#043: Why do you think some people are attracted

[nguyenhbach]

Topic 43: Why do you think some people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

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Random House Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary, 1999, says “dangerous is situation and behavior that are much more severe or unusual than you would expect.” This sense can be clearly found in human activities, such as sports. “Why are we interested in this kind of sport?” The simple answer is that it encloses adventure and risk, and moreover, brings to takers the feeling of being conquerors.

 

Let me introduce you an extreme sport – rafting – and explain how much fun it gave me. Rafting is the sport of traveling on river and stream by raft or canoe. Along the way you can encounter several rapids and backwashes. The beginning appears to be a real comfort. But, when the raft falls down the rapid, the only thing you shoul do is to keep your eyes wide open and strain your ears to the river guide. Furthermore, you must mind and strongly attempt to be awakened all yourself set along time. However, along the rough way you have chances to relax and take a look at the beauty of wild nature surrounding. The best reward for this sport is the very emotion of exciting experience that you keep it in mind.

 

A dangerous sport, such as bungee jumping or climbing, is most likely to become an arena for an intensely personal competition of honor in which a young man makes a name for himself and earns the prestige which help signify him as a conqueror. The main goal in any of such sports - and the way to gain esteem - is to "count coup" to reckon one's bravery. Sports with the specter of the Death hanging over each minute are usually advertised widely by mass media, so, obviously, a big number of people craving to join. Participating a sport, like ping-pong or chess, is no coup because it was a piece of cake - even a coward could digest it.

 

Last but not least, choosing a right explanation to the question above is a complicated work. It depends not only on your personality but also on your living environment. However, with the voice of my own experience, adventure, risk, and the feeling to be a conqueror really make dangerous sports the most wanted choice of some people.

 

Nguyen

http://www.geocities.com/nguyenhbach

 

 

 

[Erin]

Random House Webster’s Unabridged Dictionary, 1999, says “dangerous is situation and behavior that are much more severe or unusual than you would expect.” This sense can be clearly found in human activities, such as sports. “Why are we interested in this kind of sport?” The simple answer is that it encloses adventure and risk, and moreover, brings to takers the feeling of being conquerors.

 

Let me introduce you an extreme sport – rafting – and explain how much fun it gave me. Rafting is the sport of traveling on river and stream by raft or canoe. Along the way you can encounter several rapids and backwashes. The beginning appears to be a real comfort. But, when the raft falls down the rapid, the only thing you shoul do is to keep your eyes wide open and strain your ears to the river guide. Furthermore, you must mind and strongly attempt to be awakened all yourself set along time. However, along the rough way you have chances to relax and take a look at the beauty of wild nature surrounding. The best reward for this sport is the very emotion of exciting experience that you keep it in mind.

 

A dangerous sport, such as bungee jumping or climbing, is most likely to become an arena for an intensely personal competition of honor in which a young man makes a name for himself and earns the prestige which help signify him as a conqueror. The main goal in any of such sports - and the way to gain esteem - is to "count coup" to reckon one's bravery. Sports with the specter of the Death hanging over each minute are usually advertised widely by mass media, so, obviously, a big number of people craving to join. Participating a sport, like ping-pong or chess, is no coup because it was a piece of cake - even a coward could digest it.

 

Last but not least, choosing a right explanation to the question above is a complicated work. It depends not only on your personality but also on your living environment. However, with the voice of my own experience, adventure, risk, and the feeling to be a conqueror really make dangerous sports the most wanted choice of some people.

 

Nguyen

 

http://www.geocities.com/nguyenhbach

 

Score: 5.0

 

Hi, Nguyen! This is a very interesting essay and has a lot of great ideas. Your level of vocabulary and grammar (although some of the constructions are a bit awkward) is fairly high, but I found your essay a bit hard to follow. Remember that TOEFL prefers an essay that is well organized and easy to understand to one that uses complicated vocab and grammar, but is convoluted.

 

Here is an example of a sentence that I find difficult to understand:

 

Participating a sport, like ping-pong or chess, is no coup because it was a piece of cake - even a coward could digest it.

 

I think I know what you mean, but the language is very awkward and unnatural.

 

Here's a suggestion for how to rewrite this sentence to look good in TOEFL's eyes:

 

Sports such as ping-pong and chess are not physically dangerous and therefore generally do not give their participants the same recognition from others that more physically dangerous sports do.

 

I should also mention that people who play these games would most likely disagree that the sports are not thrilling. They might say that these games are exciting in the mind, if not in the body.

 

I have a couple of comments--first of all, you do know that you cannot bring a dictionary in to the test center, right? So I think an "authentic" TOEFL essay would not have a dictionary definition, unless of course you'd memorized the topic before your test.

 

Second, I want to read why it is that such sports as bungee jumping or rock climbing make people feel like conquerors. I agree with you that these sports are challenging, but I think that one would have the feeling of conquering something much because she overcame her fear.

 

Finally, I would like to mention my opinion--I believe that people are attracted to these sports simply because it is in their nature, i.e., in their DNA to seek danger. I believe that this attraction is similar to the attraction many people feel for action movies or violent video games. If I had to write this essay, that's the direction I would take.

 

Nice work! Keep writing, you've got a lot of potential!!

 

Erin

 

Has TestMagic helped you a lot?

 

Please help others as they have helped you.

 

[nguyenhbach]

Erin,

 

Your comments are really helpful for me. I have known I am not good at writing; and this essay I just try to free myself from the old-rigid style I've used.

I will try to write some new essay and hope continually receive your useful notes.

Thank you again.

 

Nguyen

http://www.geocities.com/nguyenhbach

 

 

 

[Erin]

Hey, please don't say you are not good at writing. Just say that you want to learn as much as you can! I try very hard to make it clear that we are practicing TOEFL essay writing, NOT "real" English writing.

 

Trust me, I love to write, I write poetry, short stories, and have started a book, and I do NOT really enjoy writing something that other people make me write.

 

Anyway, as a teacher, I can see from your writing that you are trying very hard to do your best. In your writing I see an attempt to use new and accurate vocabulary and grammar structures. This shows me that you have a great attitude about learning! So, as a teacher, I was very happy to read your essay. But, this is, after all, a TOEFL-prep web site, right? And we all know that we cannot also reach our goals on the first day, that patience is necessary...

 

Keep trying your best, and you will inspire us all Nguyen!!

 

Erin

 

Has TestMagic helped you a lot?

 

Please help others as they have helped you.

 

[nu_nam2001]

Topic 43: Why do you think some people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

Even though dangerous sports or activities can hurt people, they are still very popular among a great number of people. In my opinion, people are disposed to take risky activities and sports because those activities and sports can help people relax from their banal life’s style, are worth risking and give people better opportunity.

 

First, some people find dangerous sports help them relax. I found that one of the best ways to assuage my seriousness is to go to an amusement park and play such thrilling rides as roller coaster. I always forget anything for a while after getting excited and my stress can relieve after I scream aloud while riding those exciting rides. My friends also found that dangerous sports such as buggy jumping and car racing are powerful to make them less stressed. Therefore, one of the most important reasons of taking risky sports or activities is to relieve the seriousness.

 

Moreover, people found that some perilous activities are worth risking. For example, in order to be successful in the business, business men have to invest a great deal of their own money. Some people have to put all of their belongings into their businesses. Even though those people can become a poor if they fail to do their business, they also can become a millionaire if they succeed in their work. Therefore, some people like to take dangerous activities or sports since they realize that the results may be very profitable.

 

Finally, some people decide to take the risk simply because they want to achieve other better goals. For example, my friend used to get admitted from a medium university in USA. She, however, was waiting for the admission result from other better schools. However, that medium school wanted her to give her final decision by soon. Therefore, she had to refuse the offer from that medium university and at that time, she also did not know whether she would be able to get into other schools or not. It was risky to do that but she had to do because she had some better goals waiting for her. Sometimes, when there are some better ways waiting for us, people are willing to leave their certain chance and wait for something better.

 

In conclusion, many dangerous activities and sports can still exist because people found it is one of the best ways to help them relax. Moreover, some activities give riskers lucrative outcome. Finally, taking risk can probably lead to some better goals.

 

[samara]

 

Many people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities. Some of the reasons for this maybe that these people are the ones who find a certain thrill or excitement in doing such activities since it gives them a sense of achievement in doing something which most ordinary people can't do.

 

Such daredevils who constantly want to experience a lot of excitement in their life by putting all at stake are basically those want to stand apart from the rest. They are ready to do such dangerous things to prove that they are different from ordinary people. We see people involved in dangerous sports like Wrestling, Bungee jumping etc which are life threatening but then the participants would go to any lengths to prove their might.

 

Doing such stunts give the participants the basic sense of achievement that they have overcome their worst fears. It is a basic human tendency to feel extremely confident when one has overcome the greatest fear in his/her life, by coming so close to death yet being able to fool it and come back alive!Many people have tried unimaginable dangerous stunts to just get their names on record for setting a new world record or come in shows like Ripley's Believe it or not, or just to win exciting prizes!

 

Some people are simply motivated by the sense of fun and excitement that it adds to their otherwise dull and boring life. For example, sports like sky diving and bungee jumping have become a bit famous among those people who have to otherwise go through the daily routine of boring office work.

 

To conclude, dangerous sports and activities are basically the attraction of those thrill loving people who want to stand a class apart by proving their unique self to the world around them.

[vertical_horizon]

Originally posted by nu_nam2001

 

Topic 43: Why do you think some people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

 

Even though dangerous sports or activities can hurt people, they are still very popular among a great number of people. In my opinion, people are disposed to take risky activities and sports because those activities and sports can help people relax from their banal life’s style, are worth risking and give people better opportunity.

 

First, some people find dangerous sports help them relax. I found that one of the best ways to assuage my seriousness is to go to an amusement park and play such thrilling rides as roller coaster. I always forget anything for a while after getting excited and my stress can relieve after I scream aloud while riding those exciting rides. My friends also found that dangerous sports such as buggy jumping and car racing are powerful to make them less stressed. Therefore, one of the most important reasons of taking risky sports or activities is to relieve the seriousness.

 

Moreover, people found that some perilous activities are worth risking. For example, in order to be successful in the business, business men have to invest a great deal of their own money. Some people have to put all of their belongings into their businesses. Even though those people can become a poor if they fail to do their business, they also can become a millionaire if they succeed in their work. Therefore, some people like to take dangerous activities or sports since they realize that the results may be very profitable.

 

Finally, some people decide to take the risk simply because they want to achieve other better goals. For example, my friend used to get admitted from a medium university in USA. She, however, was waiting for the admission result from other better schools. However, that medium school wanted her to give her final decision by soon. Therefore, she had to refuse the offer from that medium university and at that time, she also did not know whether she would be able to get into other schools or not. It was risky to do that but she had to do because she had some better goals waiting for her. Sometimes, when there are some better ways waiting for us, people are willing to leave their certain chance and wait for something better.

 

In conclusion, many dangerous activities and sports can still exist because people found it is one of the best ways to help them relax. Moreover, some activities give riskers lucrative outcome. Finally, taking risk can probably lead to some better goals.

 

 

Understanding every word in the topic thoroughly is really important, for you'll be penalized terribly if misunderstanding just one important word, no matter splendidly your arguments are made up.

 

For this #043, many test-takers get bad score for misunderstanding the word 'activity'.

 

***Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary***

 

acivity (n)

 

1. (uncountable) A situation in which sth is happening or a lot of things are being done: economic activity, physical activity.

 

2. (countable, often plural) A thing that you do for interest or pleisure, or in order to achieve a particular aim: outdoor/class activities, illegal/criminal activities.

 

*****

 

In this topic 'activity' is in the plural form and must be understood with the 2nd meaning.

 

Examples for 'risky acitivities': walking on burning coal without shoes, playing with poisonous snakes, etc.

 

*****

 

Nu-nam, I really don't think your 2nd and 3rd examples are suitable. Just think more carefully and choose the safest way to go ;).

 

Best of the best,

 

LDP

[vertical_horizon]

Originally posted by samara

 

 

Many people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities. Some of the reasons for this maybe (?) that these people are the ones who find a certain thrill or excitement in doing such activities since it gives them a sense of achievement in doing something which most ordinary people can't do.

 

Such daredevils who constantly want to experience a lot of excitement in their life by putting all at stake are basically those want to stand apart from the rest. They are ready to do such dangerous things to prove that they are different from ordinary people. We see people involved in dangerous sports like Wrestling, Bungee jumping etc which are life threatening but then the participants would go to any lengths to prove their might.

 

Doing such stunts give the participants the basic sense of achievement that they have overcome their worst fears. It is a basic human tendency to feel extremely confident when one has overcome the greatest fear in his/her life, by coming so close to death yet being able to fool it and come back alive!Many people have tried unimaginable dangerous stunts to just get their names on record for setting a new world record or come in shows like Ripley's Believe it or not, or just to win exciting prizes!

 

Some people are simply motivated by the sense of fun and excitement that it adds to their otherwise dull and boring life. For example, sports like sky diving and bungee jumping have become a bit famous among those people who have to otherwise go through the daily routine of boring office work.

 

To conclude, dangerous sports and activities are basically the attraction of those thrill loving people who want to stand a class apart by proving their unique self to the world around them.

 

Yep! the ideas are much much clearer than the previous post :). however still I want the introduction to be more general and comprehensive.

 

The second para is not very coherent.

 

Doing such stunts give the participants the basic sense of achievement that they have overcome their worst fears. It is a basic human tendency to feel extremely confident when one has overcome the greatest fear in his/her life, by coming so close to death yet being able to fool it and come back alive!Many people have tried unimaginable dangerous stunts to just get their names on record for setting a new world record or come in shows like Ripley's Believe it or not, or just to win exciting prizes!

 

The example about world records seem not to match the topic sentence of the para.

 

Anyway I like a 5.0-5.5 for it :)!

 

***For Preference***

 

You can write about another reason: religious/spiritual belief. Many people believe such dangerous activities (as piercing their skin with long metal needles or walking on burning coal without wearing any shoes) may prove their faith for the lord or promise abundant crops.

 

HTH [:o)]!

 

LDP

[samara]

 

Hi there,

 

Thanks for giving me such a score. I guess I have improved from the previous essay:o. Well, I guess One point is very clear, that the introduction should be such that it impresses the reader at first glance. Moreover it should be simple but comprehensive, right?

 

Well, I will attempting many more essays, I hope you will help it sort out the best among them!!!;)

 

Regards,

Samara.

Originally posted by vertical_horizon

 

Originally posted by samara

 

 

Many people are attracted to dangerous sports or other dangerous activities. Some of the reasons for this maybe (?) that these people are the ones who find a certain thrill or excitement in doing such activities since it gives them a sense of achievement in doing something which most ordinary people can't do.

 

Such daredevils who constantly want to experience a lot of excitement in their life by putting all at stake are basically those want to stand apart from the rest. They are ready to do such dangerous things to prove that they are different from ordinary people. We see people involved in dangerous sports like Wrestling, Bungee jumping etc which are life threatening but then the participants would go to any lengths to prove their might.

 

Doing such stunts give the participants the basic sense of achievement that they have overcome their worst fears. It is a basic human tendency to feel extremely confident when one has overcome the greatest fear in his/her life, by coming so close to death yet being able to fool it and come back alive!Many people have tried unimaginable dangerous stunts to just get their names on record for setting a new world record or come in shows like Ripley's Believe it or not, or just to win exciting prizes!

 

Some people are simply motivated by the sense of fun and excitement that it adds to their otherwise dull and boring life. For example, sports like sky diving and bungee jumping have become a bit famous among those people who have to otherwise go through the daily routine of boring office work.

 

To conclude, dangerous sports and activities are basically the attraction of those thrill loving people who want to stand a class apart by proving their unique self to the world around them.

 

Yep! the ideas are much much clearer than the previous post :). however still I want the introduction to be more general and comprehensive.

 

The second para is not very coherent.

 

Doing such stunts give the participants the basic sense of achievement that they have overcome their worst fears. It is a basic human tendency to feel extremely confident when one has overcome the greatest fear in his/her life, by coming so close to death yet being able to fool it and come back alive!Many people have tried unimaginable dangerous stunts to just get their names on record for setting a new world record or come in shows like Ripley's Believe it or not, or just to win exciting prizes!

 

The example about world records seem not to match the topic sentence of the para.

 

Anyway I like a 5.0-5.5 for it :)!

 

***For Preference***

 

You can write about another reason: religious/spiritual belief. Many people believe such dangerous activities (as piercing their skin with long metal needles or walking on burning coal without wearing any shoes) may prove their faith for the lord or promise abundant crops.

 

HTH [:o)]!

 

LDP