Irrational Posted October 14, 2010 Share Posted October 14, 2010 Hello guys, I just finished my first essay in a TWE setting (30 minutes). I used the first 10 minutes to set up a rough structure and then started developing the ideas. I used the last 5 minutes for review and correction. I am happy about any comments and suggestions about my procedure and about the essay itself :) This was the rough structure: "Intro Clearly prefer to eat at food stands or restaurants. I1 Efficiency You dont have to learn. It takes less time. No worries about dishes I2 Variety Eat things you didnt event know they exist. Familiar dishes in different ways. I3 Different places You meet new people, food stand talk. You see different restaurants. I4 Social aspect It is a culture of "having dinner" together you learn and get used to. Might be career important. Conclusion Though student it is worth they money, du to variety. Bon Appetit." And this is the result: "Since the beginnings of human culture people have prepared food for others in the exchange of money. I've always preferred these opportunities over self prepared food and would like to explain my preference in the following essay. Firstly the efficiency of eating at a food stand or restaurant appeals to my economic thinking. It relieves the burden of buying, cleaning, peeling, cutting and cooking the ingredients. You can forget also about the dishes. Professional cooks have developed some routing with the food preparation process thus you additionally save time in total. Recent research has proven that variety is a determinant of happiness. If I go out to grab food I might stumble upon dishes I did not even know they exist. Moreover even familiar dishes might be prepared in ways I am either to clumsy or to uncreative to prepare. By eating in a restaurant I can overcome these personal inherent limitations. Besides variety a good social life is a crucial cause of my well-being. Only at the traditional food stand around the corner I can enjoy the company of people I've known for years as well as see new faces everyday. In summary the efficient, variant and social lifestyle that concurs with eating outside home is definitely worth any extra money." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vananhdo Posted October 21, 2010 Share Posted October 21, 2010 Dear Irrational I have some personal comments on your essay. I haven't taken the TOEFL test, so it is just my personal ideas. Hope it helps. Your essay is clear and well organized. However, you should consider the use of commas between clauses or transition words. For example: Since the beginnings of human culture, people Firstly, the efficiency If I go out to grab food, I might Moreover, even familiar In summary, You should add more specific examples to make your essay more fascinating. A more efficient essay should be longer (about 400 words if possible) so that you can exhibit your proficient use of words, phrases and grammars in English. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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