Your organization is ok but needs to improve on grammar. Read some good essays and practice more...
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology has made the world a better place to live.
Technology has greatly improved as time is passing; Scientists are continually working in order to develop useful products, in which facilitate our lives. Even though some people say that technology has lessen our lives’ quality, I think that it has made the world a better place to live. Technology provides to us a better knowledge, faster ways of locomotion and communication.
The computer is one important feature from technology, which is very used by people in order to increase their knowledge. Books are no longer the main way to improve the understanding of a specific matter. Universities are acquiring more and more computers to facilitate the student's life, and to provide faster information. Students are using a lot more the Internet, which gives to them the right information without the need of going to a library. For example, a person needs to do a research about a matter, and then instead of going to the library, this person could gather good and diverses information using the Internet. Consequently, he\she would finish his\her research faster than doing it in the library by hand. Thus, technology, which created the computer, has definitely helped the universities and the students to get a better knowledge.
Nowadays, ways of locomotion such as car, motorcycle, train, and airplane, has facilitated our lives. Centuries ago, the main way to travel a long distance was the ship, or the horse. Today, the airplane is the most useful way to make fast travels, which gives to us more time. For example, comparing with the ship which usually crosses the Atlantic Ocean in one or two weeks, the airplane can easily cross it in about 10 hours, and is still the safest way to travel in the world. The car and train also have become a very good way to travel, which can bring us closer to our family and to our work. Because of this, these comfortable automobiles and airplanes have been essential to people’s lives.
When we talk about communication, the television, the telephone, and the Internet come into our mind. Their uses are essential to the society, and it has become much easier to communicate by telephone than by mail. Centuries ago, the mail was the main way to communication between people, and it was really slow because it mostly had to be shipped. Therefore, the use of the mail is no longer being used, and the telephone and Internet have taken place of the mail. People can pay bills by the Internet in a safe way, and phone familiars instantly. In other words, these ways of communications are a lot faster than it was centuries ago, and it has made our world a better place to live.
To conclude, that is why I strongly agree that technology has made the world a better place to live. The computer, the automobile, the telephone, etc... have surely been essential to us and I think that the world has so many things yet to be developed in order to help the society and make it good place to live.
can someone rate this essay and give some hints please ?
Last edited by AdrienZeuch; 10-17-2007 at 10:07 PM.
I say your essay is good. You have an intro, great arguments, a conclusion. You have had some slips here and there but your very well developed vocabulary makes up for it. (at least in my view) I envy you for it.
Anyway don’t stop practicing, because what I have said. I won’t be among the raters for the test.
Thanks a lot stardust
I'm going to take the TOEFL exam on dezember 14 and I'm trying to do one essay per day in order to get better results. However, I've never taken a grammar course and I regret for this. That's why I my texts have some errors, but I'm definitely trying to get a better grammar. The university that i'm applying for requires 20 point minimun in each part of the toefl, and even though it seems easy, I'll keep practicing. thanks
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