Ziyod Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 Hi! I got rather strange topic, was really hard to begin. I lost 10 minutes thinking what to write. Don’t you find it is difficult topic??? I found that. But I tried as it was actual test and here is the result. PLEASE, REVIEW AND RATE IT. You may write your own below so I can see variations, but please, RATE it FIRST!!! ------------------------------------------------------- 0139 What do you consider to be the most important room in a house? Why is this room more important to you than any other room? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. ---------------------------------------------------- Everybody has his own favorite and important room in a house. It can be his own room where he may spend most of his time or a kitchen where he tries to experiment with cooking. In my family house the most important room is our living room as I think that the room where a whole family get together and enjoy its time is surely the most important and favorite room. In our living room we have our meals, watch TV together and only there I can feel the integrity of our family. This room is always full of joy and happiness. While having breakfast there we always discuss our plans together and we, I mean I and my brother, can get useful advices. Watching movies we share impressions and sometimes have discussions about the films. I think I love our living room because I love my family very much. Our living room is also a place where we meet our guests. This makes the room even more important and we try to do our best to keep it clean and cosy. I can make any changes in my own room and so can my brother, but when we want to change something in our living room we always have to discuss and compromise. It seems like little community where you should take opinions of others into consideration. To sum up, in spite of the fact that everybody has his or her own room, the most important and favorite room is definitely our living room. I really hope that this room will always be full of happiness and joyfulness. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2 spelling mistakes 270 words ---- (can you write more to this topic, I just can’t) What do you think? Was it worth reading??? SAY something, anything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ay Caramba Posted July 28, 2005 Share Posted July 28, 2005 I don't have any moral quality to criticise your essay because I'm just starting to study this subject but I can show you my opinion. I found that the sentences are too short, for example "This room is always full of joy and happiness". I think it would be better if you add a consequence ("This room is always full of joy and happiness, and due to this it is that I'm happy"), or you can join some short sentences to make a longer one. Instead of saying "I and my brother", you have to say "my brother and I", and the word "joyfulness" exists? Anyway, I found that 270 words for an essay is quite good (the topics doesn't help very much for writing a long essay). How many words an essay has to have? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ziyod Posted July 30, 2005 Author Share Posted July 30, 2005 Hi Ay Caramba, Thank you for your opinion and suggestions. If I'm right there should be appr. 300 words in TOEFL essay. But as I see in the forum that's not the limit. And you're right there isn't the word "joyfulness" :blush: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vvaann Posted July 31, 2005 Share Posted July 31, 2005 Hi! I got rather strange topic, was really hard to begin. I lost 10 minutes thinking what to write. Don’t you find it is difficult topic??? I found that. But I tried as it was actual test and here is the result. PLEASE, REVIEW AND RATE IT. You may write your own below so I can see variations, but please, RATE it FIRST!!! ------------------------------------------------------- 0139 What do you consider to be the most important room in a house? Why is this room more important to you than any other room? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. ---------------------------------------------------- Everybody has his own favorite and important room in a house. It can be his own room where he may spend most of his time or a kitchen where he tries to experiment with cooking. In my family house the most important room is our living room as I think that the room where a[the] whole family get together and enjoy its time is surely the most important and favorite room. [Good introduction] In our living room we have our meals, watch TV together and only there I can[can I – inversion] feel the integrity of our family. This room is always full of joy and happiness. While having breakfast there we always discuss our plans together and we, I mean I and my brother, can get useful advices. Watching movies we share impressions and sometimes have discussions about the films. I think I love our living room because I love my family very much. [Good] Our living room is also a place where we meet our guests. This makes the room even more important and we try to do our best to keep it clean and cosy[??]. I can make any changes in my own room and so can my brother, but when we want to change something in our living room we always have to discuss and compromise. It seems like little community where you should take opinions of others into consideration. [so so] To sum up, in spite of the fact that everybody has his or her own room, the most important and favorite room is definitely our living room. I really hope that this room will[would] always be full of happiness and joyfulness[joy]. [Can be better] -------------------------------------------------------------------------- 2 spelling mistakes 270 words ---- (can you write more to this topic, I just can’t) What do you think? Was it worth reading??? SAY something, anything. Zioyd, Yes, it is worth reading. I think it's a good essay in fact. Comments: - Your grammar is good and you can write clear sentences - The introduction and the first body paragraph are good - The second body paragraph is not really about why it's the most important room. You'd better take another approach - You seemed to run out of time when writing the conclusion. You can make it better Grade: 5.0 Good luck and keep writing! p/s: As you complained this topic is difficult, I'm also trying to write one essay about it and gonna post it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ziyod Posted July 31, 2005 Author Share Posted July 31, 2005 Hi! Vvaann, I like your comments and always glad to them. You're right, I always run out of time but also it is difficult to make long conclusions, but I'm working on it by learning from posted essays here. Thank you for your reply and I hope to get more comments. Best regards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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