Could you please evaluate my essay. (Globalisation)

[Finsternis]

Could you please evaluate my essay. Thank you in advance.


Because of developments in communication and transportation,countries are becoming more and more alike. How is your country becoming more similar to other places in the world? Use specific examples and details to support your answer.

Nowadays development of communication and transport causes the process of globalization. People speak a lot about it nowadays. Its consequences are becoming more and more evident, but globalization didn’t start yesterday. It’s a process which was started centuries ago and keeps changing the world. Countries are becoming more and more similar. Cultures borrow traditions, holidays, and food from each other, integrate them into their own culture and at some point it is hard to see the difference.

One of the examples of the countries which changed dramatically is Russia. After Soviet times came to their end development of Russia is focused on West-European and American models. And it’s not hard to notice changes in everyday life of Russian people. Russian children eat cheeseburger in McDonalds; celebrate Halloween and Christmas watch Desperate Housewives and Supernatural, listen to Madonna and Coldplay.

New transportation technologies promote trade. Many Russian companies have now got an opportunity to work with foreign partners, which is good for economical development of the country and exchange of experience. In the country with a soviet past people learn a lot of foreign languages and get an opportunity to use them in their work. In my opinion it is remarkable that in the country with a soviet past people learn a lot of foreign languages and get an opportunity to use them in their work.

Technologies like Internet give people an access to information from all around the world. Today information and knowledge are one of the most important resources. Communication with the other countries became cheaper, which enables easier access to information and promotes exchange of knowledge and experiences.

Mentality of people has changed dramatically. But in big cities like Moscow or St. Petersburg are changes easier to see, that in smaller towns or even villages. I think that negative and positive aspects of globalization are easy to see in Russia because there is such a big difference soviet ideology and ideology of democracy nowadays.

Development of technology has changed our world and keeps changing it now. It gives new opportunities and experiences and it’s important to be able to handle with these new opportunities.

349 words.

[T-TOTO08]

Originally Posted by Finsternis

Could you please evaluate my essay. Thank you in advance.


Because of developments in communication and transportation,countries are becoming more and more alike. How is your country becoming more similar to other places in the world? Use specific examples and details to support your answer.

Nowadays development of communication and transportion causes the process of globalization. (People speak a lot about it nowadays./ this is called dangling modifier..readers is not sure if this sentence refers to development or process of globalization..maybe because the way you punctuate .) Its consequences are becoming more and more evident, but globalization didn’t start yesterday. It’s a process, which (was) started centuries ago, and keeps changing the world. Countries are becoming more and more similar.; Cultures borrow traditions, holidays, and food from each other, integrate them into their own culture. (and at some point it is hard to see the difference./this is unclear..)

One of the examples of the countries (which)that changed dramatically is/ was Russia. (After the Soviet times came to their end development of Russia is focused on West-European and American models. run on sentence.. punctuate it properly. or split your sentence) And it’s not hard to notice changes in everyday life of Russian people. Russian children eat cheeseburger in McDonalds; celebrate Halloween and Christmas, watch Desperate Housewives and Supernatural, listen to Madonna and Coldplay.

New transportation technologies promote trade. Many Russian companies have now got an opportunity to work with foreign partners, which is good for economical development of the country and exchange of experience. In the country with( a soviet past people / not clear ) learn a lot of foreign languages and get an opportunity to use them in their work. In my opinion it is remarkable that in the country with a (soviet past people/ I'm not sure what this mean) learn a lot of foreign languages and get an opportunity to use them in their work.

Technologies like Internet give people an access to information from all around the world. Today's information and knowledge are one of the most important resources....for what?. Communication with the other countries became) becomes cheaper, (which enables easier access to information)access information easier than in the past, and promote?(s )exchange of knowledge and experiences.

Mentality of people has changed dramatically. But in big cities like Moscow or St. Petersburg, changes are noticeable (are changes easier to see), (that) than in smaller towns or (even) villages. I think that negative and positive aspects of globalization are easy to see in Russia because there is such a big difference of soviet ideology and ideology of democracy nowadays.( you need to explain this part and give examples...)

Development of technology has changed our world and (keeps changing it )continue until now. It gives new opportunities and experiences(to where, what?) and it’s important to be able to handle with these new opportunities.

349 words.

comments: nice ideas but you need to elaborate it through explanations and examples... Improve your punctuation...watch out for dangling modifier, run on sentences..use transitions"signal words" to be more organize and coherent..hope it helps. goodluck

[T-TOTO08]

Originally Posted by Finsternis

Could you please evaluate my essay. Thank you in advance.


Because of developments in communication and transportation,countries are becoming more and more alike. How is your country becoming more similar to other places in the world? Use specific examples and details to support your answer.

Nowadays development of communication and transportion causes the process of globalization. (People speak a lot about it nowadays./ this is called dangling modifier..readers is not sure if this sentence refers to development or process of globalization..maybe because the way you punctuate .) Its consequences are becoming more and more evident, but globalization didn’t start yesterday. It’s a process, which (was) started centuries ago, and keeps changing the world. Countries are becoming more and more similar.; Cultures borrow traditions, holidays, and food from each other, integrate them into their own culture. (and at some point it is hard to see the difference./this is unclear..)

One of the examples of the countries (which)that changed dramatically is/ was Russia. (After the Soviet times came to their end development of Russia is focused on West-European and American models. run on sentence.. punctuate it properly. or split your sentence) And it’s not hard to notice changes in everyday life of Russian people. Russian children eat cheeseburger in McDonalds; celebrate Halloween and Christmas, watch Desperate Housewives and Supernatural, listen to Madonna and Coldplay.

New transportation technologies promote trade. Many Russian companies have now got an opportunity to work with foreign partners, which is good for economical development of the country and exchange of experience. In the country with( a soviet past people / not clear ) learn a lot of foreign languages and get an opportunity to use them in their work. In my opinion it is remarkable that in the country with a (soviet past people/ I'm not sure what this mean) learn a lot of foreign languages and get an opportunity to use them in their work.

Technologies like Internet give people an access to information from all around the world. Today's information and knowledge are one of the most important resources....for what?. Communication with the other countries became) becomes cheaper, (which enables easier access to information)access information easier than in the past, and promote?(s )exchange of knowledge and experiences.

Mentality of people has changed dramatically. But in big cities like Moscow or St. Petersburg, changes are noticeable (are changes easier to see), (that) than in smaller towns or (even) villages. I think that negative and positive aspects of globalization are easy to see in Russia because there is such a big difference of soviet ideology and ideology of democracy nowadays.( you need to explain this part and give examples...)

Development of technology has changed our world and (keeps changing it )continues until now. It gives new opportunities and experiences(to where, what?) and it’s important to be able to handle with these new opportunities.

349 words.

comments: nice ideas but you need to elaborate it through explanations and examples... Improve your punctuation...watch out for dangling modifier, run on sentences..use transitions"signal words" to be more organize and coherent..hope it helps. goodluck

[Finsternis]

Thank you very much. I'll rewrite this essay once more.

[Finsternis]

Nowadays development of communication and transportation causes the process of globalization. Globalization has become one of the most frequently discussed topics. Its consequences are becoming more and more evident,....

Countries are becoming more and more similar, people borrow traditions, holidays, and food from each other, integrate them into their own cultures.

i'je thought that cultures integrating traditions in cultures is too wakward.

The Soviet times came to their end and development of Russia is now focused on West-European and American models.

In my opinion it is remarkable that people who lived behind the Iron Curtain now learn a lot of foreign languages and get an opportunity to use them in their work.


Today's (I didn't actually mean new information, i meant information at all) information and knowledge are one of the most important resources you need for becomming succesfull. (?)

I think that negative and positive aspects of globalization are easy to see in Russia because there is such a big difference of soviet ideology and ideology of democracy nowadays. People have become freedom they have never had and a lot of them have no clue how to handle it. They were always told what is right and what is wrong and because of it many people are not able to analyze information they get and make right conclusions by themselves.

It gives new opportunities and experiences and it’s important to be able to handle with it.

[manuela.melo]

people had become free
or people had experienced a freedom they've never had (or some other verb you think that works here)

I think that passage would be better like this:
there's such a big difference between soviet ideology and the the democratic ideology nowadays