rose0550 Posted March 30, 2010 Share Posted March 30, 2010 · “When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success”. Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position. Some people argue that; a person’s success depend on his/her hard work and others argue that luck places an important role. I believe hard work helps a person to succeed. May be luck also plays an important role, but hard work is the most important key to success. There are many scientists, famous persons, athletes who worked really hard to fulfill their dreams. The most obvious and an important example is Isaac Newton. He made a brilliant and many important discoveries which we use every day. He had done his experiments hundred times before he came up with an ultimate result. He didn’t just depend on luck, he worked hard for it. In case of athletes they work really hard to succeed in the competition. They all will work 18 hours a day. They can’t really pray to god to bring them luck; they all have to work hard. Considering my personal experience, I believe in hard work. I have written GRE three times with no success because I didn’t put much effort and thought that luck is on my side. But for the 4th time I worked 12 hours a day. The hard work finally paid off when I scored more than what I actually expected. In conclusion, with my personal experience and considering all the famous people achievement I always say hard work is the key to success. If you work hard, no one needs luck to success. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
san2612 Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 “When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success”. Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position. The introduction Some people argue that (;) a person’s success depends on his/her hard work while (and) others argue that luck plays (places) an important role. I believe hard work helps a person to succeed. Some people argue that people’ successes depend on their hard work while others insist that luck also play an equal important role. From my perspective, I believe that it is hard work that helps people succeed in their life. The second paragraph: hard work is the most important key to succeed May be luck also plays an important role, but hard work is the most important key to success. There are many scientists, famous persons, athletes who worked really hard to fulfill their dreams. The most obvious and (an) important example is Isaac Newton, an English mathematician and physicist. He made (a ) many brilliant and (many) important discoveries that is useful in our daily life (which we use every day). He had done his experiments hundred times before (he came) coming up with an ultimate result. He did(n’t) not just depend on luck(,) but he worked hard for it. Luck may take a role in reaching our goal, but hard work is the government factor. There are many scientists, famous athletes working really hard to fulfill their dream. The most obvious and important example is Isaac Newton, an English mathematician and physicist. He made many brilliant and important discoveries that is useful in our daily life. He did He had done his experiments hundred times before coming up with an ultimate result. He did not wait for luck bringing success but worked hard to achieve it. The third paragraph: you only give examples without any main ideas In case of athletes, they work really hard to succeed in the competition. They all have to (will) work 18 hours a day. They can(’t) not really pray to god to bring them luck; they all have to work hard. Considering my personal experience, I believe in hard work. I have written GRE three times with no success because I didn’t put much effort and thought that luck is on my side. But for the 4th time I worked 12 hours a day. The hard work finally paid off when I scored more than what I actually expected. The conclusion: In conclusion, with my personal experience and considering all the famous people achievement I always say hard work is the key to success. ( [if you work hard, no one needs luck to success.])__contentious sentence “Success is where preparation and opportunity meet.” Bobby Unser If you work hard without luck, can you be successful? Please delete the words in brackets I would like to see your rewriting the third paragraph. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rose0550 Posted March 31, 2010 Author Share Posted March 31, 2010 Thank you so much. You want me to correct (did not) in place of (didn't). can you tell me why? and also what is the problem with thrid paragraph? Is it because i mentioned the exam name?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Manzor Posted March 31, 2010 Share Posted March 31, 2010 Hey! Look, in 3rd u had to illustrate main concept/idea/key factor/reason. Instead, you simply provided some experiences from your own life. For example. It should be like hmmm It's like making tea without water. Water->general concept. tea->example.( I know it sounds silly but still ...:D ) 1)hard work Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
san2612 Posted April 1, 2010 Share Posted April 1, 2010 (edited) Avoid abbreviating "did not" to "didn't". It may affect your score in the real exam. I simply said that (also just like what Manzor said) The second paragraph: hard work is the most important key to succeed The third paragraph: you only give examples without any main ideas That's why you need to rewrite the third paragraph. Find a suitable idea there istead of giving two examples It's a nice topic so I would like to see how you correct your essay. Edited April 1, 2010 by san2612 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rose0550 Posted April 5, 2010 Author Share Posted April 5, 2010 Hi san2612, Thanks for the reply.I have no idea what to write in the thrid paragraph. can you give me an example? Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
san2612 Posted April 5, 2010 Share Posted April 5, 2010 sYou needn’t to change so much, just add some sentences and separate your third paragraph into two. There are three main ideas: Hard work is the key to success _In education _In sport _From my personal experience. At first, I didn’t find your main idea in the third paragraph; however, you can add some transitions to make it clearer “When people succeed, it is because of hard work. Luck has nothing to do with success”. Do you agree or disagree with the quotation above? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your position. Some people argue that people’ successes depend on their hard work while others insist that luck also play an equal important role. From my perspective, I believe that it is hard work that helps people succeed in their life. Luck may take a role in reaching our goal, but hard work is the government factor. In education area, there are many scientists, famous athletes working really hard to fulfill their dream. The most obvious and important example is Isaac Newton, an English mathematician and physicist. He made many brilliant and important discoveries that is useful in our daily life. He did his experiments hundred times before coming up with an ultimate result. The great inventor did not wait for luck bringing success but work hard to achieve it. In sport, we can see every athlete has a very vigorous training schedule to succeed in their competitions. They spend many hours each day practicing skills and improving teamwork under the guidance of a coach or a sports instructor. The record of their success proves that hard work never fails and success comes through persistence. Considering my personal experience, I believe in hard work. I have written GRE three times with no success because I did(n’t) not put much effort and thought that luck (is) was on my side. But for the 4th time I worked 12 hours a day for the exam. The hard work finally paid off when I scored more than what I actually expected. In conclusion, with my personal experience and considering all the famous people’s achievements I always say hard work is the key to success. [if you work hard, no one needs luck to success.] Note: _[They all will work 18 hours a day. They can’t really pray to god to bring them luck; they all have to work hard.]__contentious sentence. Athletes pray to God in critical situation and when they success, God awards their hard work. (It is called “luck”. In the other words, luck is a kind of award that God dispenses to his believers for their hard work) _It’s important to work on the conclusion. I’m looking forward to seeing your correction. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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