Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activitie

[pinkesh zaveri]

PLEASE RATE THIS TOEFL ESSAY OUT OF 6 . my toefl is on 16 sept .

i would be grateful if rating is done before my exam.

 

TOPIC :

 

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Universities should give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

 

MY RESPONSE :

 

 

People have always argued about the importance of sports in an individual's life as compared to that of academics . Are sports necessary in schools and universities ? Should sports be given the status at par with academics or should be they be treated just as another trivial activity and a mere passive interest has to be shown towards them ? I firmly believe that sports should be an indispensable part of the school , university curricula and utmost attention should be paid to the proper development of sports with appropriate backing and substantial infrastructure.

 

Sports merely should not be compared to academics in view of their viability for career goals . Sports enhances the overall personality of the individual and helps him to achieve that extra bit of grit and mettle to succeed in life. A student develops the qualities of brotherhood , leadership , co-operation , killer instinct when he participates in team events like basketball , football from early school level . He learns how to work in groups , co-operate with each other , compensate the weaknesses of other members and work as a cohesive unit for best results possible . Being only a bookworm and only focussing on studies won't develop such qualities in a person. Sports teaches a person to fight against all odds , add that extra amount of effort needed to attain a goal , be mentally composed in trying circumstances and really strengthens the psychological aspect of a person. Thus absence of sports in schools and universities would be highly inappropriate and also malicious to the development of the personality of an individual.

 

But the high standards of sports won't come at an easy price .Universities will have to understand that development of sports infrastructure like grounds , equipments , coaches etc is as important as adding a score of new books to their libraries. A radical approach has to be followed by universities towards the overall development of sports . They will not only have to help financially in terms of grants but also spur student participation in sports through various orientation programmes . They will have to make students understand that it as important to daily play any sport as to study daily . An attitudinal change has to be brought about .

 

To conclude , I believe that universities should unhesitatingly grant their full support to sports and should not consider it as a wastage of money , diverted from academic use like that of development of libraries. It is for them to decide whether they want to build strong , powerful individual personalities or mere academic scholars who are weak individuals.

[anuj]

I am not sure whether my comments will be on time (exception being - unless you are staying up late preparing for ur toefl tomorrow OR you are not giving toefl in India)

 

Obviously your word selection is strong, but here are my comments about the not so strong things.

 

- failure to state your stand in context with essay topic

give the same amount of money to their students’ sports activities as they give to their university libraries

You definately state the importance of sports clearly but its always better to mould the intro and conclusion para according to essay topic's exact statement.

 

- essay organization - I personally find the third para a bit off the topic

won't come at an easy price

A radical approach

attitudinal change

In case you were having problems with contents of essay, you could have split the second para into two paras. It contains sufficient points to permit that.

 

Also, a general comment (I also glanced through a couple of other essays you posted) - When writing long sentences, be very careful about the punctuation marks.

 

Best of luck with your toefl tomorrow.

 

Anuj