How TV affects people's behavior, please grade and comment, thanks!

[red_heat]

Topic: How TV affects people’s behavior.

 

 

TV is created for a long time. Besides the indispensable use for entertainment, it also has different effects on people’s behavior.

 

The allure of TV to serve for relaxation goal is obvious, but it is TV’s attraction that makes people neglect in their work and study. Some people unconsciously create the habit that permits them to spend hours in front of TV screen instead of saving time to prepare for work or other necessary things. Apparently, programs on television are more and more diverse, with various serial films lasting hours everyday. Let’s make a small calculation. If an audience spends 4 hours each days, a normal time for many people, to watch TV, adding 10 hours for sleeping and eating, how much time it’s left to do other things, such as coming to library to study, preparing for their work, doing exercises.

 

Moreover that sitting too long to watch TV, lacking of doing exercises badly affect people’s health. It’s proved that the audiences usually have higher rate to get diseases such as obese or heart attack.

 

More importantly, programs in TV sometimes make changes in people’s ordinary behavior. Hearing and watching again and again the same voices and performances in programs, the audience sometimes copy it unconsciously. Furthermore, audiences, especially children, usually like to imitate their idol, from fashion styles to his typical behavior. For examples, the common picture today is that high school girls affected by modern pop singers wear too short pants, to school. Or school boys who try to make themselves like rockers although it is not completely appropriate for them.

 

However, it is an excellent entertainment for people who know to effectively use it. After all day for hard working, their brain need time to relax. In fact, there are many kinds of entertainment, but TV is the vital one which can combine entertainment and relaxation. Audiences watching TV can update news, learn more knowledge from game shows or programs like Discovery. Also it is a motivation for them to continue working.

[awhig]

Topic: How TV affects people’s behavior.

 

 

 

TV is created for a long time [Wrong.This shows that you are talking of some process.Instead,put it as " Television entered world many years back"]. Besides the indispensable use for entertainment [Wrong. "Entertainment is not an object to be used.Instead "TV has been used as a source of entertainment"], it also has different effects on people’s behavior.

[Needs improvement in expression.]

 

The allure of TV to serve for relaxation goal [delete this] is obvious, but it is TV’s attraction that makes people neglect in their work and study. [This sentence is a mere repetition.Alone in this sentence you have refered TV asa soure of extraction.Avoid this redundancy.]Some people unconsciously create the habit that permits them to spend ["of spending"...be short and straight.No need to add twists.] hours in front of TV screen instead of saving time to prepare for [replace this by "working"] work or other necessary things [Delete this]. Apparently, programs on television are more and more diverse, with various serial films lasting hours everyday. Let’s make a small calculation. If an audience spends 4 hours each days, a normal time for many people, to watch TV, adding 10 hours for sleeping and eating, how much time it’s left to do other things, such as coming to library to study, preparing for their work, doing exercises.

[Deviating from the topic]

 

Moreover that sitting too long to watch TV, lacking of doing exercises badly affect people’s health. It’s proved that the audiences usually have higher rate to get diseases such as obese or heart attack.

[ok but the topic asks how behaviour changes.]

 

 

More importantly, programs in TV sometimes make changes in people’s ordinary behavior. Hearing and watching again and again the same voices and performances in programs, the audience sometimes copy it unconsciously. Furthermore, audiences, especially children, usually like to imitate their idol, from fashion styles to his typical behavior. For examples, the common picture today is that high school girls affected by modern pop singers wear too short pants, to school. Or school boys who try to make themselves like rockers although it is not completely appropriate for them.

[Jackpot.This point should have come earlier.]

 

 

However, it is an excellent entertainment for people who know to effectively use it. After all day for hard working, their brain need time to relax. In fact, there are many kinds of entertainment, but TV is the vital one which can combine entertainment and relaxation. Audiences watching TV can update news, learn more knowledge from game shows or programs like Discovery. Also it is a motivation for them to continue working.

[In this para you are emphasising on the importance of TV but no talking about how people change behaviouraly]

Score : 3.0 - 3.5

Comments:

1. All the points of TV as a mode of entertainment should come later.Stress on what topic wants from you.

2. Talk about people imitating their idols (as you mentioned) . Thus they adopt a filmsy lifestyle that is often unreal and absurd.

Ex: Doing a heroic act.

Expressing love in public where society / community is not used to.

Living a dual life or talking as like delivering dialogues. etc.

3. Stress on the +ve and -ve aspects of TV affecting peoples' behaviours.

4. Expressions need a bit polishing. Make your expressions strong and short.Do not add twists and turns to your essay.

[red_heat]

Awhig, thanks! Your comments with many details are excellent! I will try to improve my writing skill.

[red_heat]

Guys! please see if there is any improvement compared to my first essay above. Grade, fix, and comment again. One more, testmagicians, you are making my great determination to improve my English. Thanks!

Television entered world many years back. While it has been used popularly as a source of entertainment, television generally affects its audiences in different ways.

Firstly, television often creates people’s habit of spending much time watching its programs. Unlike other activities, television attracts people by its diversity from hundreds channels, involving news, documentary films, cartoon, serials. Thus, its audiences once turn on television, they would be addicted to these varying programs. As a result, the audiences must reduce the time for other necessary activities, such as working, doing exercises or traveling. It is apparently a bad habit because it makes people lose their balance in life.

 

Secondly, programs in television sometimes make negative changes in people’s ordinary behavior. Hearing and watching again and again the same voices and performances in programs, the audience sometimes copy it unconsciously. For example, audiences, especially children, usually like to imitate their idol, from fashion styles to his typical behavior. For examples, the common picture today is that high school girls, affected by modern pop singers, wear too short pants to school. Or school boys who try to make themselves like rockers although it is not completely appropriate for them.

 

However, television may make vital changes to people’s behavior. For example, an audience suddenly realize themselves in a program about a husband who gradually loses his family, friend and his happiness due to alcohol addiction. Since serious warn of consequence of alcohol from that film, he decides to change his bad habit. Or a boy, born in a poor family, tries to mirror a character who overcomes every obstacle in life to study instead of blaming his parent’s poverty.

 

In conclusion, television may create bad habits for its audience or become a motivation for them to change their behavior. Thus, people may gain good things if they know how to control television’s effect.