Hi,
I would appreciate it, if you could give your comments and opinions on my TOEFL essay.

Question: If you could change one thing about your hometown, what would you change?

Answer:

Like most people in the world I too am very fond of my hometown, but there are several aspects about it that I would like to change. If I had the opportunity to change one important thing about my hometown, it would be to reduce air pollution. My hometown is one of the largest populated cities in India, and like so many major cities its population levels are extremely high. I give the following reasons and examples to strengthen my stand on why this would be the most important thing that I would like to change.

Like every city in India, my hometown is densely populated and one major result of this is the numerous vehicles on the roads everyday. With fuel costs constantly on the rise, people over here tend to switch to other cheap sources of fuels that are very harsh on the environment. Our government has regulations on vehicular exhaust but these are not effective enough in keeping the pollution within the limits. There are thousands of people in my city who suffer from asthma and other respiratory problems and vehicular exhaust is one of the prime reasons for this. With the huge number of vehicles on the road, round the clock, the very air we breathe is always filled with the poisonous emissions of these vehicles.

Another major cause of pollution in my city is the large number of factories that indiscriminately discharge various toxins into the atmosphere. My hometown is one of the more commercialized cities in India and so it ranks very highly in pollution caused due to carbon discharge from factory chimneys. Again, there are regulations to counter over discharge of toxins, but sadly these are not followed very strictly by these factories. The pollution produced by my hometown is among the highest in my country and with the increasing threats due to global warming and other environmental catastrophes, it is important that some change is brought about to restrain these major sources of pollution.

For these reasons and a few more, I believe that pollution control is the mot important thing that I would like implement in my hometown, if I had the opportunity to do so. This of course, is an issue that is highly discussed all around the world and I feel that I too would like to contribute in any possible way, to make mother earth a safer and a better place.

Thanks and regards.