Trying to make mom and pop proud
- Rep Power
can anyone evaluate and score my essay pls..
Do you agree or disagree that progress is always good? Use specific
reasons and examples to support your answer. Topic 37
Human being has a very complicated structure containing different characteristics and features from other creatures. People have different feelings, different emotions and necessities as well. In my opinion one of the main necessities of human being is progress in the life. Hence, progress is of course essential and good for people in whole period of life.
Progress is also one of the result of human’s nature. As it is mentioned us in the school during the time of education human being is a social creature. They never live alone and they are not static. What I want to say is, people are so keen on keeping in touch eachothers and have always desire to travel, move etc. This is the situation that results the progress in fact.
Progress is good for all people. Not only in private life but also social life and business life. No people wants to stay in the same position, in the same status even in the same house or town. All people definitely need to alter and develop their life standart and their environment or status to be satisfied in the life. Because nature of the human being requires a continuous changes and alterations and this means actually progress.
It gets better to explain the issue in a simple example. Imagine a police officer who has just graduated from police academy and became an officer without rank. He will always desire to have a rank and than to cross next rank during his/her work life. He/she will pass the next but his/her desire will keep going on and he/she will try to pass the next one. Because this is a progress for a police officer and he/she is doing what his/her nature requires.
To conclude based on above mentioned points, in my opinion it is imposible to say that progress in not good. Furthermore it is not sometimes, always needed for people to get rid of the monotonous life.
This essay will probably get around a 3.5.
It is good to try to show your vocabulary. However, in some of your sentences you use words in a rather unusual context, i.e. "doing what his nature requires." Try to stick to sentence structures and words you are confident with.
One of the easier grammar errors to avoid is consistency of plural and singular. Make sure your adjectives and/or verbs match with the corresponding nouns. If it's plural you must not use "A" as an article. "
A changes". Either use "the", "several" or nothing.
Try to avoid phrases like "What I want to say is" or "To conclude based on above mentioned points". They do not carry any information. Use some good linking words instead. They will make the sentence look much better (and shorter). Here a short list of linking words:
"First of all", "Quite frankly", "Personally", "However", "Furthermore", "Most importantly", "Finally", "In conclusion"
Do not use "etc."; if you have more to say, say it, if you don't then don't. You should never use abbreviations anyway.
The most important thing to do is to improve your essay structure. This is completely independent from your level of English.
Following some basic steps you can really improve your score, even with very simple sentences.
The first sentence of the essay should always be the rephrased essay question. Rearrange the structure of the sentence and replace some words.
The next sentence should be the answer to the question asked. They usually ask whether or not you agree.
"I do not agree that ...." (yes, it's that simple).
Then you should give three reasons why this is your opinion.
In the body you elaborate on these reasons (in three paragraphs) and in the conclusion you summarize your ideas and finish with a strong concluding sentence.
You can find more detailed information about how to structure your essay in this post: " (Topic #25, please rate/comment)Tips on essay structure and strategy"
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