manasi4gre Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 TOPIC 23: In some countries teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details. In my opinion, I feel it is better for teenagers to work while they are still students.This creates in them self- dependence, better moral values and economic security. Firstly, working in teenage years inculcates self-dependence. Teenagers learn to be self reliant by not depending on their parents for expenses as they are economically secure from their income. This also helps in understanding the value of hard earned money and realize the importance of the saying” Money does not grow on trees”. Thus teenagers avoid unnecessary and extravagant spending for instance, on accessories and the latest fashion trends. Another important advantage is that working when young helps in imbibing the quality of punctuality and discipline. If they have to attend their work place and start their duties by 9 am, teenagers will learn to respect the element of time for the fear that they may be thrown out of their jobs on being late. Further, they learn to be polite and well behaved to their employers and customers and follow the rules of conduct at the work place. Team work is another important aspect. It is by learning to work together and respecting their co-workers’ ideas and sentiments that makes the job all the more enjoyable. Working in a group helps teenagers learn from their senior and elder co-workers who would try to help them out by rectifying their inexperienced mistakes. Kindness, sharing and respecting each other are good qualities that would help young people develop into better human beings. Responsibility is an important lesson that is learnt by working. For example, the working teenagers may be asked to take care of the store in case of an emergency. It is their responsibility to efficiently handle the store and please the customers in the absence of the employer without tarnishing the good name of the store. Also, virtues like honesty and reliability are also inculcated in teenagers that makes them morally stronger because of the belief that their employer trusts them. Hence, I agree that it is a good idea that teenagers should work when they are still students. It fosters in them self dependence, punctuality and team spirit that is responsible for making them morally stronger and better human beings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awhig Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 TOPIC 23: In some countries teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details. In my opinion, I feel it is better for teenagers to work while they are still students.This creates in them self- dependence, better moral values and economic security. [fine start] Firstly, working in teenage years inculcates self-dependence. Teenagers learn to be self reliant by not depending on their parents for expenses as they are economically secure from their income. This also helps in understanding the value of hard earned money and realize the importance of the saying” Money does not grow on trees”. Thus teenagers avoid unnecessary and extravagant spending for instance, on accessories and the latest fashion trends. [good work... a little care needed with punctuations] Another important advantage is that [delete this] working when young helps in imbibing the quality of punctuality and discipline [Not clear.What is "young" here]. If they have to attend their work place ["work" is attented to rather than "work place"] and start their duties by 9 am, teenagers will learn to respect the element [do not make it complex] of time for the fear that they may be thrown out of their jobs on being late. Further, they learn to be polite and well behaved to their employers and customers and follow the rules of conduct at the work place. [ok] Team work is another important aspect. It is by learning to work together and respecting their co-workers’ ideas and sentiments that makes the job all the more enjoyable. Working in a group helps teenagers learn from their senior and elder co-workers who would try to help them out by rectifying their inexperienced mistakes. Kindness, sharing and respecting each other are good qualities that would help young people develop into better human beings. [Point not in line with the topc.Do not stress on team work.Stress on confidence and new experiences.] Responsibility is an important lesson that is learnt by working. For example, the working teenagers may be asked to take care of the store in case of an emergency. It is their responsibility to efficiently handle the store and please the customers in the absence of the employer without tarnishing the good name of the store. Also, virtues like honesty and reliability are also inculcated in teenagers that makes them morally stronger because of the belief that their employer trusts them. [Jackpot] Hence, I agree that it is a good idea that teenagers should work when they are still students. It fosters in them self dependence, punctuality and team spirit that is responsible for making them morally stronger and better human beings. [Point of team spirit is not strong. A teenager can work independently. Discinpline is a better point.] Score :5.0 Comments: 1. As stated above. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rizov Posted April 19, 2005 Share Posted April 19, 2005 Wow ......very nice I like the style and the points are very good ... I like it a lot ... i thought writing the essay will be the easiest part of the TOEFL exam ....but :mad: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaya Posted April 20, 2005 Share Posted April 20, 2005 As quick as possible comment: you could have used another sentence in the intro. Renata Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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