Hi there Azi ,
Thanks for your post. The thing I like about your essay is your clear stand of view and that it has no typos. But as far as I can see, it still has some problems in terms of organizing, reasoning and grammars.
When it comes to the organization of the essay, you have 4 clear-cut paragraphs, which are arranged understandably. The first 3 are okey with me; but for the conclusion, you have put in an argument that has not really been discussed before:
And this needs more illustration in the 3rd paragraph:Experience is a practical way to find theoretical knowledge that gained from books is real or not.
As for reasoning, the 3rd paragraph has some problems. The following arguments are very attackable, because you provide no examples and support reasons:In addition, many important aspect of our personality such as our feelings and skills develop through experience.
We "can learn" those skills from practice doesn't mean "we can't" do it using books. You can learn swimming by reading a book teaching to swim first, and then practising it (the book is still useful somehow).In addition, there are many skills that we can learn from practice. It is useless reading a book to learn swimming, to drive a car, and to ride a bicycle.
Why "should"? If you replace "should" by "can", that is acceptable, but this is not persuasive enough to me.These skills should gain practical and we should do them by ourselves.
Um um, it is not obvious when you just state it like that without any further arguments.Also, it is obvious that learning from practice is easier than learning from books.
And for the grammar thingy, I have corrected some of the mistakes below for you . One more small thing, can you use less "in addition"? 3 times in one essay, not a very good way to prove your vocab knowledge hah .
Okey, when it comes to marking, I would give the essay a 4.0/6.0. But I do think you can raise it up to over 5.0 if you'd be just a bit more careful.
Best of the best ,
Originally Posted by Azi