Can you grade my essay ?

[ashaa]

People attend school for many different reasons (for example, expanded knowledge, societal awareness, and enhanced interpersonal relationships). Why do you think people decide to go to school? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

 

Schools found since history, in different shapes and structures and for sure by different names, but it had one fundamental thing stable that is the educational delivery, many people have different needs of attending school, for some it's about knowing new things, for other it's about discipline, depending on each person's needs and wants each one have his own reason .

 

For the people who want to learn new things, school will offer a huge benefit for them, for instance teaching materials is a resume of experience happened with someone or an experiment that is written, and shared by another, and this shared knowledge will take the student to a higher level of education, which will lead them to ask for more and more, as education is a passion for knowledge lover.

 

On the other hand many people see schools as an opportunity for the child to get use on discipline ,so in school a child will learn the hierarchies ,how to behave with others ,waking up at certain time ,and do some homework ,those things can't be delivered by parents due to their passion that act as a barrier, especially when real life is VERY far of what child had see and learned in his home.

 

As I shown before, what ever the intent of the person, either for education or for discipline, attending school is the first fundamental preparing passage that person should go through it and it will remain essential for human development.

[Sheila]

for them isn't needed in " For the people who want to learn new things, school will offer a huge benefit for them"

student should be plural in the "and shared by another, and this shared knowledge will take the student to a higher level of" since you used "thenm" in "which will lead them to ask"

you don't want to contrast two things in third paragraph, so it better to say "furthermore" in "On the other hand many people see schools" instead of "On the other hand"

good luck

[ashaa]

I really appreciate your help, i wrote this essay in 30 min it's my first attempt since 3 years, faults look now obvious to me

Thanks again .

[Sheila]

you're completely welcome.

Good Luck