Intro: I like the intro, you catch the readrs attention and then you provide a thesis. "British people" sounds unfamiliar better we gained independence from Great Britain; in sentence 2 of the intro you use my; later the intro you use the plural: India is our own ocuntry and Our country in the last sentence of the intro;
stick with plural thorugh the whole abstract.
2. paragraph: They ar eno more doing slavery oof anybody; It is not clear who is they; you could also introduce the 2ng paragraph with a transition phrase such as First or to begin with
3. paragraph: you could start the paragraph with a transistion phrase such as Second
4. paragraph: you could start the paragraph with a transition phrase such as Finally....;
Conclusion last sentence awkward construction ending the sentence with in short;
Overall, i did like the essay , becasue it is easy to read, the sentences are clear and not too long and it is structured well in introductory parapgraph with a thesis and three body paragraphs and a conclusion.
this is my humble opinion hope this helps