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Thread: topic 21-In general, people are living longer now.

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    Azi
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    Lightbulb topic 21-In general, people are living longer now.

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    In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the cause of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.

    With the develpment of human society, people are living longer now. Nowadays,the population of elder people have increased for a lot of reasons.I believe that the main reasons are to improve the quality of food, to improve medical services, and to increase exercises and sports in daily life of human beings.

    The improvement quality of food is probably the most common reason that people are living linger.Nowadays with development of noutrition industry, we can find the nutrition information about any food.Therefore, We can eat better and more healthfully than we used to.We eat vegtabales,fruits, and low-fat dairy products, and that means less people with cancer and heart disease.Better food and better nutrition give us a healthier body.

    Medical services have improved over the year.Medical care is more available and affordable to people.When someone is seriously ill or injured, there are many hospitals and clinics to take care of him.Years ago, medical care wasn't available to everyone.Some people didn't live near medical centers such as hospitals and clinics, and some people couldn't afford to pay for the care they needed.Also, medical invention such as radiation therapy has also saved many lives and improved the quality of life for countless people.

    In addition, Exercises and sports have increased in daily life of people because people realised the importance of exercises to their health.Nowadays, people read many articles about connection between sports and health .So, with improving knowledge of people, they aware the importance of exercises for their health.

    In conclusion, people are living longer now because of improving medical care,improving the quality of food, and realising the importance of exercises in their life.I think all of these are reasons why people are living longer now.
    Last edited by Azi; 10-31-2005 at 03:42 AM.

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    4 - 4.5
    The structure is very good.
    The reasons you will not get above a 4.5 with this essay (if you're lucky) are the following:
    There are quite a few spelling mistakes (use a spell checker).
    There are some grammar mistakes (see below).
    the conclusion is rather weak. Yes, you should mention the above paragraphs again, but then finish with one strong and convincing sentence.
    You don't show a very broad vocabulary.

    Quote Originally Posted by Azi
    In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the cause of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.


    With the develpment of human society, people are living longer now. Nowadays,the population of elder people have increased for a lot of reasons.I believe that the main reasons are to improve the improvement in the quality of food, to improve the improvement in medical services, and to the increase of exercises and sports in daily life [s]of human beings[/s}.

    (good introduction)

    The improvement improved quality of food is probably the most common reason that people are living linger.Nowadays with development of noutrition industry, we can find the nutrition information about any food.Therefore, We can eat better and more healthfully healthy than we used to.We eat vegtabales,fruits, and low-fat dairy products, and that means less people with cancer and heart disease.Better food and better nutrition give us a healthier body.

    Medical services have improved over the years.Medical care is more available and affordable to people.When someone is seriously ill or injured, there are many hospitals and clinics to take care of him.Years ago, medical care wasn't available to everyone.Some people didn't live near medical centers such as hospitals and clinics, and some people couldn't afford to pay for the care they needed.Also, medical invention such as radiation therapy has also saved many lives and improved the quality of life for countless people.

    In addition, Exercises and sports have increased in the daily life of people because people realised the importance of exercises to their health.Nowadays, people read many articles about connection between sports and health .So, with improving knowledge of people, they aware the importance of exercises for their health.

    (a bit repetitive)

    In conclusion, people are living longer now because of the improving improvements in medical care and ,improving the quality of food quality, and they realise realising the importance of exercises in their life.I think all of these are reasons why people are living longer now.

    (rather weak concluding sentence)
    Good Luck

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    Azi
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    Lightbulb thanks

    thank you for your comments.
    I will try in next time to write without grammar error.

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