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PLZ rate my essay-the Earth is being harmed (damaged) by human activity


LouisLin

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Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed (damaged) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

We all know that people in the prehistorical period had to struggle natural environment in order to make livings. They had to hunt preys and gather fruits, even cut down trees to build their houses. However, as technology improved, many people are aware of human activities have great influence on our living earth and raise a big debate on this issue. Some people claim that human activities are damage our living earth, simultaneously, the other people advocate that human activity makes the earth a better place to live. In my opinion, I consider that human activities impair our living earth seriously. In the following paragraphs, I will try to detail why I think Earth is being harmed by human activity.

 

First of all, our living earth is being harmed by human activity because people overuse natural resource in the present time. As everybody knows, the population on our earth nowadays increases rapidly so that more people than before have to consume more food provision and daily commodities. To elaborate the above description, natural resources will become less and less when population continue growing. Frankly speaking, the amount of petroleum decreases quickly because many people drive their own cars which need gasoline. According to the experts’ indication, people who live on the earth today can use gasoline for only thirty years and will sink into energy crisis in the future.

 

Secondly, our living earth is being harmed by human activity because human activity also leads to all kinds of lethal pollution. As we know, to make more money, many factories and enterprises drain off poisonous waste water into rivers In addition, air pollution has already damaged the environment of earth and us who also live on the earth. To detail the above argument, the exhaust fume which is emitted by many factories and cars can destroy ozonosphere of the earth and cause greenhouse effect. That is to say, a surfeit of ultraviolet rays will cover the surface of our living earth, not only will human tend to have skin cancer, but many kinds of species living on the earth may encounter extinction.

 

Thirdly, our living earth is being harmed by human activity because human activity always destroys the ecological balance of the earth. For example, Jxxxnese are notorious for hunting whales so as to satisfy their voracity. As everybody knows, every species has its own prey. Therefore, if human over hunt some animals or over consume some plants, many species which feed on the above animals or plants will be on the brink of extinction.

 

To sump up, in accordance of the above arguments, I can come up with my conclusion that Earth is being damaged by human activity. Many scholars and environmental groups already spare no effort in announcing the importance of environment protection. In addition, the governments of many countries also make laws to prohibit human activity form wasting natural resources, making all kinds of pollution and destroying ecosystem. Of course, maybe somebody hold different view of this issue. Nevertheless, for the reasons that I have presented above, I think my position is the most valid.

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I will take TOEFL CBT exam in April. So I hope every gurus,like Awhig and Ish may rate my essay and give me some useful suggestions.Thank you very much.

 

Besides, I use ETS GRE Criterion to evaluate the above essay yesterday, I only got 4 scores. I am deeply frustrated.:(

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Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed (damaged) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

We all know that people in the prehistorical period had to struggle natural environment in order to make livings. They had to hunt preys and gather fruits, even cut down trees to build their houses. However, as technology improved, many people are aware of human activities have great influence on our living earth and raise a big debate on this issue. Some people claim that human activities are damage our living earth, simultaneously, the other people advocate that human activity makes the earth a better place to live. In my opinion, I consider that human activities impair our living earth seriously. In the following paragraphs, I will try to detail why I think Earth is being harmed by human activity.

[Descent start.Good coordination found]

First of all, our living earth is being harmed by human activity because people overuse natural resource in the present time. As everybody knows, the population on our earth nowadays increases["has increased"...becuase it is a recent and well known fact.It is not an observation hence "nowdays increase" is wrong to use] rapidly so that more people than before have to consume more food provision and daily commodities. To elaborate the above description, natural resources will become less and less when population continue growing. Frankly speaking, the amount of petroleum decreases quickly because many people drive their own cars which need gasoline. According to the experts’ indication, people who live on the earth today can use gasoline for only thirty years and will sink into energy crisis in the future.

[Good finding.Need to be careful about language.See the context first and time.]

 

Secondly, our living earth is being harmed by human activity because human activity also [repetition] leads to all kinds of[cut this] lethal pollution. As we know, to make more money, many factories and enterprises drain off poisonous waste water into rivers. In addition, air pollution has already damaged the environment of earth and us who also live on the earth. To detail the above argument, the exhaust fume which is emitted by many factories and cars can destroy ozonosphere of the earth and cause greenhouse effect. That is to say, a surfeit of ultraviolet rays will cover the surface of our living earth, not only will human tend to have skin cancer, but many kinds of species living on the earth may encounter extinction.

[ok]

Thirdly, our living earth is being harmed by human activity because human activity always destroys the ecological balance of the earth. For example, Jxxxnese [Try not to be political.Instead use "some nations or people"....be neutral. If some Jxxxxxese rate your essay , he can get angry.] are notorious for hunting whales so as to satisfy their voracity. As everybody knows, every species has its own prey.[Line not clear.,] Therefore, if human over hunt some animals or over consume some plants, many species which feed on the above animals or plants will be on the brink of extinction.

[Highlight a general point then elaborate through examples.In this para general point can be " Human activities harm ecosystem. How?? Give your examples to what you have mentioned.]

To sump up, in accordance of the[delete this] above arguments, I can come up with my conclusion [i conclude]that Earth is being damaged by human activity[ies]. Many scholars and environmental groups already spare no effort in announcing the importance of environment protection. In addition, the governments of many countries also make laws to prohibit human activity form wasting natural resources, making all kinds of pollution and destroying ecosystem. Of course, maybe somebody hold different view of this issue. Nevertheless, for the reasons that I have presented above, I think my position is the most valid.

 

Score : 4.0 - 4.5

Comments:

1. Ideas and their illustrations are nice.

2. Deduction due to reasons above.

3. Do not get disheartened.TOEFL essays stress primarly on language rules and articulation of presented ideas.

4. Had you not made above mistakes. You deserve 5.0.

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Share on other sites

Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed (damaged) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

We all know that people in the prehistorical period had to struggle natural environment in order to make livings. They had to hunt preys and gather fruits, even cut down trees to build their houses. However, as technology improved, many people are aware of human activities have great influence on our living earth and raise a big debate on this issue. Some people claim that human activities are damage our living earth, simultaneously, the other people advocate that human activity makes the earth a better place to live. In my opinion, I consider that human activities impair our living earth seriously. In the following paragraphs, I will try to detail why I think Earth is being harmed by human activity.

[Descent start.Good coordination found]

First of all, our living earth is being harmed by human activity because people overuse natural resource in the present time. As everybody knows, the population on our earth nowadays increases["has increased"...becuase it is a recent and well known fact.It is not an observation hence "nowdays increase" is wrong to use] rapidly so that more people than before have to consume more food provision and daily commodities. To elaborate the above description, natural resources will become less and less when population continue growing. Frankly speaking, the amount of petroleum decreases quickly because many people drive their own cars which need gasoline. According to the experts’ indication, people who live on the earth today can use gasoline for only thirty years and will sink into energy crisis in the future.

[Good finding.Need to be careful about language.See the context first and time.]

 

Secondly, our living earth is being harmed by human activity because human activity also [repetition] leads to all kinds of[cut this] lethal pollution. As we know, to make more money, many factories and enterprises drain off poisonous waste water into rivers. In addition, air pollution has already damaged the environment of earth and us who also live on the earth. To detail the above argument, the exhaust fume which is emitted by many factories and cars can destroy ozonosphere of the earth and cause greenhouse effect. That is to say, a surfeit of ultraviolet rays will cover the surface of our living earth, not only will human tend to have skin cancer, but many kinds of species living on the earth may encounter extinction.

[ok]

Thirdly, our living earth is being harmed by human activity because human activity always destroys the ecological balance of the earth. For example, Jxxxnese [Try not to be political.Instead use "some nations or people"....be neutral. If some Jxxxxxese rate your essay , he can get angry.] are notorious for hunting whales so as to satisfy their voracity. As everybody knows, every species has its own prey.[Line not clear.,] Therefore, if human over hunt some animals or over consume some plants, many species which feed on the above animals or plants will be on the brink of extinction.

[Highlight a general point then elaborate through examples.In this para general point can be " Human activities harm ecosystem. How?? Give your examples to what you have mentioned.]

To sump up, in accordance of the[delete this] above arguments, I can come up with my conclusion [i conclude]that Earth is being damaged by human activity[ies]. Many scholars and environmental groups already spare no effort in announcing the importance of environment protection. In addition, the governments of many countries also make laws to prohibit human activity form wasting natural resources, making all kinds of pollution and destroying ecosystem. Of course, maybe somebody hold different view of this issue. Nevertheless, for the reasons that I have presented above, I think my position is the most valid.

 

Score : 4.0 - 4.5

Comments:

1. Ideas and their illustrations are nice.

2. Deduction due to reasons above.

3. Do not get disheartened.TOEFL essays stress primarly on language rules and articulation of presented ideas.

4. Had you not made above mistakes. You deserve 5.0.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed (damaged) by human activity. Others feel that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

We all know that people in the prehistorical period had to struggle natural environment in order to make livings. They had to hunt preys and gather fruits, even cut down trees to build their houses. However, as technology improved, many people are aware of human activities have great influence on our living earth and raise a big debate on this issue. Some people claim that human activities are damage our living earth, simultaneously, the other people advocate that human activity makes the earth a better place to live. In my opinion, I consider that human activities impair our living earth seriously. In the following paragraphs, I will try to detail why I think Earth is being harmed by human activity.

[Descent start.Good coordination found]

First of all, our living earth is being harmed by human activity because people overuse natural resource in the present time. As everybody knows, the population on our earth nowadays increases["has increased"...becuase it is a recent and well known fact.It is not an observation hence "nowdays increase" is wrong to use] rapidly so that more people than before have to consume more food provision and daily commodities. To elaborate the above description, natural resources will become less and less when population continue growing. Frankly speaking, the amount of petroleum decreases quickly because many people drive their own cars which need gasoline. According to the experts’ indication, people who live on the earth today can use gasoline for only thirty years and will sink into energy crisis in the future.

[Good finding.Need to be careful about language.See the context first and time.]

 

Secondly, our living earth is being harmed by human activity because human activity also [repetition] leads to all kinds of[cut this] lethal pollution. As we know, to make more money, many factories and enterprises drain off poisonous waste water into rivers. In addition, air pollution has already damaged the environment of earth and us who also live on the earth. To detail the above argument, the exhaust fume which is emitted by many factories and cars can destroy ozonosphere of the earth and cause greenhouse effect. That is to say, a surfeit of ultraviolet rays will cover the surface of our living earth, not only will human tend to have skin cancer, but many kinds of species living on the earth may encounter extinction.

[ok]

Thirdly, our living earth is being harmed by human activity because human activity always destroys the ecological balance of the earth. For example, Jxxxnese [Try not to be political.Instead use "some nations or people"....be neutral. If some Jxxxxxese rate your essay , he can get angry.] are notorious for hunting whales so as to satisfy their voracity. As everybody knows, every species has its own prey.[Line not clear.,] Therefore, if human over hunt some animals or over consume some plants, many species which feed on the above animals or plants will be on the brink of extinction.

[Highlight a general point then elaborate through examples.In this para general point can be " Human activities harm ecosystem. How?? Give your examples to what you have mentioned.]

To sump up, in accordance of the[delete this] above arguments, I can come up with my conclusion [i conclude]that Earth is being damaged by human activity[ies]. Many scholars and environmental groups already spare no effort in announcing the importance of environment protection. In addition, the governments of many countries also make laws to prohibit human activity form wasting natural resources, making all kinds of pollution and destroying ecosystem. Of course, maybe somebody hold different view of this issue. Nevertheless, for the reasons that I have presented above, I think my position is the most valid.

 

Score : 4.0 - 4.5

Comments:

1. Ideas and their illustrations are nice.

2. Deduction due to reasons above.

3. Do not get disheartened.TOEFL essays stress primarly on language rules and articulation of presented ideas.

4. Had you not made above mistakes. You deserve 5.0.

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Share on other sites

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