#156: You have the opportunity to visit a foreign country fo

[cinderellahn]

Topic 156

You have the opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks. Which country would you like to visit? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.

 

 

An opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks is a big gift. If I have such a chance, I will not hesitate to choose Japan as my destination. How wonderful it would be to visit this beautiful, wealthy and traditional “land of the rising sun”.

 

Although I have never been to Japan, I have read so many things about the country’s beauty. If it is my choice, I will choose to visit Japan in the spring when the appealing cherry trees blossom. The country people often celebrate this signal of the arriving of spring with picnics under the trees. The imagination of sharing this event with them makes me feel excited. I would also love to spend sometime at Fuji mountain, a remarkably symmetrical volcanic cone. The mountain often appears in art and as a symbol of the country. I can also visit many shrines and temples located on its slopes.

 

Japan is a major economic power, and average income levels and standards of living are among the highest in the world. The experience of the country to be wealthy is a good one to my own country. Japan has had to build its enormous industrial output and high standard of living on a comparatively small domestic resource base. But the Japanese work hard and live economical. That is the main reason for the country’s development. Having the opportunity to see all these things will teach me about my generation’s responsibility to develop our country’s economic.

 

Besides the beauty and wealth, Japan is famous for its tradition. A bow is the traditional greeting between Japanese, personal space is important and visits are usually arranged in advance. There are many other customary holidays like the Obon, sports such as sumo, or cloths like the kimono.

 

A visit to Japan will not only be interesting but also broaden my mind. I am looking forward to coming there.

 

 

[meenuyadav]

Please comment on my version .

Meenu Yadav

Getting an opportunity to visit a foreign country is a great gift. If I ever get such an opportunity then I would definitely visit India. It would be wonderful to visit this vast country.

 

I have read a lot about the vast and rich cultural heritage of India. People in India are from various casts, creeds, backgrounds, and religions. But still you can find unity in diversity in India. If I happen to visit India then I would have chance to meet all sort of people and I can learn from them a lot.

 

There are lots of historical places in India that I can visit. I would definitely like to visit places in Delhi, Jaipur and Agra specially. Delhi, which is capital of India, has lots of historical monuments. I can visit Red Fort, Qutub Minar, Jama Masjid, Lotus temple and museums. I would definitely go to chandani chawk, which is the downtown of Delhi.

 

In Agra I can visit “Taj Mahal “ which is one of the wonders of the world.It is built in pure white marble by Emperor Shah Jahan in the memory of his beloved wife Mumtaj Mahal.

 

Apart from being a country having vast cultural heritage India is also a major economic power in South Asia. It is one of the fastest growing economies. India is also famous in world for its Family tradition. In India there is this great concept of joint family. It teaches us a lot about cooperation and tolerance.

 

So I think that by visiting India I would definitely learn a lot and I would have fun too.

 

 

 

[Vaya]

Dear Cinderellahn

 

Really nice essay, there is almost nothing to add.

 

Japan is a major economic power, and average income levels and standards of living are among the highest in the world. The experience of the country to be wealthy is a good one to my own country. Japan has had to build its enormous industrial output and high standard of living on a comparatively small domestic resource base. But the Japanese work hard and live economical. That is the main reason for the country’s development. Having the opportunity to see all these things will teach me about my generation’s responsibility to develop our country’s economic.

 

When I read this para, I thought this is an extract from geography book. Of course the last sentence showed your own opinion and corrected some things, but I stil don't like it. For me it isn't natural. You mentioned such a great many cultural things (in 2nd and 4th paras) and know you want to study Japan economy. If you really want to do this, then it's OK, but if you don't ... then don't write about it.

 

A visit to Japan will not only be interesting but also broaden my mind. I am looking forward to coming there.

 

First of all a mistake: looking forward to go.

 

Hm... Topic says: 'if you have the opportunity...'. And you sound like: 'I'm going to Japan next mounth and I'm looking forward to go there'. It would be better: 'I'm looking forward to get the opportunity to visit Japan.'

 

That's all. I hope you got me. I hope I was right. I hope I helped you.

 

 

 

Edited by - Vaya on 2002 Aug 02 08:40:26

 

Edited by - Vaya on 2002 Aug 02 08:40:59

[Vaya]

Dear Meenuyadav,

 

generally, your essay isn't as good as Cinderellahn's, because it seems like you copied some parts from her essay. Besides your sentences are short. You try to describe the beauty of Indian in short, simple sentences. This is mission impossible. Of course, only native speakers and writers can lively desribe beauty of the country.

 

Also you mentioned a lot of historical places, but you didn't describe them. Why you want to go? What is there? Why it is so special? And for me your 3rd para in essay looks like a list: go there, there, there and there. Of course it's very good that you know so many places, but please disribe them, I don't know these places. The para about Taj Mahal is too short.

 

Apart from being a country having vast cultural heritage India is also a major economic power in South Asia. It is one of the fastest growing economies. India is also famous in world for its Family tradition. In India there is this great concept of joint family. It teaches us a lot about cooperation and tolerance.

 

Like I said to Cinderallahn, I feel that this para isn't natural. But yours is better, because it's short. But you say nothing what you will gain from India's economy. You write that India has great economy, so what? This topic requires not to write facts about country, but to write what you feel about it, describe why you like it.

 

I hope I helped you.

 

Edited by - Vaya on 2002 Aug 02 09:19:47

[Erin]

An opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks is a big gift. If I have such a chance, I will not hesitate to choose Japan as my destination. How wonderful it would be to visit this beautiful, wealthy and traditional “land of the rising sun”.

Good intro, but you make one of the most common (and perhaps difficult to correct) mistakes. If we have to write an essay about a hypothetical situation, we must use the conditional and subjunctive throughout the essay.

 

For example:

 

:) If I had the chance, I would choose to visit Japan. :)

 

but NOT

 

If I have the chance, I will choose to visit Japan.

Although I have never been to Japan, I have read so many things about the country’s beauty. If it is my choice, I will choose to visit Japan in the spring when the appealing cherry trees blossom. The country people often celebrate this signal of the arriving of spring with picnics under the trees. The imagination of sharing this event with them makes me feel excited. I would also love to spend sometime at Fuji mountain, a remarkably symmetrical volcanic cone. The mountain often appears in art and as a symbol of the country. I can also visit many shrines and temples located on its slopes.

 

Japan is a major economic power, and average income levels and standards of living are among the highest in the world. The experience of the country to be wealthy is a good one to my own country. Japan has had to build its enormous industrial output and high standard of living on a comparatively small domestic resource base. But the Japanese work hard and live economical. That is the main reason for the country’s development. Having the opportunity to see all these things will teach me about my generation’s responsibility to develop our country’s economic.

Very nice points!

Besides the beauty and wealth, Japan is famous for its tradition. A bow is the traditional greeting between Japanese, personal space is important and visits are usually arranged in advance. There are many other customary holidays like the Obon, sports such as sumo, or cloths like the kimono.

 

A visit to Japan will not only be interesting but also broaden my mind. I am looking forward to coming there.

Conclusion is a bit too short.

 

Very nice essay! You write very well, and have a wealth of ideas! Great.

 

TOEFL would probably give you a 5.5 for this essay. Nice work!

 

Erin

 

 

[Erin]

Vaya, thanks for helping our friends. You are on your way to becoming a Magician!

 

Erin

 

 

[Erin]

Getting an opportunity to visit a foreign country is a great gift. If I ever get such an opportunity then I would definitely visit India. It would be wonderful to visit this vast country.

 

I have read a lot about the vast and rich cultural heritage of India. People in India are from various casts, creeds, backgrounds, and religions. But still you can find unity in diversity in India. If I happen to visit India then I would have chance to meet all sort of people and I can learn from them a lot.

 

There are lots of historical places in India that I can visit. I would definitely like to visit places in Delhi, Jaipur and Agra specially. Delhi, which is capital of India, has lots of historical monuments. I can visit Red Fort, Qutub Minar, Jama Masjid, Lotus temple and museums. I would definitely go to chandani chawk, which is the downtown of Delhi.

 

In Agra I can visit “Taj Mahal “ which is one of the wonders of the world.It is built in pure white marble by Emperor Shah Jahan in the memory of his beloved wife Mumtaj Mahal.

 

Apart from being a country having vast cultural heritage India is also a major economic power in South Asia. It is one of the fastest growing economies. India is also famous in world for its Family tradition. In India there is this great concept of joint family. It teaches us a lot about cooperation and tolerance.

 

So I think that by visiting India I would definitely learn a lot and I would have fun too.

Hi! Vaya has made some very important points, and I'd like to point out another very important one.

 

Your essay sounds like you are an Indian pretending not to be Indian so that you can write about your own country. What makes me think this? Well, you display a lot of knowledge about the country, more than would be expected for somebody who's only heard about India. If indeed you do know so much about India, then you'd have to explain why it is that you happen to know so much about India. It could be the case, for example, that you have always had a fascination with India, and like to read as much as you can about it, but you've never visited India. If this is the case, you should say so in your essay.

 

Because of what I've said, your essay sounds more like "what are the great things about your country" than "what country would you like to visit."

 

Your organization is very good, but you have some grammar mistakes.

 

All in all, I think TOEFL would give you a 3.5 or a 4.0 for this essay.

 

Hope that helps!!

 

Erin

 

 

[meenuyadav]

Hi Vaya,

Thanks for your suggestions and pointing out my mistakes.

Meenu

 

 

[cinderellahn]

[/blue]

Thank you for pointing out my mistakes. It is so helpful, I will try to correct it in other essays.

 

Conclusion is a bit too short.

 

I find out that I conclude my essays very badly. But I don't know how I can improve this skill. What is your advice? For example, with this essay, how can I conclude it effectively?[/blue]

 

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

Kindness in words creates confidence.

Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.

Kindness in giving creates love.

_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/

[Vaya]

I find out that I conclude my essays very badly. But I don't know how I can improve this skill. What is your advice? For example, with this essay, how can I conclude it effectively

 

Hey! Not all endings are bad. Look at your essay about most important animal. I like that ending so much!

In this case just write another sentence. I would recommend to go bact to topic and say something about two weeks. Ex: There are so many interesting places to see in Japan that I doubt if two weeks would be enough to see them all.

 

The post above contains only my own opinion which has nothing to do with official TOEFL

[meenuyadav]

Hi Erin,

Thanks for pointing out my mistakes, you are such a nice person.

Yes you are right I am from India. I am having question "For this particular topic, Is there any harm in pretending not to be Indian when you are really a Indian?"

Meenu

 

 

[loveit_yang2003]

You'r so funny,I don't think cheating is good for you,better not do that. Cause if the reviewer knows where you'r from, your essay will get a 0 probably.

 

 

[meenuyadav]

You'r so funny,I don't think cheating is good for you,better not do that. Cause if the reviewer knows where you'r from, your essay will get a 0 probably.

 

 

 

Is it so? Does the reviewer know where you are from?

Meenu

 

 

[diep]

#156: You have the opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks. Which country would you like to visit? Use specific details to explain your choice.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

If I had a chance to visit a foreign country for a couple of weeks, Korea would be my first choice. My brother is now working there. From his telling, I have been appealed by the beauty scenes, the tradition and the people of this “Taekwondo” country.

 

First, I would be truly happy to meet my brother from whom I separated for a long while. In his letters, he told me a lot about his home with many kind and generous Korean persons. It is taken for granted that it would be the first place I stop by if I came to Korea.

 

Moreover, I am very excited by the imagination of being together with my brother, going along the roads of Seoul, and enjoying star-shape snow falling in my hairs. He also promised to let me taste renowned foods such as kimchi, naengmyon, which is characteristic of Korean tradition.

 

Last but not least, it should be wonderful for me to take several days staying at Jeju island, the Hawaii of Korea. In a range of popular Korean movies I have ever seen, I was so impressed with the romantic scene of beauty there that I always wish to have an opportunity to set foot on that island.

 

For all the above, I would be very pleased with my big gift of a two-week journey to Korea. There is no doubt that going to a country will bring us wide knowledge about the culture, the tradition and the people of that country.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Hi all, pls give me your opinion. I've never been to Korea and I really want to go there;). What score will I probably get?

 

FY

 

 

[wall]

Hey Dep!

Great idea! Maybe you will get 5.5 score :cool:!

The more you practice, the higher score you get!

Lucky upcoming exams!

Tuong

[malathi]

Hi Erin ,

I would be very glad to hear some comments from you about his essay:)

 

Topic 156

You have the opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks. Which country would you like to visit? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.

 

 

If I had the chance to visit a foreign country, I would love to visit Australia! I have heard so much about Australia from some of my friends that I would jump at an opportunity to visit this wonderful island country. The weather in Australia is considered to be one of the best in the world.

 

The first thing I would like to see in Australia would be the Sydney harbor, I would visit the Opera house which looks beautiful in pictures. I would stroll along the harbor and visit the open air cafes along the Opera house and eat some delicious food with the fresh sea-breeze against my face. I would also visit the beaches and take in the sunshine. I would also enjoy visiting the Great Barrier reef which is the largest formation of corral reefs, which can actually be seen from space. I would like to experience scuba-diving and look at all the wonderful sea creatures and the underwater marine landscape.

 

The people in Australia are said to be very easygoing and friendly so I think any tourist would enjoy visiting there. Being an Island country, Australia has some unique species of animals, birds and insects not found anywhere else on the earth. It would be an enriching experience to have a chance to see these unique creatures. The kangaroo is one animal about which I have read, and seen pictures of, but in Australia I would get to actually see this animal which carries its young in a pouch.

 

In conclusion, I think Australia is one place which would provide a great deal to experience and enjoy, therefore I would gladly choose to visit Australia if I were given a chance to visit a foreign country.

 

Thanks

Malathi

 

[malathi]

I mean this essay

[rajsari]

Please evaluate my version of essay.

Any kinds of comments are welcome ! :)

 

Topic 156

You have the opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks. Which country would you like to visit? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.

 

If I have the opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks. I would choose Italy. Italy is famous for its museums, architectures, paintings, and gardens. It is also famous for its delicious Italian pasta, pizza and wine.

 

Firstly, I don't know much about Italy or know about many places in Italy. I heard about Venice and Rome, which are beautiful cities in Italy. Venice is called " the romantic city in the world ". Whole city of Venice has been built on water and as grand canals, where they use boats instead of cars. People travel in boats to go to office, shopping and so on. Many of them own boats like cars in the city. Which makes me wonder how beautiful is the city and I am also curious to know, how they built a city on water.

 

The oldest city in present day Italy is Rome. It is well know for rich ancient architecture and history. In school they used to teach us about the Roman Empire, Latin civilization, about the king Julius Caesar and about the Emperor Napoleon. Since, I have watched movies about the gladiators. I want to visit the place where the gladiators used fight with wild beasts.

 

Last but not least, Italy is well known for its gemstones like sapphire, coral and many other stones. So, I would like to shop and see those stones and also investigate why do they say that stones from Italy are higher in quality.

 

In conclusion, by visiting Italy I will learn about their culture and also about their history.

 

[r_krishna_prasad]

Hi well i am just giving a try...erin , rajsari or anyone else please do let me know what are the mistakes...thank u

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If i were given a chance to visit a foreign of my choice , than i would visit Singapore.

 

Singapore is a country which has a rich cultural heritage,one of the best maintained zoos in southeast asia, people who are friendly and warm, It also has a lot of historical sites, which remainds us of the British Legacy, Apart from all this, Singapore is also one of the safest countries in the world and is well connected.

 

One of the first things which catches the visitors attention is that the city is very clean.The city has well developed facilities like good resturants and fast and cheap modes of transportation.

 

The culture of singapore is a fusion of many different cultures, we have indian , chinese, malayas living in harmony.

 

One of the most prominant landmark of singapore is the lion like fountain, One of the main reasons why i like to visit singapore is that the name singapore is a combination of two words Singa mans Lion in my native language which is tamil, and pore means city and tamil is widely spoken and is one of the national languages of Singapore.I also feel that singapore is part my culture. There are a lot of tamil fastivals that are celebrated in singapore like "pongal" and "thi poosam".

 

Apart from all this , Singapore also has one of the best aqua Zoos. These zoos really takes us on a journey to the marine Kingdom and are one of the best maintained zoos in the world.

 

Hence if i were given a chance, I will visit Singapore and i think it will be a very rich and fantastic experience.

 

 

[r_krishna_prasad]

Hi some one please reply to my essay....

I would be happy if the mistakes were pointed out...

thanking u...

krishna

 

[shaljan]

Comment on my version of the essay

 

You have the opportunity to visit a foreign country for two weeks. Which country would you like to visit? Use specific reasons and details to explain your choice.

 

 

The sparkling white sun-kissed islands; crystal clear lagoons studded with profusely coloured corals; azure warm seas with an undisturbed , exotic marine life; palm-fringed islands; the pervading serenity; all of it summarized by the famous Moroccan traveller, Ibn Battuta, on describing Maldives as “ one of the wonders of the world”. The Maldivian archipelago, a beautiful string of 1190 low-lying coral islands scattered across the equator in the vast expanse of the Indian Ocean, is the tropical paradise I would like to visit for two weeks.

 

The Sun, the sand and the sea. These are just the three simple realities beckoning me from far to these little islets, giving as a result, a glorious sense of happiness and proving to be a heavenly getaway from the world and its worries. The Maldives teaches the visitors the art of doing nothing, simply lazing around and enjoying some the most spectacular and colourful vistas offered by Nature. Over 80 resort islands, each of them surrounded by a halo of sugar-sand beaches and crystal clear seas, cloaked in lush palm groves provide exotic island hideaways.

 

The brilliantly colourful coral reefs, making the Maldivian seascapes amongst the most enchanting in the world, is a nature’s treasure house, an El Dora do for diving enthusiasts, providing opportunities to experience the unique and beautiful underwater scenery which is a realm of great variety of fish, corals and other marine denizens. Fishing is another major sport in the Maldives. With water constituting over 99% of the total area, it comes as no surprise that the country flaunts some of the best fishing grounds in the world. Moreover, cruising along the aquamarine waters from atoll to atoll is an unforgettable experience. Parasailing on multi-coloured parachutes over the warm waters of the Indian Ocean is an incredible experience. Water sausages and water scooters also make interesting rides. With tropical beauty abounding in the region, photography is another rewarding pastime.

 

In today’s delicate ecosystem where an even more fragile world of corals is systematically being damaged by dredging, bleaching and other man-made methods, the little, exotic islands of the Maldives have another story to tell. The harmonized culture, environment, and tourism in the Maldives are reaping in greater benefits, all making this enchanting island-nation a unique premium eco-destination and an example to follow.

 

[shaljan]

Originally posted by r_krishna_prasad

 

Hi some one please reply to my essay....

I would be happy if the mistakes were pointed out...

thanking u...

krishna

 

 

You need to improve your writing skills

[sighsigh]

My essay is below, please point it. Thanks a lot

 

As a travel lover, I would like to visit Australia if I have an oppotunity.

 

Australia is not only a country but also a continent. Because of the activities of earth skell, Australia has become a contineant cut far from others, which lead to evolutiion in a different way. Many animals found in Australia have been extincted in other continents. They have lived peacefully there for hundrends of thousands years. I am eager to see them face to face.

 

Another reason is the wonderful weather around year. Although it is very hot in summer, the other seasons in this lonely continent are enjoyable. The beatiful white sands beach, the perfect weather, the long coastline are the treasures of Australian and the dreamland for travellers, especially from Europe.

 

Thirdly, I can't wait to see several my friends and relatives living there who I have not seen for years. That must be an excited moment for all of us.

 

If I were offered this opportunity to be aboad for two weeks, I would head to this great country--Australia as soon as possible.

[crackit]

 

If get the opportunity to visit a forign country for two weeks than i would like to visit south africa. It has been my long desire to visit south africa. I provide follwing reasons for my choice.

 

First of all, i am fan of wild life. I like watching birds, animals and venture into unexplored jungles. south africa is full of jungles, various animal species and birds. For a true animal lover like me it is not any less than a heaven. Morever, we can find lions in south africa. Lion is favourite animal and that too south african lion is of specail type. Also, we get various kind of fruits that are delicious.

 

Second reason for my choice is my long cherished desire to visit the cape of town. It is the southermost town in south africa located at the tip of african continent. Also, i would lile to visit all the musiams dedicated to mahatma gandhi. The great indian leader started his non-cooperation movement against the british empire in south africa.

he is my ideal hero and the opportunity will be god-given.

 

Thus, i would like to utilize the oppotunity to spend some time in dense forests where i can find some peace far away from the hubbub of city life. Also i wil get opportunity to meet new people, see new culture.

[karimo]

In my rather unimaginative childhood fantasies I pictured myself traveling throughout the world and visiting countries that I cannot even locate on a map. But one country has always captivated me more than any. It is a country so deeply rooted in romance and myth yet so full of energy and life, it is a country similar to mine in so many ways but also different in its own charming manner. That country is Greece.

 

Greece is almost synonymous with romance, myth, and history. The whole country is dotted with ruins of an ancient culture whose impact on the modern world is unquestionable. It is true that one can see the artifacts of ancient Greece in countless museums outside the country but to see them in their natural setting is sure to be a different experience. One particular site that can single handedly keep me occupied for a week is the acropolis. This temple complex is probably the prototype of most western building styles, and the visual trickery played by its leaning pillars is a miracle of ancient engineering. And this is only one site in one city. The country is brimming with ancient ruins, churches, mosques, and fortresses that tell a unique and long story.

 

Rather than being trapped in historical tourism, Greece is also famous for its idyllic getaways and carefree destinations. The Greek islands are a famous and almost stereotypical aspect of luxury, but I am more interested in a set of less glamorous beaches. I would love to visit the public beaches in Athens and Thessaloniki where I can meet the locals and hear them chatter in their melodic tongue while I eat fish bought from a food stall. Greek people are famous for being friendly, warm, and (to be honest) loud; since I come from a Mediterranean country myself I think I will fit in with them rather nicely and make many friends. Greek cuisine is also another nice, non-ancient experience I would not like to miss, eating baklava made by someone whose job is to make baklava is likely to be a good experience. The weather in Greece is another factor that attracts me. It's so dependable, they get a reasonably long dry warm season in summer so I can enjoy the country without the burden of maneuvering an umbrella for most of the vacation.

 

Throughout my life I've had fixations on a number of countries. In most cases the fixation just subsided. In two cases I visited the countries and was greatly disappointed to see I had drawn too romantic an image. Greece is the only fascination that has lived with me from childhood. It doesn't seem to wash away and I hope that when I have a chance to visit it, Greece would turn out to be just as I expect it.

 

________________________________________

 

So everyone please rate this, I haven't written anything but mathematical formulae since hi school so TWE and GRE analytical are really getting on my nerves. If you have comments fine, but please give me a score range as well.