Topic 65...Please give me advice

[Angelica]

Dear all,

I felt rerely embarrassed last time for my post. I have a hard time writing an essay in just 30 min. I sincerely wish someone may give me suggestion.

 

#65 Should a city try to preserve its old, historic buildings or destroy them and replace them with modern buildings? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

 

Old, historic buildings may reflect our past whether honorable or sympathetic. Some old buildings are remained as to commemorate the country's early heroes. In my opinion, historic buildings should be preserve rather than destroy, because it functions as vivid historical book, helps us to cherish our present life more, and more significantly it enable the country to grain more incomes.

First of all, an old, historic building is a piece of history. People may learn more through the architectural heritage by observing its inner structure and decoration, as well as its exterior construction. From the building itself, for example, it tells us about

the way people in the early time used to fight with enemies. Likely, the Great Wall gives an example of the way old Chin dynasty used to prevent intruders. In addition, the elaborated old Imperial Palace in China also reveals the luxurious live of old Chinese emperors. Therefore, as long as visitors walking into this relic, tourists are

expectably to feel like going back to the early time as by time machine and hear the conversation of people in the history.

Secondly, the more people know about their history through these historic building, the more they learn to cherish their present life. Life in the early time is not always as comfortable as today. Many heroes had fought for freedom and life. For instance, people today have a more equal right to live than in the past. Therefore, through the cells in a small island near Taiwan, people learn that many intellectuals had sacrifice to our nowadays human rights.

Last, old, historic buildings are not always useless. These buildings are in fact more attractive than modern buildings. Hence, while more tourists come to visit these building, a country may flow in more revenue.

In conclusion, modern buildings should not replace historic building in a city, even though these old building seem too old to use. In my viewpoint, they are more precious, for they are part of history, they teach us to cherish our life, and also they help a country to earn more.

[komial21]

Hi Angelica!

I took my TOEFL yesterday and everything was under-control except the timer on the essay. Believe me time sure flies when one is writing the essay.

One thing you could do is read the essay topics thoroughly (on the TOEFL list) and try to prepare a 'skeleton' (of possible examples that you might want to put in the body of the essay ) of as many essays as you can. When one is familiar with the topic and already has ideas, it takes lesser time.

Good Luck!

[Lukas]

Just a quick suggestion for the time problem. Give yourself more time for practising. Maybe start out at 1 hour (trying to keep the essay at the same length though). When you're satisfied with your results cut the time down to maybe 45 minutes.. and so on.

[Lukas]

[really repeat the topic question]

Old, historic buildings may reflect our past whether honorable or sympathetic. Some old buildings are remained as have been conserved to commemorate the country's early heroes. In my opinion, historic buildings should be preserved rather than destroyed, because it they[referring to buildings] functions as a vivid historical book, helps us to cherish our present life more, and more significantly most importantly it they enable the country to grain more improve the country's incomes.

 

First of all, an old, a historic building is a piece of history. People may learn more a lot through about the architectural heritage by observing its inner structure and decoration, as well as its exterior construction. From The building itself, for example, it tells us about the way people in the early time ancient times used to fight with against their enemies. Likely For instance, the Great Wall of China gives is an example of the way intruders were averted during the (old) Chin dynasty used to prevent intruders. In addition, the elaborated [you mean "elaborate" which is an adverb] ornate old Imperial Palace in China also reveals the luxurious live of old Chinese emperors. Therefore, as long as visitors walking into this relic, tourists are expectably to feel like going back to the early time as by time machine and hear the conversation of people in the history.[sorry, I had to restructure this] Visitors from all around the world seem to enjoy the way this relic takes them back in time. Some of them even say, they can almost hear the echoes of long gone conversations.

 

Secondly, the more people know about their history through these historic buildings, the more they learn to cherish their present life. Life in the early time is was not always as comfortable as today. Many heroes had fought for freedom and life [maybe "equal rights" instead of "life"]. For instance, people today have a more equal right to live [never say "more equal" it's a contradiction in itself] rights and higher living standards than in the past. Therefore, through the cells in a small island near Taiwan, people learn that many intellectuals had sacrifice to our nowadays human rights.

 

[This last sentence seems disconnected and I don't understand what you are trying to say. Cells in a small island?If you use "therefore" it has to be a clear logic continuation of what you just said in the sentence before.]

 

Last Finally, old, historic buildings are not always useless [you are defending these buildings! don't say they are useless] far from useless. These buildings They are in fact more attractive than most modern buildings. Hence, while more tourists come to visit these building, a country may flow in more revenue. Therefore, a lot of tourists will come to visit these relics and increase the revenue of the country.

 

In conclusion, modern buildings should not replace historic buildings in a city, even though if these old buildings seem too old to use. In my viewpoint, they are more precious, for they are part of history, they teach us to cherish our life, and also they also help improve the financial situation of a country to earn more.

 

The structure and content is very good.

In the introduction you really line out the main points you're going to talk about in the body of the essay. The only thing that's missing is the clear restatement of the essay question. I. e. "Should historic buildings be destroyed to make place for modern buildings?"

The paragraphs are well developed. You give your reasons and finish with an example.

The conclusion is good; it picks up the main points of the paragraphs. You could improve it by finishing with a stronger final statement.

 

The word "old" is overused, other than that you display a reasonably broad vocabulary.

 

You make some grammar mistakes. Most of them are singular plural mistakes, where the verb does't match the subject, or where you switch between singular and plural from one part of a sentence to the next. I.e. "modern buildings should not replace historic building".

 

This essay should probably be good enough for a 4.5, especially if you try to keep an eye out for the singular/plural issue.

[Angelica]

Dear Lukas and Komial21,

Thank you so much for your precious advice. I will take both of your advice into practice. By the way, thanks for your comments, Lukas. They help me a lot. Thanks so much. ~^_________^~

 

Wish you all have a happy day.