portfolio Posted January 17, 2006 Share Posted January 17, 2006 Hi guys!!! I am going to attend TOEFL(still don't know when). Right now I am studying from Cambridge Practice(only the CD)and Barron's(2 books but without any CD in it) :) I did one of the tests in the CD.The result was 203-260. Is it possible for you to tell me where my mistakes are in my essay.This is my weakest spot. Just for the record,the position I defend in my essay is not the position i defend in my real life.I just found it easier to defend. Topic 35: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. I think that attending a live performance is not more enjoyable than watching the same event on television.I like the second one better because I don't have to pay a lot of money,nobody will shout right next to me,the weather will always be good and I will be safe in my comfortable couch. First,it doesn't matter if I am in the stadium or at home,because the event is the same.It is how you see it.At home I don't have to pay a lot of money and still I will be able to see the game of my favourite team.At home it is free of charge. Second of all it is crazy to attend a soccer game.There is always a guy sitting next to me shouting and disturbing me.I want to watch the game,not to listen to this guy.And that happens every time when I attend a game. There is another argument to watch a match at home.The weather is always good.It is really uncomfortable to enjoy a game when it rains or it is cold.I simply can not think of the game.That is not happening at home.I have a great fire place and can have a drink. Safety in a soccer game might be a problem.There are always a few troublemakers at the stadium.I often hear about wounded people from all over the world after attendind a soccer game.On the other side at home I am safe. In summary,I prefer to watch my favorite soccer team playing on television rather to attend the same event at the stadium.I don't have to pay,nobody is disturbing me,the temperature is nice and it is safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awhig Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 Hmmm............ Hi guys!! I am going to attend TOEFL(still don't know when). Right now I am studying from Cambridge Practice(only the CD)and Barron's(2 books but without any CD in it) :) I did one of the tests in the CD.The result was 203-260. Is it possible for you to tell me where my mistakes are in my essay.This is my weakest spot. Just for the record,the position I defend in my essay is not the position i defend in my real life.I just found it easier to defend. [/Quote] Topic 35: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. I think that attending a live performance is not more enjoyable than watching the same event on television.I like the second one [be specific here...do not use second one .They are pointers and reader is forced to re-read the topic ]better because I don't have to pay a lot [try not to use this word] of money,nobody will shout right next to me,the weather will always be good and I will be safe in my comfortable couch. [Valid point.Accepted] First,it doesn't matter if I am in the stadium or at home,because the event is the same.It is how you see it.At home I don't have to pay a lot of money and still I will be able to see the game of my favourite team.At home it is free of charge. [OK] Second of all it is crazy to attend a soccer game.There is always a guy sitting next to me shouting and disturbing me [Wrong tense and means that it hapens with you always.]. I want to watch the game,not to listen to this[Who is this guy?] guy.And that happens every time when I attend a game. [Points deducted owing to confusion.Not a strong point either] There is another argument to watch a match at home.The weather is always good.It is really uncomfortable to enjoy a game when it rains or it is cold.I simply can not think of the game.That is not happening at home.[Take care about tenses.You are using present continuous.Here you are generalizing your point.Could have been put as : That does not happen. ]I have a great fire place and can have a drink. [Point is good but not put as impressive] Safety in a soccer game might be a problem.There are always a few troublemakers at the stadium.I often hear about wounded people from all over the world after attendind a soccer game.On the other side at home I am safe. [Elaborate.Wounded players or wounded spectators.In case of wounded spectators how do they get hurt?] In summary,I prefer to watch my favorite soccer team playing on television rather to attend the same event at the stadium.I don't have to pay,nobody is disturbing me,the temperature is nice and it is safe. SCore : 4.0 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
portfolio Posted January 18, 2006 Author Share Posted January 18, 2006 Hi there!!! Thanks a lot for the time you spent to check my essay. I guess I have to practice more. My problems are grammar in general and awkward expressions. For example,I don't see better expression than the one I did in conclusion for the temperature. I mean - how can I say "temperature is nice" better? Temperature is OK,temperature is good,weater conditions are good? Maybe the third one? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awhig Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Hi there!! Thanks a lot for the time you spent to check my essay. I guess I have to practice more. My problems are grammar in general and awkward expressions. For example,I don't see better expression than the one I did in conclusion for the temperature. I mean - how can I say "temperature is nice" better? Temperature is OK,temperature is good,weater conditions are good? Maybe the third one? Though "Temerature is OK" is not wrong but its not impressive. What i mean is that the phrase used is ok for an informal talk.For adding professionalism its better to modify it.Though I have not penalized you for this. For practicing grammar, visit old posts. Many months back I did post on how to improve. If you don't like to spend time in searching for archived posts then here i go again: 1 First of all, try to master the grammatical part if your language is poor. 2 If you have confidence then read simple articles on net. 3 If even that is not reqiured then keep your ideas simple, short and robust. 4 Visit the 6.0 rated essays. Keep it cool.Do not panic if you get 4.0 while practicing. In actual you can get 5.0 or 6.0 .Some topics do not click. 5. For this , first choose those essays that seem to be easiest.Then follow the tough ones. 6. Do the official practice Tests first. I found Cambridge tests toughest of all when I used to prepare. Best Wishes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
portfolio Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 Thanks a lot!!! I appreciate it. When did you take the test? What was your score? Regards, Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awhig Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Thanks a lot!! I appreciate it. When did you take the test? What was your score? Regards, Took in 2004.Scored 260 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
portfolio Posted January 19, 2006 Author Share Posted January 19, 2006 Took in 2004.Scored 260 That's a good score. Are you in University right now? Are you undergraduate or graduate student? I am thinking to do MBA,but I guess my scores are not gonna be enough for a good school in USA,so I am thinking for Univeristy in Europe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awhig Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 For MBA and other try to get over 250.TOEFL is just an indicator for your acquaintance with the language and your adaptibility to it. For you GMAT is more important than this test. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lukas Posted January 19, 2006 Share Posted January 19, 2006 Hi awhig, good to see you back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
awhig Posted January 20, 2006 Share Posted January 20, 2006 Hi awhig, good to see you back. Yeah. Hi, how are you Lukas. Where are you now?If I remember you were going for biological field? Well whats up now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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