Hi, thanks for commenting on my essay. Here is my comment on yours. I am not good at judging essays either so I can just correct some of the grammatical errors.
 - means omit
The issue of the building [of] a new high school in my community may be considered in different ways. It is often believed that this kind of facility goes hand in hand with noise and crime problems. However it is also true that this new infrastructure will widden the access to higher education in our region. Taking all aspects into account, I strongly feel that [the] building [of] a new high school would be a good point for my community.
First, I am firmly conviced that [the] building [of] this high school will improve the current standard of education in my region. I am living in a poor neighborhood, and very few teenagers have good marks (what's marks? grade?) . A young person's chance of going to university is still largely determined by whether or not he or she lives in a good neighborhood. For instance, teenagers from well-off backgrounds are six times more likely to go to university than those from deprived areas. This fact is a pity for our nation. I believe that this new high school will help reduce such inequalities. (I think this paragraph lacks convincing power)
Second, as far as I am concerned, it is obvious that this new high school will trigger new opportunities for all of us. The school will hire people and increase the attractivity of the region. Thus the economic situation will be improved. As a result, unemployment will be reduced. That is why I think that this new infrastructure brings lot of prospects for people [in] my community.
In the end, even if building a new high school may bring noise and [confusion](sounds too extreme) in my community, the benefits that it will give the people, especially the young, outweigh most disadvantages. In short, my stance on this subject is that it is worth building a new high school in my community.