Can somebody review my essay pls? 5 days remain. Thank you

[maliabeach]

Our last experiences shape the way we look at people and the world around us.

 

Some people think that experiences are not important to shape the way we look at people or the world around us, others think that this is the most important thing. The issue is a controversial one, but in my opinion a closer examination reveals that I think experiences are very important to shape the way we look at people and the world around us. I guess this because of several reasons.

 

First, when somebody lies to you in any situation you will remember that for next time when you see or talk with this person. For example if your girlfriend lie to you because she cheated you, maybe you will forgive her and she gets another chance but you will not trust her anymore like before. Another good example would be poker, if somebody makes a bluff against you, you will remember this person for your strategy in the next situation in the fact you play against him.

 

Second, while travelling around the world I did some very useful and important experiences for my life which changed my view of the world around me. For example the poverty in developing countries on the one hand and the wealthiness in hole Europe and the united states on the other hand, formed my point of view. Now I know how necessary normal things, like fresh water is. Which is not every time available for people in developing countries. We are wasting these important resources every day, in developing countries it is fundamental to survive.

 

In conclusion, I guess it is very important to learn out of experiences we have made, because of the above mentioned reasons.

[maliabeach]

nearly 60 views and no answer..

[pj207]

Hi maliabeach,

 

I am not a professional, I am just a student as you are. So I am not a right person but I found some mistakes in your essay.

 

Some people think that experiences are not important to shape the way we look at people or the world around us, others think that this is the most important thing. The issue is a controversial one, but in my opinion a closer examination reveals that I think experiences are very important to shape the way we look at people and the world around us. I guess this because of several reasons.

 

First, when somebody lies to you in any situation you will remember that for next time when you see or talk with this person. For example if your girlfriend lie to you because she cheated you, maybe you will forgive her and she gets another chance but you will not trust her anymore like before. Another good example would be poker, if somebody makes a bluff against you, you will remember this person for your strategy in the next situation in the fact you play against him.

 

Here you mentioned 2 examples. I think there no need for 2 examples just give one example but should be in detail like how and what your girlfriend lie to you.

 

Second, while travelling around the world I did some very useful and important experiences for my life which changed my view of the world around me. For example the poverty in developing countries on the one hand and the wealthiness in hole ( should be whole) Europe and the united states on the other hand, formed my point of view. Now I know how necessary normal things, like fresh water is. Which is not every time available for people in developing countries. We are wasting these important resources every day, in developing countries it is fundamental to survive.

 

In conclusion, I guess it is very important to learn out of experiences we have made, because of the above mentioned reasons.

 

 

word count is low ( according to notefull ) . It should be at least 350 to 400.

 

Again I am not the right person to review.