What historical event in your country has had a major effect on your country?

[PTS]

If anyone can review and comment on my essay......

What historical event in your country has had a major effect on your country? Give reasons and example to support your response.

Each country has its own history and origin. Similarly, my country has also a great history for its independence. I am from India and British people ruled over my country for around hundred years. Many freedom fighters had endangered their lives for the independence of motherland. Finally, we got independence from British people in 1947. This historical event has many positive influences on my country. India is our own country now. We are independent and can enjoy democracy. Our country is growing at fast pace after independence.

People in my country are independent now. They can do whatever they want to do. They can study in any faculty and can do any kind of business as well. They are free from bondages. They are no more doing slavery of anybody. Thus they can breath by their own in an independent country.

My country is a democratic now. People have right to speak, whatever they think is right. They have right to elect their prime minister as well as president. People’s spirit can change the country. They decide who can be the best person to handle the country is. Their voices make a lot of difference for themselves and for country, too.

My country is blooming economically nowadays. It is among the top countries to export many of its merchandises. This is due to the progress, my country made after getting the independence. It is assumed that it will be in the top five rich country lists by 2020. This would not have possible if still we were doing slavery of British people. People in my country are grown by their own in an open, democratic and independent country.

In a nutshell, I love my country very much because it is independent and fast growing. In a democratic country like this, I have right to represent my point of view to everybody. Thus, the event called “fight for the independence” of my country has made lots of differences. This historical event has changed the picture of on my country, in short.

[jpwindsurfer]

response
Intro: I like the intro, you catch the readrs attention and then you provide a thesis. "British people" sounds unfamiliar better we gained independence from Great Britain; in sentence 2 of the intro you use my; later the intro you use the plural: India is our own ocuntry and Our country in the last sentence of the intro;
stick with plural thorugh the whole abstract.
2. paragraph: They ar eno more doing slavery oof anybody; It is not clear who is they; you could also introduce the 2ng paragraph with a transition phrase such as First or to begin with
3. paragraph: you could start the paragraph with a transistion phrase such as Second
4. paragraph: you could start the paragraph with a transition phrase such as Finally....;
Conclusion last sentence awkward construction ending the sentence with in short;
Overall, i did like the essay , becasue it is easy to read, the sentences are clear and not too long and it is structured well in introductory parapgraph with a thesis and three body paragraphs and a conclusion.
this is my humble opinion hope this helps
4rd paragraph

[resu]

Hi PTS,

Did you get your rescoring result for writing or not yet?

[PTS]

Hi Resu, I got the rescoring result...but unfortunately there is no change in that, so I havev to give it again.

[PTS]

Thanks for your nice constructive comments.

response
Intro: I like the intro, you catch the readrs attention and then you provide a thesis. "British people" sounds unfamiliar better we gained independence from Great Britain; in sentence 2 of the intro you use my; later the intro you use the plural: India is our own ocuntry and Our country in the last sentence of the intro;
stick with plural thorugh the whole abstract.
2. paragraph: They ar eno more doing slavery oof anybody; It is not clear who is they; you could also introduce the 2ng paragraph with a transition phrase such as First or to begin with
3. paragraph: you could start the paragraph with a transistion phrase such as Second
4. paragraph: you could start the paragraph with a transition phrase such as Finally....;
Conclusion last sentence awkward construction ending the sentence with in short;
Overall, i did like the essay , becasue it is easy to read, the sentences are clear and not too long and it is structured well in introductory parapgraph with a thesis and three body paragraphs and a conclusion.
this is my humble opinion hope this helps
4rd paragraph

[resu]

Hi PTS,

I am so sorry. I can understand that pain, as last time I have been in the same situation. I got good score in everything except speaking(24). I applied for rescoring, and after 1 & 1/2 it was same.

I gave an exam on 16th May, and right now I am waiting for my result. Really, this waiting period is killing me. Anyway, lets hope for the best.

Also, wish you good luck for your next exam.