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Please evaluate my essay! [Causes for longer lives]
Dear readers and fellow members of urch, I shall appreciate a lot if you could ruthlessly point out the problems in my writing; the more cold-blood and severe the better! (But please be specific
.)
The TOPIC:
In general, people are living longernow. Discuss the causes for this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.
My RESPONSE:
One of the greatest benefit of living in a modern world as compared to the nineteenth century is that we live longer now. According to the world health organization, on average, people in most of the developed countries can expect to live to 75 years old, while the number was around 45 two centuries ago. In my view, the development of economy,the advancement of medical science and the improvement of working conditions are the main reasons that lead to longer lives.
Deaths due to malnutrition and starvation could be a major cause for the lower life expectancy in less developed countries. The rapid development of economy has greatly reduced the thread of poverty. I can still remember my father's stories about his childhood, when a bowl of rice was considered scrumptious and in the worst years, people were forced to eat mud. Many children died prematurely at that tragic time; consequently, the average length of lives is short for my father's generation. Thanks to the“open door policy” in China that brought over thirty years offast economic growth, food is never a problem for my generation; the average life expectancy in China nowadays is close to those of thedeveloped countries.
The development of modern medical science is just as crucial to longer lives. Widely used vaccines haveeliminated several deadly epidemic diseases. Horrible incidences such as the Black Death that killed almost half of the Europe's population become a thing of the past. Kidney failure once had very high mortality rate, but now most of the patients can be treated successfully. Even in the worst cases, with the help of external blood-filtering devices, patients can survive for almost as long as healthy people.
Improvement of working conditions can be yet another important factor. Because modern technology makes automation possible, many traditionally labor-intensive jobs are now replaced by office work. This means better working environment and less injuries for workers. Even for those who still work in the field, the most hazardous and dangerous work is now done by robots. Increased productivity also makes the working hours shorter,giving workers more leisure time, which is beneficial for both mental and physical health.
It must be noted though, poverty still exists in many places, medicine is not universally available, many deadly diseases are not conquered yet, and there are still lots of workers working in poor conditions. It is our responsibility to help those who are desperately in need, and try our best to make the world a better place.
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