TOEFL Essay: Television has destroyed communication

[ayda]

I have

started writting essay some weeks ago,i know my essay is simple but it is not bad that muchf.!feel free to judge about it..:d.

television has destroyed communication among friends and family ,while it may be a way to communicate with others,too.that it is related to how you get used to it!

Since

television invented,it becomes an entertainment for everyone after dealling with their daily activities, while it is better to spend that much time to improve their relationship with family and their friends. which makes communication less than past.

Besides,

nowadays in each house at least there is a tv, that is watched in any time of the day even ones we want to spend our time with family which can breakdown of relationships between family members.Forexample:during lunch,every one wathches Tv,while instead they can talk with each other about their daily activities,However sometimes it happens that when a person wants to start talking ,others want him to be silent.This lack of attention will lead to a breakdown in communication,too.

To tell the ruth,television even develops friendship,too.Forexample:one of the popular places in the world is cinema,which people assemble there and watch movies,all together ,or another sample is gathering friends in a house specially boys for watching sport matchs that makes a good communication and even they bet on who will win !in this case,we get ever more closer to our friends.

on the other hand,tv's programs even give us new subjects to talk about .That is an easy way to start communicating with a person,like asking some questions about weather ,movies,sport matchs,etc.which improve our relationship with people.

In conclusion,while television can take apart us from our friends or similarly can make us ever more closer to our friends,It depends on how you adjust yourselft to it.So we need to feel the acceptance of society and nothing can change it,even television!

Thanks

[watchsmart]

As you said, ayda, you are just starting out. You should write your essay in a typical four paragraph style. Even a weak essay written by a beginner can get a few points from an essay if it has some sense of organization. The essay you wrote has poor organization.

 

Here is a guide to planning and writing an essay in a four paragraph style:

 

TOEFL Independent Writing Section

 

It's written for beginners in simple English. I think it might help you.

 

Meanwhile, keep studying grammar! Organization can help you in the short term, but your long term goal MUST be to improve your grammar. Practice that every day.

[fatemerezaei]

HI. I am beginner in writing essays. and i have TOEFL exam in 11th october. I appreciate your comments on my essay. thanks in advance.

People from all over the world spend tangible ratio of their times watching-in front of- televisions. This has bred an ongoing argument between disparate people that whether Television is the cause of ruined relationships among friends and families.

I think they are other reasons such as advances in technology that have destroyed communication among friends and families. Moreover, these progresses introduced new ways for entertainment like web navigating, computer game playing, etc. fascinating aspects of these developments impeded people to get together and have conversations. For example, according to social network statistics, Facebook users spend average time of 60 hours per month on Facebook.

However, by advent of television, people have been faced with an easy entertainment. The need of going out has been removed by this invention. They could lean on sofa and watch television. They could be independent of others; in other words, neither there was a need for calling either their friends or their families and seeing if they are available for getting together, nor there was a need for setting time and even getting ready for going out. In other words, Television made it easier for them to have pleasure, so they chose this new device for their spare times rather than being with their families and friend.

Moreover, by being added new channels to Television, newly introduced device got more attractive for people. Now they were able to know the news of all over the world, watch different movies and series correspondence to their taste, watch sport games like soccer game and basketball game and listen to music of different singers. These bred that people preferred using this device rather than being with their friends and families. This went so far that today in advanced countries people are so separate that they know more about the events that happen in the world rather than matters in their families and friends.

In addition, some other developments that have been made like three dimensional films and pictures that they appear so much like real that brings out the false idea of something like you think you are living with them. For instance, if you have watched the movie that is named “her”, you can understand what I mean. In this movie it has been clearly shown that first character of film deserts his friends and families to live with characters that he saw in the films. He got involved with these characters so far that even he fell in love with one of them. I think this example now you see obvious effect of Television on destroyed communication through. Even when I refer to a movie as a example you can see how far Television has gone through our lives.

To sum up, I think television is behind the damage that has been done to relationships between friends and families.