#81 Technology improves life. Agree or disagree?

[phamminh91]

#81#81: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology has made the world a better place to live. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Nowadays, the world is more and more comfortable to live in. Thanks to the development of technology we can enjoy our lives better. Technology is beneficial because it makes people’s lives more convenient and improves human’s abilities.
Technology provides people with a lot of conveniences. Machinery is now replacing many of human's labor works. Those machines can work automatically with directions from a small group of people. Moreover, entertainment has never been as diversified and popular. We work hard, we require rich spiritual lives. Technology brings us much advancement such as the television, the Internet, amusement parks… They can fully satisfy our needs and are indispensable parts of our lives.
Technology achievements can improve people’s abilities and knowledge. At the present, everybody can reach a huge amount of information through all kinds of media. If a person want to find details for his assignments, all he has to do is putting some words in a search engine. As we have less manual works, we will spend more time and efforts on creative works. We can train ourselves in other fields which require greater deal of intelligence. Thus, we can perfect our skills and produce useful instruments to better our lives.
Some people belie that technology makes people lazy. We can not agree with them because technology can not replace people at all. Human is the inventor of all machines, and his purpose is just to reduce the burdens of labor works he has to carry. Technology can not take over the roles of creativity, knowledge and experience. It only reassures us with productivity and precisions in details. It is human that invent new technology and complete abstruse work and decide how the technology will work to achieve effectiveness.
The development of human beings is inseparable with the development of technology. Technology ameliorates our lives and competences and limits our weak points. It is hard to imagine how we can survive in a world where there is no technology.
If you were an ETS member, what point do you think my essay would get.? Thank you for spending time reading this post.

[zack_ibt]

Not bad, personally, I would give it a 3 out of 4. You display a good faculty of english. You use sophisticated words you've provided good details to support your answer. However, there are a couple of mistakes in your work. You tend to be redundant in your ideas, such as mentioning the value of convenience twice and consecutively.

"Technology is beneficial because it makes people’s lives more convenient and improves human’s abilities. Technology provides people with a lot of conveniences"

Some words were misspelled or misused. Diversified should have been Diverse, belie should be belief. But those are minor mistakes, I think you did a pretty good job!

[Babak]

Red color changes are mine;

#81#81: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Technology has made the world a better place to live. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Nowadays, the world is more and more comfortable to live in. We must be thankful of "Technology Development" that happened mostly during the past few centuries. It helped us to enjoy our lives much better than before.(Thanks to the development of technology we can enjoy our lives better.)
(Technology is beneficial because it makes people’s lives more convenient and improves human’s abilities.)
Technology provide(s) people lots of conveniences. (with a lot of conveniences). Machinery is now replacing so fast human labor forces. (many of human's labor works.) And those machines are operating automaticllay under supervision of a few persons.(can work automatically with directions from a small group of people.)(Moreover, entertainment has never been as diversified and popular. We work hard, we require rich spiritual lives.)?!!

Moreover, this advanced technology brough us so many things such as (the) television, (the) Internet, amusement parks,… which fully satisfied our needs in a way that no one of us could live without them, these days. (Technology brings us much advancement such as the television, the Internet, amusement parks… They can fully satisfy our needs and are indispensable parts of our lives.)

Technology achievements can empower (improve) people (’s abilities and knowledge) who acquired them. At the present, everybody can gain (reach a) huge amount of information through all kinds of media. Interestingly, a person can find details about almost everything by typing a word in a 'search engine'. (If a person want to find details for his assignments, all he has to do is putting some words in a search engine.)

As we have less manual work(s) to do, we (will) spend more time and efforts on our creativites. (creative works.) We can improve (train) ourselves in the other fields which we require (greater deal of) intelligence. Thus, we can become more perfect in our skills and produce useful instruments to make our lives better (better our lives).
Some people believe that technology make(s) them (people) lazy. We can disagree (not agree) with them because technology cannot replace people at all.
Human is the inventor of (all) machines, and his purpose is just (to) reducing the pressure on labors which they carry (the burdens of labor works he has to carry).
Technology can not take over the role(s) of creativity, knowledge and experience. It only provides (reassures) us (with) productivity and accuracy (precisions in details).

It is human that invent new technologies and complete abstruse work(?) and decide how the technology (will) work to achieve effectiveness.
The development of human beings is inseparable with the development of technology. Technology ameliorates our lives and competencies and limits our weak points. It is hard to imagine how we can survive in a world without (where there is no) technology.



If you were an ETS member, what point do you think my essay would get.? Thank you for spending time reading this post.

[phamminh91]

1.I agree with zack_ibt that I must refrain from those spelling mistakes in order to get a higher grade. My typing also need to be improved. Thank you very much, zack!

2.About Babak, I see that how you want to re-organize my essay. You ideas are really helpful But I want to make it clearer:
*My first point in the body of the essay is ' Technology provides conveniences'. I think that its conveniences appear in both working and entertaining => Do I really have to split this idea(conveniences) into two paragraphs? Thank you very much

[Babak]

I have a comment, not about you, for everybody!!!

Try not to write fast, correctness is somehow more important.

Write as much as you could; with correct grammar, dictation,
pucntuation,... . Your typing abbility will be improving, itself.

1.I agree with zack_ibt that I must refrain from those spelling mistakes in order to get a higher grade. My typing also need to be improved. Thank you very much, zack!

2.About Babak, I see that how you want to re-organize my essay. You ideas are really helpful But I want to make it clearer:
*My first point in the body of the essay is ' Technology provides conveniences'. I think that its conveniences appear in both working and entertaining => Do I really have to split this idea(conveniences) into two paragraphs? Thank you very much

[phamminh91]

Good suggestions!