devmag Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 Hello, I think this essay is a little bit better - I would be very pleased if you could take a closer look towards the introduction and the conclusion, since this is the part i had problems on the last essay. Thanks a lot devmag The role of supervisors in companies varies quite a lot, because there are completely different kinds of cooperations. Therefore it is hard to determine the general qualities a supervisor should have, since those depend on the kind of cooperation itself. But still, I think that there are certain basic qualities that every good supervisor has to have. First of all, I think a good supervisor must have an overview of the whole company. He, for example, has to understand how a product is produced and which steps are necessary. By understanding the production process and also its difficulties, its easier for a boss to set new goals for the entire company. The supervisor has to be able to find out, where problems are and he has to find strategies how to solve them. Thus, an understanding of all processes is necessary. If the supervisor does not know much about the production process at all, it is hard for him to become a trusted and also reliable boss. On the other side, I think that the personality of the supervisor is very important. The boss has to be reliable – the fellow workers have to trust him - especially when it comes to questions about hiring or firing workers. The attitude of most laborers towards labor itself, for example, depends on questions of job security. Therefore, the boss has to be candid towards the employed by also telling them negative facts. The supervisor shouldn’t earn too much more compared to the fellow workers, because I think the laborers themselves have to see and accept, that the salary the boss earns is also the one he deserves. If the supervisor demands the workers to accept less pay, he has to decrease his own salary too – otherwise, he wouldn’t be honest. I think a good supervisor also has to be a very social person. He has to help integrate new co-workers by introducing them to the whole team. He also has to be able to motivate the employed to reach the goals that he defined. Therefore, he for example, has to give rewards to outstanding efforts of some workers. All in all, there are some basic qualities, which every supervisor should have. I wouldn’t generally consider a supervisor, that has a big salary to be a good one – I think the personality of the supervisor is the most important factor which defines whether he is a good or bad one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arjensteve Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 The role of supervisors in companies varies quite a lot, because there are completely different kinds of cooperations. Therefore it is hard to determine the general qualities a supervisor should have, since those depend on the kind of cooperation itself.[ok but i feel its a bit repetitive] But still[however..], I think that there are certain basic qualities that every good supervisor has to have. First of all, I think a good supervisor must have an overview of the whole company. He, for example, has to understand how a product is produced and which steps[the steps necessary for it...this might be better] are necessary. By understanding the production process and also its difficulties, its easier for a boss to set new goals for the entire company. The supervisor has to be able to find out, where problems are and he has to find strategies how to solve them. Thus, an understanding of all processes is necessary. If the supervisor does not know much about the production process at all, it is hard for him to become a trusted and also[a] reliable boss.[ok but organize better and try not to use same words over and over again] On the other side[ change], I think that the personality of the supervisor is very important. The boss has to be reliable – the[his] fellow workers have to trust him - especially when it comes to questions[issues such as] about hiring or firing workers. The attitude of most laborers towards labor itself, for example, depends on questions of job security[explain more]. Therefore, the boss has to be candid towards the employed[his employees] by also[omit] telling them negative facts.[change] The supervisor shouldn’t earn too much more compared to the fellow workers, because I think the laborers themselves have to see and accept, that the salary the boss earns is also the one he deserves[change ,its redundant]. If the supervisor demands the workers to accept less pay, he has to decrease his own salary too – otherwise, he wouldn’t be honest. I think a good supervisor also has to be a very social person. He has to help integrate new co-workers by introducing them to the whole team. He also has to be able to motivate the employed to reach the goals that he defined. Therefore, he for example, has to give rewards to outstanding efforts of some workers. All in all, there are some basic qualities, which every supervisor should have. I wouldn’t generally consider a supervisor, that[who] has a big salary to be a good one – I think the personality of the supervisor is the most important factor which defines whether he is a good or bad one. try to use more appropriate words in some places.Otherwise your grammar is good:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ish Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 Hi Devmag, good effort :) my suggestions: Dont use wouldn't, couldn't and so on..use the full forms.. work on your punctuation. Check your essay for spelling The role of supervisors in companies varies quite a lot, because there are completely different kinds of cooperations[dont you mean corporations?]. Therefore it is hard to determine the general qualities a supervisor should have, since those depend on the kind of cooperation itself. But still, I think that there are certain basic qualities that every good supervisor has to have. [not bad. should avoid spelling mistakes though.] First of all, I think a good supervisor must have an overview of the whole company [not very clear]. He, for example, has to understand how a product is produced and which steps are necessary. By understanding the production process and also its difficulties, its easier for a boss to set new goals for the entire company. The supervisor has to be able to find out, [no comma necessary here, IMO]where problems are and he has to find strategies how[cut this] to solve them. Thus, an understanding of all processes is necessary. If the supervisor does not know much about the production process at all, it is hard for him to become a trusted and also reliable boss. [good] On the other side,[you are not contradicting anything, so why start with "on the other sidee? cut this] I think that the personality of the supervisor is very important. The boss has to be reliable – the fellow workers have to trust him - especially when it comes to questions about hiring or firing workers. The attitude of most laborers towards labor itself, for example, depends on questions of job security. Therefore, the boss has to be candid towards the employed by also telling them negative facts. [good] The supervisor shouldn’t earn too much more compared to the fellow workers, because I think the laborers themselves have to see and accept, that the salary the boss earns is also the one he deserves. If the supervisor demands the workers to accept less pay, he has to decrease his own salary too – otherwise, he wouldn’t be honest. [ok] I think a good supervisor also has to be a very social person. He has to help integrate new co-workers by introducing them to the whole team. He also has to be able to motivate the employed to reach the goals that he defined. Therefore, he for example, has to give rewards to outstanding efforts of some workers. [very good. elaborate a bit on this if you can] All in all [counds a bit informal to me. Why dont you try "in summary" or something like that ? :)], there are some basic qualities,[no comma needed here] which every supervisor should have. I wouldn’t generally consider a supervisor, that has a big salary to be a good one[your idea here is good, but you need to make it clearer. modify this sentence] – I think the personality of the supervisor is the most important factor which defines whether he is a good or bad one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devmag Posted June 15, 2005 Author Share Posted June 15, 2005 Hello, thank you very much for your hints! I ll try to work on it... Do you think that this essay will be rated more than a 3? The essay part is the one I m most afraid of - I take my test tomorrow - because I cant choose the topics, and usually - when I have a topic, that I dont really know much or dont have many arguments/points - my language becomes weaker, and I make more mistakes... For admission to the college I want to go to, I need a score of 230 on the computer based test. With the Sampler I usually was around 220 without the essay, so I think I should make it...but who knows... Anyways, thanks a lot for your hints :-) devmag Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arjensteve Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 - when I have a topic, that I dont really know much or dont have many arguments/points - my language becomes weaker, and I make more mistakes... For admission to the college I want to go to, I need a score of 230 on the computer based test. With the Sampler I usually was around 220 without the essay, so I think I should make it...but who knows... Anyways, thanks a lot for your hints :-) devmag I would give 3.5-4 ,because occasionaly your sentences confuse the meaning.Just try to relax tomm and you will get good ideas I'm sure :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ish Posted June 15, 2005 Share Posted June 15, 2005 Though I prefer giving remarks and not "rates", I agree. I think you'd get around 4 for this. Check your work once before you hand it in. good luck for tomorrow.:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LouisLin Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 I think that your English grammar is good...:) And you will adapt to TOFEL essay wroting regulations. Try to use specific reasons and concrete examples on writing TOFEL essay. I think that your presentation is abstract. Maybe you may make up a illusory story. For example: I have a brother who is a technoical apartment's supervisor of XXX company,....... This counterfeit story can explain your statement. I think you will got a better score of TOFEL essay writing....:) Hello, thank you very much for your hints! I ll try to work on it... Do you think that this essay will be rated more than a 3? The essay part is the one I m most afraid of - I take my test tomorrow - because I cant choose the topics, and usually - when I have a topic, that I dont really know much or dont have many arguments/points - my language becomes weaker, and I make more mistakes... For admission to the college I want to go to, I need a score of 230 on the computer based test. With the Sampler I usually was around 220 without the essay, so I think I should make it...but who knows... Anyways, thanks a lot for your hints :-) devmag Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
devmag Posted June 16, 2005 Author Share Posted June 16, 2005 hey thanks again for the help! i had my toefl today and did quite good, I think. my score will be between 240 - 297, so it worked out all fine; now I m just kind of excited what my essay score will be...the topic was, what kind of holiday would I introduce if i could...so it wasnt that hard. regards and good luck on your exams! devmag Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arjensteve Posted June 16, 2005 Share Posted June 16, 2005 well done :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ish Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 Congrats on your range!!! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Benjaminzhang Posted June 17, 2005 Share Posted June 17, 2005 Nice job in TOEFL, Congrats!:tup: Wish you good luck in essay mark! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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