please evaluate

[kaleza]

dear TOEFLs,
I hope that my essay be evluated.

compare and contrast your way of life with that of your parents. which way of life do you think would be more staisfying to future generations?

Looking to the way of life of my parents and the way of mine, I see that we should follow the way of our parents in life to get the best performance. The reasons for that is as follows:

The way of eating todays depends mainly on the take away foods. This way does not give us the benefits of the fresh food which our parents used to eat. The fresh food has alot of proteins and vitamins that our bodies need. This shows that our parents has the right to advice us to leave this fashion way of eating and follow the ordinary way.


If I have my baby ill, I will take him/her to the physican to examin him/her and describe a medicine for him/her. Always the chemicals in that medicine have a side effects. This way leads us to have solve one problem and get another one. In contrast, our parents usually uses the natural chemicals exist in the plants and grosses. Nowadays, the world try to go back to nature and use the natural products exist in the earth. This can be a good evidence on how our parents was a great physicans and we should follow their way in curing.


In a word, I can not say that our life does not get better with technologies like the different means of transportation. But, the way of life our parents has is the natural way. In my opinion, to be natural in every thing is a good way of life. So, I recommended that we must mix between the natural ways that our parents use and the new technology the we invent. Taking the best advantages of every method should be the way for the future generations.

[T-TOTO08]

Originally Posted by kaleza

dear TOEFLs,
I hope that my essay be evluated.

compare and contrast your way of life with that of your parents. which way of life do you think would be more staisfying to future generations?

Looking to the way of life of my parents and my way of life(the way of mine), I see that we should follow the way of our parents in life to get the best performance. The reasons for that (is)are as follows:

The way of eating todays depends mainly on the (take away)intake of foods. This way does not give us the benefits of the fresh food which our parents used to eat. The fresh food has alot of proteins and vitamins that our bodies need. This shows that our parents (has)have the right to advice us to leave this (fashion way)habit of eating and follow the ordinary way.

If I have my baby ill, I will take him/her to the physican to (examin)examine him/her (and describe a medicine for him/her./try to make this sentence clear) Always the chemicals in that medicine have a side effects. This way leads us to have solve one problem and get another one(pls. restate this sentence). In contrast, our parents usually uses the (natural chemicals/ pls. look for another word for this.. sounds so awkward) exist in the plants and grosses. Nowadays, the world (try)tries to go back to (nature)the natural way and use the natural products that exist in the earth. (This can be a good evidence on how our parents was a great physicans and we should follow their way in curing./ pls. restate this... great physicians.. maybe you are trying to say a quack doctor because a physicians spent a lot of years to get their degree...)

In a word,( I can not say that our life does not get better with technologies like the different means of transportation./this is a digressing sentence.. try to stick to the topic) But, the way of life our parents( has is) the natural way. In my opinion, to be natural in every thing is a good way of life. So, I recommended that we must mix between the natural ways that our parents use and the new technology the we invent. Taking the best advantages of every method should be the way for the future generations.

Hi, kaleza, thank you for trying. I tried my best to get what you are trying to imply, but it's hard.. the thought is not connected.. so please re-write it ...