building a factory will be a positive impact on my community. The reasons are:

 

Firstly, we all know about how badly the economy is these days. The unemployment rate in U.S is almost 10%. In these tough times, building a factory helps our community. The factory has many jobs. The unemployed person, in our community, can get a job in the factory and provide basic needs to his/her family. The unemployment rate will gradually be reduced.

 

Secondly, as people can find jobs, they pay taxes. The tax the factory pays is a also part of the revenue for the community. By using this revenue, we can improve the infra-structure or development other things, the community need. By that, lifestyle will be improved. People will move to our communities. Real-estate value will also increase. Moreover, if more people are there, to fulfill their needs more stores and homes have to build.

 

But, some people think that building a factory can pollute the area. This is true, but the technology has been improved a lot. They are using themost effective technologies to minimize the pollution. Another thing, most people disagree was, the cost of living. The cost of food and other basic needs will be increased. But it wont be a problem if everyone in town is employed.

 

By considering all the reasons, the decrease in unemployment and the improvement of lifestyle of all the people in my community, I support the idea of building a factory in my community

 

 

 

* grammar and vocabulary: correct the words in red

* contends: Here is my suggestion

+The opening paragraph: try such longer sentences:

 

Building a factory will have a great impact on my community. Although there are some disadvantages, I strongly believe that the advantages overweigh the disadvantages. Thus, I support the idea of building a factory in my community.

 

+The second paragraph: concentrate in the economic. Don’t state the unemployment.

 

Firstly, we all know about how bad the economy is these days.

 

I find the economic is developing. The unemployment doesn’t prove that economic is bad, and indeed, employment is just a result of machine replacement.

 

The most worthwhile benefit that a large factory brings to my community is the development of economic. In large cities, those large factories are quiet common and this helps the cities thrive and advanced. More and more products are manufactured and more taxes a large factory pays each month (add an example)

 

+ The third paragraph: a large factory helps solve unemployment problem

 

• State the unemployment rate: The unemployment rate in U. S is almost 10%.(in which year?)
  
• people can find jobs à family wares à better lifestyle
  

+The forth paragraph: disadvantage: pollute the environment

 

(It is quite common in my country. Industrial factories always release industrial smoke and dust and discharge rubbish and chemicals to rivers, which adversely pollutes the surrounding environment. à People get annoyed and some who can not put up with it make a project to reject those factories. + an example )

 

+ The fifth paragraph:

 

However, the problem about pollution can be gradually solved.

 

• They are using themost effective technologies to minimize the pollution.(add example) (There are air pollution control technologies and water pollution control technologies)
  

• It will be fair for a company to do its production without harming the environment
  

+The conclusion: good

Edited March 29, 2010 by san2612

[rose0550]

Thank you So much for evaluation.