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Thread: #053: The most important aspect of a job is the

  1. #1
    Tho
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    Hi, all!

    It took me 40' to write this essay.

    53.The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.



    There is a statement that ď The most important of a good job is the money a person earnsĒ. Money is an important factor, we can not live without money, but in my opinion, itís not the most important thing. People work because of many other important aspects.

    The first aspect is the working environment. If one works in a company having good working environment, heíll feel happy and contribute his best abilities to his job. Let take an example of a friend of mine. He works for a software company where he can do the type of job he likes. Morever, his boss is very good, and his colleagues are wonderful. They always care about each other, share their happiness and difficulties in work and life. In addition, the company always provide its staff best conditions to do their jobs. Hence, my friend doesnít want do move to another company where he can be paid higher.

    The second thing I want to refer to is the opportunities to learn new things. I would like to take myself as an example. My company do IT service for many customers. And I have a lot of chances to approach new technologies. Because if my knowledge is out of date, how i can support them. I am vey anxious to new things and that make my life enjoyable. I don't want to be left behind because the technology is changing everyday, especially in IT field.

    In conclusion, there are many reasons that people work. The good working environment and chances to learn new things are more important than money. Money should be consider the third. Itís important but not everything.



    Your comments, please!
    Thanks a millions.

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    Tho,
    Your esssay does not contain severe grammar problem. Remember, try to avoid abbreviation in Formal Writting and apply several vocabularies in your essay, for example put 'crucial' or 'essential' instead of 'important'.You know?, there are 5 'thing' in your essay, you have too many 'thing'.

    Your essay is quite weak in ideas. I know this is harder than grammar but strong ideas help to increase your essay score. Practicing a lot, you are going to improve transfering methods.

    From the second paragraph, I do not like 'Because, if my knowledge is out of date, how I can support them.' because it does not support 'I have a lot of chances to approach new technologies.'

    Seem you run off the thought in the second paragraph, don't you?

    Just my 2 cent
    Noon


    53.The most important aspect of a job is the money a person earns. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.



    There is a statement that ď The most important aspect of a good job is the money a person earnsĒ. Money is an important factor, we can not live without money, but in my opinion, itís not the most important thing. People work because of many other important aspects.

    The first aspect is the working environment. If one works in a company having good working environment, heíll will feel happy and contribute his best abilities to his job. Let ?take? see an example of a friend of mine. He works for a software company where he can do the type of job he likes. Morever, his boss is very good, and his colleagues are wonderful. They always care about each other, share their happiness and difficulties in work and life. In addition, the company always provide its staff best conditions to do their jobs. Hence, my friend doesnít not want do to move to another company where he can be paid higher.

    The second thing I want to refer to is the opportunities to learn new things. I would like to take myself as an example. My company do does/run IT service for many customers. And I have a lot of chances to approach new technologies. Because, if my knowledge is out of date, how i I can support them. I am very anxious to learn new things and that make my life enjoyable. I don't not want to be left behind because the technology is changing everyday, especially in IT field.

    In conclusion, there are many reasons that people work. The good working environment and chances to learn new things are more important than money. Money should be considered (as) the third. Itís is important but (does) not (mean) everything.


  3. #3
    Tho
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    Thanks a lot, Atnoon. Hope to get your help next time.

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    Hi everybody

    I suppose, this is one of the last essays which I ask your comments about .Because, I am taking Toefl tomorrow.
    So, please do me a favour and write your advises.









    The topic:

    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?The most important aspect of a job is the money a peron earns. Use spesific reasons and examples to support your opinion.


    My essay:


    The salary of a job has a really important effect on people who want to take this job. However, it is not the most important aspect of a job. In my opinion, people you work with and your sentiments towards the job are at least as important aspects of a job as the salary is.


    In todays modern world, people' s life is divided to two part; the work life and the private life. Meanwhile, every worker spends approximately eight hours of a day in his work with his co-workers. If he does not get on well with his colleagues, he may not be happy with his worklife. As an example, a friend of mine started to work in a company with a good salary two years ago. Some of the company' s stuff looked down him because the school he graduated was not as prestigious as their schools. this behaveiour make my friend very stressful and he left the company. Now he is working in another company where people are more agreeable. His present salary is not as much as the former one but he prefer to work here due to his colleagues.


    Behind the people you work with, whether you like your job or not is also as important as the money you earn. In my opinion, our goal in our life should be making ourselves satisfied and happy. If your work is not satisfactory, it does not important how much your salary is. For instance I have read in a magazine about a young man who always want to be a gardener. He comes from a wealthy family and his father, a famous lawyer, wants his son to take after him, so sends him to Oxford to study law. The young man goes to the university but leaves it without waiting a term and becomes a gardener. Because, he knows that if he becomes a lawyer he never feels as satisfied as he feels as a gardener.


    To sum up, money is not the only aspect of a job. Your acquaintances with your colleaques and your feelings towards the job are also very important aspects. However people always put the money forward while they are choosing their jobs.





    Thanks a lot for reading it.

    Rumeysa

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    Originally posted by rumeysa_bil

    Hi everybody


    The topic:

    Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?The most important aspect of a job is the money a peron earns. Use spesific reasons and examples to support your opinion.


    My essay:


    The salary of a job has a really important effect on people who want to take this job. However, it is not the most important aspect of a job. In my opinion, people you work with and your sentiments towards the job are at least as important aspects of a job as the salary is.


    ?In todays modern world? (Nowaday/ at present/ in this modern world), people' s life is divided into two part; the working life and the private life. Meanwhile, every worker spends approximately eight hours of a day in his work with his co-workers. If he does not get on along well with his colleagues, he may not be happy with his worklife. As an example, a friend of mine started to work in a company with a good salary two years ago. Some of the company' s stuff staffs looked down him because the school he graduated (from) was not as prestigious as their schools. This behaveiour behavior make made my friend very stressful and(, then) he left the company. Now he is working in another company where people are more agreeable. His present salary is not as much as the former one but he prefers to work here due to his colleagues.


    Behind the people you work with, whether you like your job or not is also as important as the money you earn. In my opinion, our goal in our life should be making ourselves satisfied and happy. If your work is not satisfactory, it does not important how much your salary is. For instance I have read in a magazine about a young man who always want to be a gardener. He comes from a wealthy family and his father, a famous lawyer, wants his son to take after him, so his father sends him to Oxford to study law. The young man goes to the university but leaves it without waiting a term and becomes a gardener. Because, he knows that if he becomes a lawyer he never feels as satisfied as he feels as a gardener.


    To sum up, money is not the only aspect of a job. Your acquaintances with your colleaques colleagues and your feelings towards the job are also very important aspects. However people always put the money forward while they are choosing their jobs.


    Thanks a lot for reading it.

    Rumeysa

    Sawasdee ka!
    The last sentence in the conclusion degrades your ideas. The essay will be better after deleate it, although the conclusion part shorten.

    Are you going to take Toefl test tomorrow? Don't be nervous
    I have checked your essay. It has minor mistakes. You know? Toefl scorers spend 2-3 min on each essay but I take almost 20 min. to read, to understand what you want to say, and to correct!

    O.k. Rumeysa....clam down....now YOU ARE READY!!

    Good night, sleep tight.[|)]
    Noon

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    This is my essay, I will be glad if you read and tell me your comments.
    A person has to work in order to earn his own life. After graduation, he looks for a job. Many people prefer a high income to other aspects of a job. Hovewer, the most important aspect of a job is not what you earn but what it provides you except a good salary.
    First of all, most of people suffer from dissatisfaction after they accept a job because they think only one side of it, the salary. As time goes by, they understand that they did wrong. Their colleguages are hard people to work, their boss is not a reliable person and they are not happy. For example, when they wanted a day-off because of an emergency, they could not get it or other colleguages tried to undermine their posion.
    Secondly, a job offer should not only be considered by in terms of money but also other aspects it provides such as health insurance, marriage help, trasportation facilities and promotion. If a a person cannot be promoted after a time, this means there is no future for him in that job. This will also affect his salary and his social status. While his friends are promoted, he would not, he cannot be happy. If he does not have a sufficient health insurance or support from the company he works, he cannot be treated well in a hospital because the health expenses are very expensive. When he thinks only of salary accepting the job, the transportation can be a burden for him in terms of fuel and distance.
    Thirdly, if the company's pension system is weak and does not support an emloyer after he retires, he will not have a good living standard when he is old. At his prime, he will cope with lots of receipts and expenses just for once he only thought of salary not other aspects of job.
    Consequently, one should aware of aspects of a job instead of just its income. He can be unhappy and dissatisfied because of lack of promotion, transportation, day-offs, health insurance and a good pensioner salary. Therefore a good choice must be made from the very beginning.

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