"There is nothing that young people can teach older people." Please Rate my essay

[acar]

Hello everyone. Today I take my toefl date, 24june. to me, I am not ready but i want to try once. What about you?

Pls rate my essay. Thanks

 

 

Humankind throughout their whole life gain experience whether fastly or slowly. Everyone has a different point of views about the idea of Learning from youngs or not. Some, especially old men, assume that young men cannot teach anything in contrary to those there are some informations that a young person has whether an old person has not. I agree with the second idea.

First of all, children can learn from books. Reading is very easy way to gain informations. By this way, even children can gain a lot of informations. For example, my cousin who is ten years old, know that USA is formed by fifty states. In contrast, an old person may not know these, if he has not learnt or heart from anywhere.

 

Secondly, traveling is another factors that change people’ . Ones can see different area and face with different cultures moreover recognize with different people by travelling. However, person who do not like these cannot gain experience. My grandmother, for instance, does not like visiting and going anywhere; therefore she is not good at relationships with people. But, a young man who travels a lot can be better than my grandmother is.

 

 

The last but not least, ıq may supply people making true decision. Not only one’s years but one’s characteristics and intelligence also influence 'his or her decision. To describe, a man who is twenty years old can make better decision about company’s future than a person who is sixty years old thanks to his natural ability, intelligence.

 

To sum up, as the above reasons young may teach olds something. According to me; reading, traveling as well as intelligence affect people' experience. I hope ones will broke this silly belief that there is noting youngs teach olds in the future.

[miporti]

Hi acar.

 

I'm taking mine on the 20th... I wish you good luck anyway.

 

Here are some comments:

 

> take care to the grammar (gains, point of view, factor)

 

> keep your sentences short and easy (e.g. this one is very complex: Some, especially old men, assume that young men cannot teach anything in contrary to those there are some informations that a young person has whether an old person has not.)

 

> I think the length of the essay is fine. The conclusion could be a bit longer. I prefer to make a keysentence at the beginning of each paragraph. Then explaining it and make an example. This probably helps you to organize it!

 

Cheers

[ish]

Acar,

This is a beautiful topic. I realise half an hour may not be sufficient time to do it justice, but try to think of better examples.

Your ideas are very good, but your sentence structure sometimes compromises your thoughts. I would suggest you shorten your sentences. There is nothing wrong with a terse style. In fact, it makes for more pleasing reading sometimes :)

Avoid spelling mistakes, and watch out for punctuation errors. There are quite some quote marks, etc in your essay that are not needed at all. Watch out for this.

Hope to see another one from you soon.

 

 

 

Humankind throughout their whole life gain experience whether fastly or slowly.[man learns from his experiences. some of us learn very quickly, while some of us require more time] Everyone has a different point of views about the idea of Learning from youngs or not.[from young people] Some, especially old men[why?], assume that young men cannot teach anything in contrary to those there are some informations that a young person has whether an old person has not[this isnt very clear. i would suggest you split your sentences, make them smaller.] I agree with the second idea.

 

 

First of all, children can learn from books. Reading is very easy way to gain informations[information]. By this way, even children can gain a lot of informations. For example, my cousin who is ten years old, knows that USA is formed by fifty states. In contrast, an old person may not know these, if he has not learnt or heart[heard] from anywhere.

[your point is strong here, in that books can be very informative. but could you think of a better example, perhaps?]

 

Secondly, traveling is another factors[you have written travelling IS, so its singular, right?] that changes people’ . Ones can see different area and face with different cultures moreover recognize with different people by travelling. However, person who do not like these cannot gain experience. My grandmother, for instance, does not like visiting and going anywhere; therefore she is not good at relationships with people. But, a young man who travels a lot can be better than my grandmother is.

[okay]

 

 

The last but not least[in summary], ıq[?] may supply people making true decision. Not only one’s years but one’s characteristics and intelligence also influence 'his or her decision. To describe, a man who is twenty years old can make better decision about company’s future than a person who is sixty years old thanks to his natural ability, intelligence.

 

To sum up, as the above reasons young may teach olds[older people something. According to me; reading, traveling as well as intelligence affect people' experience. I hope ones will broke this silly belief that there is noting youngs teach olds in the future[i hope people stop paying attention to such beliefs that older people cannot learn anything from youngsters.].

[acar]

thanks miporti and ish.

 

keep your sentences short and easy

I agree with you.

Humankind throughout their whole life gain experience whether fastly or slowly.[man learns from his experiences. some of us learn very quickly, while some of us require more time] Everyone has a different point of views about the idea of Learning from youngs or not.[from young people] Some, especially old men[why?], assume that young men cannot teach anything in contrary to those there are some informations that a young person has whether an old person has not[this isnt very clear. i would suggest you split your sentences, make them smaller.] I agree with the second idea.

first paragraph was fully darkened again :p

 

The last but not least[in summary]

what is the proplem there? I stole "last but not least" from essays scored 6.

ıq[?]

:hmm: it is a level of ones intelligence. But you are right. I had to use other things. moreover, i also wrote "ıq" istead of "iq".

 

thanks for your advices again.

[ish]

 

what is the proplem there? I stole "last but not least" from essays scored 6.

/

 

There is no problem. Use "Last but not least" and not "The last but not least".

 

And IQ must be capitalised.

[acar]

hmm. oke