raoni Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Watching television is bad for children. Use specific details and examples to support your answer. This essay has 322 words I have already checked fore spelling errors with Microsoft word. Please take your time to read comment and why not grade me. My CBT will be next Thursday so I really need your help. Thank you all any way I agree that watching too much television is bad for children, especially for the little ones. There are a lot of aspects in TV that I believe are not beneficial at all for children. Children need much more than a television programming during her first years, besides they may become addicted to this powerful medium. Everybody has already listened to that story about the child who was brought up by a TV set. It is still very common these days. The parents have to work, mom takes care of the house while her husband go out to any outside job, and the children stay at home watching television. It appears a good idea, because the children don’t get themselves in trouble; don’t bother anybody and so on. However those children are doomed to a very restricted life. They should be outdoors playing or running though the house. In my conception the best way to give a good quality of life for ours sons it’s not restricting their opportunities of getting acquainted with other children and doing healthy activities I have already noticed that television is addictive as well as any other drug. I have a cousin of mine who couldn’t live without watching at least four hours of television per day. He was certainly addicted to it. This is a big problem, once you give the chance to a child watch television she will probably like and want to watch again. The parents play the most important role in this story. They have to decide that is and what is not good for a children watch in TV, and also the time they can spend in front of it. To sum up, it worthy saying that there is a lot more important things to a child do besides watching television. Moreover the parents are the ones who should take care of it, choosing what to see in television and for how long. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riz1983 Posted August 31, 2004 Share Posted August 31, 2004 Score = 5.00 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minud Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 Heyyyyy Raoni 4.5 Just to be on safe side. Its good writing but it lacks structure. 3 reasons are mentioned in intro but have not been developed in later paras. 3rd para seem more like example than reason as to why is TV bad for children. Its all mixed up, make ur essays more clearer Listen Raoni I feel like I should give an advice. Whether you follow it or not is your own choice. You don't seem to have much problem with grammar, so work on ur structure. Even this essay can be 5.5 if u follow proper format. Check out some essays on TestMagic that is scored above 5.0 Honestly I found it hard to find 2 good reasons from ur essay. Your reasons should be clearer to scorer. Minu Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anuj Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 Hey roani, Even though the previous reviewers have covered up almost all the points, as promised, here is my review. I agree with Minud; to be on the safer side I would rate the essay 4.5+, you can even get a 5 for this essay. Also as Minud said - you gave ample examples, but add some more content to the each of the main paragraphs. - work on the organization of the essay. You start off well, but you did not capitalize to well on your start. Had you been a bit more clear and organized in the flow of the paragraph, you would have easily touched 5.5+. - Also, strengthen the conclusion a bit. Since you have already made your point strongly in the introduction, do not allow any doubt to creep up in reader's mind after going through the main paragraphs. In case there are some loose ends, tie them together in conclusion (just to indicate that you have everything under control and all the stuff written above supports your viewpoint). Then emphatically reiterate what your position is (again this should be similar to what you stated in the intro, do not change it in between). hope this helps and best of luck, Anuj. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anuj Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 Okay here is my essay. I managed to write a long one (touching 500 words) :) . Overshot the 30 mins time while reviewing the essay by half a minute. - Had actually written around 530, pruned out some portions during review. - Have done a spell check. There were some spelling mistakes which would have reflected negatively. - Could have skipped writing the second last paragraph, I guess the contents of other three paragraphs are decent enough. I think it is a decent job and should fetch me 5+. I welcome any comments which you guys have. (My test is tomorrow). Even if you are not able to give a detailed review, just tell me in case I have made some glaring mistakes. Anuj. --- start --- Television has become an integral portion of our daily lives. It is hard to imagine that a few decades ago it was a luxury to own a private television set. This is in contrast to multiple sets being owned by families nowadays. A major chunk of television viewers are from the younger generation, especially the children. Television has adversely affected children in many ways and has harmed their social life, health and intellect. Thus, I support the statement that television watching is bad for children. Television has turned into an addiction for many young people. They come back from their schools and sit in front of their TV sets watching endless number of programs beamed on innumerable number of channels. They miss out on the healthier social activities like playing with other kids. They miss out on the interaction and group activities that are such an essential part of childhood. This prevents them from developing the necessary social skills. Missing out on such activities also leads to health problems. Usually the games children play are physically exerting. They jump and run around a lot. This makes them fit and allows healthy development of their bodies, which provides a foundation for a healthier adulthood. This is in direct contrast to sitting in front of television with eyes glued to TV screen and eating popcorn. The kids end up straining their eyes along with consuming high amounts of high calorie food. This leads to obesity and other related health disorders. Further, due to the large number of channels available, frequent changing of channels - also called as channel surfing - lessens the attention span of a kid leading to attention deficit disorders. Television is often termed as an idiot box and very rightly so. Majority of the content is of low quality, filled with cliched incidents and soaps. The life is shown in an unnatural form. There is an excessive amount of consumerism that strengthens the unrealistic picture projected. All this has an adverse impact on the mind of a young child. A child needs to indulge in creative and playful activities, to build his cognitive and intellectual capabilities. Instead, he ends up watching a barrage of nonsense over which he has no control and which he mistakes for reality. The critics might argue that television is good for children because it gives them knowledge. It allows them to visit places across the world without leaving their homes. It makes them aware of current affairs. This argument would have been valid a couple of years ago, when the Internet was not widely prevalent. New age medium like Internet coupled with conventional mediums like newspapers, books and radio are more then enough to cater to these needs. To conclude, we should prevent our kids from getting turned into a generation of couch potato, totally disconnected from reality. There is no doubt that watching television is bad for kids and they should be strongly discouraged from wasting time in such a senseless activity. --- end --- Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minud Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 Hey Anuj Yaar this is very very good essay. I all give u 5.5. But since I am here to find faults I will point out to u that what u have written is GRE style. But here in TWE always mention ur points in conclusion. Better still use firstly, secondly etc to highlight ur points. This is something that TWE scorers like or so i have heard :) I can understand the time limit. With this essay I doubt ETS would mind that, but still....... Minu Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anuj Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 Hey Minu, Thanks for the comments. I opened this thread with hesititation, thinking whether the review comments will end up destroying my confidence for tomorrow's test. Well, your comments did the opposite :) . Your points taken - I will try to demarcate the points more clearly and summarize them all in the conclusion. It has been nearly two years since I last took my GRE (also the now expired TOEFL with that). I was struggling with the essay portion for last few days. Glad that I am able to retain the old flow thanks to the people here at TestMagic (perhaps thats why the tinges of GRE-ness in the essay :) ). Thanks again, Anuj. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riz1983 Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 hey anuj! good job... and good luck for the exam .. u will touch 5.5 or 6 in essay .. best regards. riz Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anuj Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 Hey Riz, Thanks for the comment and wishes. Anuj. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raoni Posted September 1, 2004 Author Share Posted September 1, 2004 Thanks u all for your comments. I am aware that nearly everything that you told me is true. However, I have problems with time I think that is much better to write long essay with a lot of examples, but I am afraid that my time can run of very fast if I try to do so. Anuj your essay is great. YOu will succed I hope you can post your experience tomorrow after the test. I will do that too. I just got one week to study but I think I will ace the test tomorrow too. Besides, I just need 213 but I hope I can go higher than that. Good Luck Anuj Just remember to be confident during the test ( I always say that to myself) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
anuj Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 Hey raoni, You can check out writing one essay on paper (rather then typing it). In case you are better writing then typing, you might save on some time (You have option of typing/ writing in the final TOEFL test, though both of them have different evaluation times). I will try to post my test experience tomorrow itself. Anuj. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
raoni Posted September 1, 2004 Author Share Posted September 1, 2004 Yeah I know that but I need my score by the end of this month and I read that if you typewrite your essay you may take much more time to receive your score. I can not take this risk. Thanks anyway anuj and Good Luck!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
minud Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 Heyyyy everybody Yeah it takes abt5 weeks to get results when u handwrite. I am handwriting my essay becos my speed is slow. Abt 330+words . since I need 5.0 I thought why take risk. My test is on next thursday. Anyway Best of luck to both of u and don't forget to tell us ur score. Minu Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
riz1983 Posted September 1, 2004 Share Posted September 1, 2004 hey raoni best of luck 2 u 2 .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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