Please score my essay. How many it will get??

[ms0079]

P.S. Please rate it into IBTscore. Thank you for your kindness.

Q: It has recently been announced that a new restaurant may be built

in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why?

Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

A:

In Bangkok, the city planners, who mapping the zone of the city, are not well organized, and not monitor the misplaced shop or restaurant. Consequently, many restaurants locate in the resident areas that not suppose to be there. If a new restaurant planed to open next to my house, I would resist that plan. I oppose that restaurant because it will make the confusion. And, significantly, the emerging of restaurant in the resident zone usually decreases the land's price, in the area.

As usual, the restaurant always brings many people and many problems, so I strongly deny the plan that it will build in my neighborhood. The examples of trouble that restaurant will bring with are, first, noise from people and from a music in there. Second, there is a traffic problem around the area, because many clients, in Bangkok, drive their car to the restaurant. Finally, crimes that come from some customer who got drunk too much will increase near the restaurant. Therefore, I resist that opening next to my house.

In addition, the value of lands often decreases in the area near the restaurant, if both built in the housing area. The price decreases because the restaurant will make that area crowed with their customer, not wanted to be around. Then, the restaurant’s clients will disturb the people who live in the area, and the confusion will be effect to the land’s price. I don’t plan to live in my present home forever, so I don’t want my land price down and I’m unhappy to live near the restaurant.

In conclusion, I’m not only in the opposition of any plan that will build restaurant in my neighborhood, but also I protest the restaurant that be in the misplace area. I don’t like restaurants because it will disturb people life around them. And, significantly, the opening of restaurant in the resident area usually decreases the land's price.

[yamiini]

Please score my essay. How many it will get??

P.S. Please rate it into (acoording to) IBTscore. Thank you for your kindness.

 

 

 

 

Q: It has recently been announced that a new restaurant may be built

in your neighborhood. Do you support or oppose this plan? Why?

Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

 

A:

In Bangkok, the city planners, who mapping the zone of the city, are not well organized, and not monitor the misplaced shop or restaurant(First line doesnot make any sense. It should be "In Bangkok, the city planning is not well organised. Therfore, one can find number of restaurants and shops in a residentisl area.") Consequently, many restaurants (are located) locate in the resident (residential) areas that not suppose to(should not) be there. If a new restaurant ( restauranter is planning to open a new restaurant in my neighbourhood) planed to open next to my house (neighbourhood does not mean necessirily house adjacent to your house, it means surrounding area or nearby area), I would resist that plan. I (would) oppose that(the opening of) restaurant because it will make

(create) the confusion. And, significantly,(use significant at the end of sentence); the emerging of restaurant in the resident(ial) zone usually( no need for usually) (will ) decreases the land's( no need for apostrophe) price (significantly) in the area.

 

As usual, the restaurant always brings (attract) many people and many problems, so I strongly deny(resist) the plan( "that it will build in my neighborhood.", no need for this. ) The examples of trouble that restaurant will bring with( omit "with") are,(:) first, noise from people and from a music in there. Second, and the confusion(how confusion can affect lands price.) will be effect to the land’s price. I don’t plan to live in my present home forever, so I don’t want my land price down(if you are not planning to live in your present home, then why are you getting so upset, Make this statement clear) and I’m unhappy to live near the restaurant.

 

In conclusion( To conclude), I’m not only in the opposition of any plan that will build restaurant in my neighborhood, but also I protest the restaurant that be in the misplace(misplace word doesnot make any sense, misplace means something is lost or something is not at its original place) area. I don’t like restaurants (in my neighbourhood) because it will disturb people life around them (it). And, significantly, the opening of restaurant in the resident area usually decreases the land's(word property instead of land would be better) price.(same mistake )

You need to improve a lot. Your ideas are good. Grammatical mistakes again. Use of improper words. Use dictionary whenever you are not sure of any word. I, myself do the same.Keep on writing. If possible write this essay again with corrections. Read it and see the difference.

All the best.