can you please read and score my essay?..thank you in advance

[Iustina]

People attend college or university for many different reasons. Why do you think people attend college or university?

College and university have always represented a positive place for everyone: a place where one can develop better socially and professionally.
In my point of view people decide to attend college or university for many reasons.

First of all, people during high school develop an interest for a certain subject such as biology, anatomy, chemistry, history etc, so they decide to get more knowledge and information about it, in order to be able to pursue a career in the future.

Secondly, education in general has given power to people to feel more self-confident and more respected and admired by others. Also surveys show that the more education you get the bigger the chances are for people to get very well paid jobs which in turn will bring self satisfaction and joy for being able to be financially independent.

And thirdly, by attending the university one can make new friends, foreigners or local people therefore one can meet new cultures, new mentalities and debate points of view about the current issues of the daily life.

In conclusion, people like attending college or university for the several advantages mentioned above that such academic environment can offer, because advanced education gives people respect, power, freedom, self-confidence, satisfaction and also a good financial reward or better said complete fulfillment.

[Daniel Murcia]

I think your essay is wonderful, it is well written, well developed and it addresses the topic correctly. However it could be improved. I think you would get a 5.5/6.0 if it were 250-word long. Shamefully, it is only 215 words. You would enhance your score by putting more examples and developing your ideas extensively, do not forget punctuation. I`d give it a 5.0/6.0

College and university have always represented a positive place for everyone: a place where one can develop better socially and professionally.
In (good, but it`d be better From) my point ofview, (don’t forget punctuation “comma”) people decide to attend college or university for many reasons.

First of all,; people,(put this information between commas) during high school, develop an interest for a certain subject such as biology, anatomy, chemistry, history etc, so, they decide to get more knowledge and information about it, (omit this comma) in order to be able to pursue a career in the future.

Secondly, education in general has given power to people (it be better “has given people the power”) to feel more self-confident and more respected and admired by others. Also, surveys show that the more education you get, (always comma with double comparatives) the bigger the chances are for people to get very well paid jobs which, in turn, will bring self satisfaction and joy for being able to be financially independent.

And thirdly,; by attending the university, one can make new friends,(something is missing here you can add, for instance, the connector “and” and the verb “meet”) foreigners or local people; therefore, one can meet new cultures, new mentalities and debate points of view about the current issues of the daily life.

In conclusion, people like attending college or university for the several advantages mentioned above (considering revising. I think it MAY BE better something like “for the several above mentioned advantages”) that such academic environment can offer, because advanced education gives people respect, power, freedom, self-confidence, satisfaction and also a good financial reward or better said complete fulfillment. (Fulfilment)