live performance

[kaleza]

dear TOEFLs, i hope that you evaluate this essay for me.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Some people like to watch the football match on the screen of the television. However, the emotions exist between the fans of the teams are very interesting thing. Personally, I like to attend a football match in the stadium neither watching it on the television screen for the following reasons:

Firstly, watching the computation of the television does not give me any thing new. I always set on my sofa watching the different channels. But, if I have the opportunity to attend the match alive, I will not think for a second. It gives me the opportunity a great chance to break the ice surrounded my daily life. The person feels that his blood circulation has been activated as if he is the one who plays in the playground.

Secondly, watching the match alone or between your family members is an interested event. It gives me the chance to express my feelings the way I want. However, to exist in the stadium while your team scores a goal is something different. You may jump from your site and shack hands with your neighbor in the site without even knowing him. It gives me the chance to express my feelings in a great way.

Finally, watching the match on the TV screen has the advantage of replaying the goal over and over again. However, sitting in the fresh air concentrating with the ball and waiting for a goal is something different. So, because of the previously mentioned reasons, I absolutely agree with the statement says that attending a live performance is the most enjoyable event than watching it on the television screen.

Please to hear any comments that help to improve my writting.

[T-TOTO08]

Originally Posted by kaleza

dear TOEFLs, i hope that you evaluate this essay for me.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Some people like to watch the football match on (the screen of /you don't have to write this coz it is already understood that we always ee it through the screen of the t.v )the television. ( However,) the emotions exist between the fans of the teams are very interesting thing...try this.. and the best way to see it is through a television. Personally, I like to attend a football match in the stadium (neither/ neither .... nor.. either.. or)than watching it on the television screen for the following reasons:

Firstly, watching the( computation?) competition of the television does not give me any thing new. I always (set/ is to put.. you don't want to put yourself on the sofa because you are a person not a thing..so )sit on my sofa watching the different channels. But, if I would have( if.. is a conditional form that need to be paired with will or would) the opportunity to attend the match( a)in live settings, I will not think for a second. It would give(s) me the opportunity (a great chance/ this is same meaning as opportunity hence redundant) to break the ice surrounded my daily life....it is ok to use euphemism here but it better to make it clear..ice in your life=problems or stress. The person that watches the game personally in the stadium feels that the impact that players received during the tackle ( his blood circulation has been activated) as if he is (the one who plays) in the playground.

Secondly, watching the match alone or between( your/ my... paired with me.. in the second sentence) family members is an interested event. It gives me the chance to express my feelings the way I want. However, (to exist) being in the stadium personally while your team scores a goal is something different than watching it from your home through a television. You) may jump from your site and shack hands) you might raised and jumped from your seat and shaked with other people close to you and expressed your joy even if they are complete strangers to you(your neighbor in the site without even knowing him.) It would give(s0 me the chance to express my feelings in a great way.

Finally, watching the match on the TV screen has the advantage (of replaying the goal over and over again)critical plays is always replayed a couple of times to assess the appropriate decision of the referee or umpire. However, sitting in the fresh air concentrating with the ball and waiting for a goal is something different...why different? try this .. different because you can really tell how the ball was passed quickly or ball had travelled in the air when it was thrown by quarterback

. So, because of the previously mentioned reasons, I absolutely agree with the statement says that attending a live performance is the most enjoyable event than watching it on the television screen.

Please to hear any comments that help to improve my writting.

nice idea....but needs to state it clearly... try to use an appropriate diction... proper words for the sentence..watch out with your tenses, posessive pronouns... such as my, me ours theirs.. hope it helps