Quote:
Originally posted by ditoman
Topic #156:
You have the opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks. Which
country would you like to visit? Use specific reasons and details to explain
your choice.
People sometimes talk about the country they want to visit. Before I reveal
my opinion about this issue, I think that the statement in the topic assumes
that I can go to any country for two weeks. Under this assumption, my choice
would be America because America is the most developed country to study at
my major, computer science, and I can meet with HolleyWood celebrities.
More than anything else, I would like to go to America because it is the best
place to study in. America has much developed in many disciplines, especially
engineering subjects. In addition to this, America universities have many
people who reward Nobel prizes, many savants, and very beautiful campuses. If
i could take an education in there, I think that I would devote myself to my
study.
The next thing i'd like to mention here is that I always want to meet with
HolleyWood celebrities. I have met with many celebrities in theaters and TV
programs at least for 10 years. My meeting with them and getting signatures
from them would give me another pleasures. In this manner, I could enjoy
meeting with them.
In conclusion, if I would win a lottery and a chance to go to anywhere is
given to me without worrying money, I would not hesitate to choose America.
It would give me chances to feel developed computer technology as well as
other enjoyments like meeting with HolleyWood stars.
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Hi, Ditoman.
Let me start by saying that your essay is strong in terms of its organization. This is always important when presenting written material. You have a good, standard four paragraph essay here.
What I would recommend, however, is that you always read the question carefully and answer it as directly as possible. You have provided your readers with answers, which although clear, might not be the most logical in terms of the time period (two weeks) slated for the trip in question. In other words, although in two weeks you might be able to visit Hollywood and even see a few moviestars (Main Point #2), it is unlikely that you will be able to further your study or career in computer science during the same amount of time.
So, although the organization is good and your points clearly made, you always want to be sure that you are reading the questions carefully and answering them as directly as possible.
Continue with the format you've chosen, but answer the questions carefully.
I hope this will be of help to you.
Best of luck,
TM Staff
02-20-2004, 07:39 PM
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