#88，Telephones and email have made communication less personl?

[Benjaminzhang]

I would appreciate it if someone could rate or make comments on my essay.:)

88，Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Telephones and email have made communication between people less personal. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Nowadays, people can use many ways to communicate with each other. These include face-to-face contact, writing letters, sending faxes, making phone calls and sending emails. With the popularity of telephone and email, some people worried that they would make communication between people less personal. In my opinion, although telephone and email are not the most personal ways in communication, that doesn’t cause any less personal in communication. On the contrary, these communicative means do enhance personal relationship between people.

 

 

One reason is that telephone and email make our communication more effective. I can easily contact people almost anywhere in the world through television or email. When I miss my parents in China, I simply lift the handset and we can talk like face-to-face. Also, I can send an email to my friends and they can instantly receive my email. Therefore, telephone and email make our personal contact more convenient.

 

 

Another important reason is that by using telephone or email our communication becomes more frequent. Because these ways of communication are so effective, fast, and cheap, I use them very often. I call my parents almost every week and I email my friends several letters in a month. This frequency of contact keeps us closer. If there is no telephone and email, I have to contact them by visiting in person or writing letters. Usually, I visit my parents once a year due to the distance and I wrote letters my friend occasionally because it is inconvenient.

 

 

From what we have discussed above, it is not necessary to worry about the possibility of making our communication less personal using telephone or email. Moreover, telephone and email as means of communication, together with other means of communication, such as face-to-face contact, have intensified our personal relationship.

[manasi4gre]

Some of my suggestions are:

 

1. The first paragraph is not clear as to what you want to convey.

I mean it loses the continuity of what you want to say. Try to be clear and use short and meaningful sentences instead.

You have started with saying that nowadays people communicate by face to face contact, letters.... but this mode of personal communication has existed from long back.

You can say rather say that with the advent of science and technology, quicker and effective means of communication like telephones and emails have taken over the art of letter writing.

 

2. Another thing you need to mention is the saving of time. Telephonic conversations and e-mails take no time to reach people in far off places unlike letters that might take any number of days. You did mention that writing letters is inconvenient but this really doesnt express what u want to say.

You need to explain why u feel so.

 

3. You can also mention that as this is a fast moving world, people have very little time to meet each other or write letters.

Hence, they use telephones and e-mails to maintain personal communication. This will further strengthen your stance that

telephones and email have not made communication between people less personal, rather has intensified or strengthened human relationships.

 

Good luck!

[Benjaminzhang]

To:manasi4gre:

You comments are very incisive. I really appreciate it!

[manasi4gre]

u are welcome!