marks encourage students to learn. PLZ rate it.

[vangelitsa]

0072 Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Grades (marks) encourage students to learn. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

 

Generally , the grades ,that students take, serve a lot of purposes.Apart from from enabling teachers to assess children's efforts, some people maintain that grades also encourage students to learn.According to my personal feelings and thoughts indeed one of the targets that school marks meet is to instill further education and generally learning in studets.

 

To begin with, marks instigate students to study harder.When children take good grades, they feel happy and satisfied ,and they regard these high marks as a reward for their work.This satisfaction will lead students to study harder in order to take even higher grades.On the other hand, when children take low grades they feel frustrated and disappointed,therefore, they usually deside to turn a new leaf and begin to study more in order to improve their performance at school.The actual result is that in both cases students ,encouraged by their grades, decide to study harder and as a consequence to learn and get educated more.

 

In addition, grades create a competitive environment among students.Children ,trying to compet their friends or sometimes envying their friend's performance ,strive for better marks . It has been proved that anywhere that competition dominates ,an atmosphere of strong willingness ,creativity and diligence is established.It goes without saying that this atmosphere , which is also established at schools , leads students to become more conscious and hard-workers.

 

In conclusion, the existence of grades in the educational system is absolutely necessary. In all the cases,marks encourage children to study more responsibly and as a cosequence children learn more things than that they would learn without marks.

[Lukas]

Hi vangelitsa,

That's quite a good essay. You have a broad vocabulary and your points are logical most of the time.

I see some points where you could improve, though.

One minor thing is your layout of punctuation. If you put a comma, a full stop or any other punctuation, leave a space after (but not before) it. (This is probably a detail, but if you can avoid irritating the reader easily you should do it).

 

I don't think it's a good idea to talk of students and of children in the same sentence:

"Apart from from enabling teachers to assess children's efforts, some people maintain that grades also encourage students them to learn."

 

Some of your sentences become quite long and complicated and I believe the grammar suffers a bit. I.e. "The actual result is that in both cases students ,encouraged by their grades, decide to study harder and as a consequence to learn and get educated more."

Suggestion: "In both cases the students decide to study harder encouraged by their grades and as a consequence improve their education."

 

In my TOEFL essay I used the following format (I would recommend to try writing in this format):

Introduction (restating the question, telling your opinion, give three reasons why)

Para1 (reason1 with example)

Para2 (reason2 with example)

Para3 (reason3 with example)

Conclusion (summary of reasons and strong end statement)

 

You can find more threads on structure and strategy in this forum (use the search option).

 

Good Luck