please evaluate my essay

[ymunag01]

Personal looks and dressing style are more important for successes than good ideas.
Although good ideas are important for successes I strongly believe that, communication skills such as dressing style and personal looks are also plays and important role. Communicational skills are most important in this corporate world to get success and most of the companies expect their employees to have some dress sence. In the following paragraphs I would like to justify the above statements with some examples.
To begin with individual dressing style plays an important role in th success of the person. For instance, consider two individual attended an interview and both have some qualifications and have grate ideas. One individual wear suit and other wear casual dress such as jeans. Even though both got equal marks in interview, the former one has more chances of getting a job compared to letter one. This is because of the importance of communication skills in the corporate world.
In addition personal looks such as confident in face, having pleasing mentality are also important for getting successes. For example, if two individual attended for a job interview, one individual is shy in his mentality compared to other and shy person is actually more intelligent than other individual. If interviewer looks for confidence in answering the questions , then the one with out shy has more chances of getting a job. So person’s confidence also plays an important role in getting a successes.
Thus I would like to conclude my essay by affirming that, in addition to grate ideas there are many other things such as individual dressing style, appearance place an important role in getting success in this modern world. Every coin has head and tail , similarly every topic has it’s own pros and cons, It is every individual responsibility to make wiser decisions.
thanks

[T-TOTO08]

Originally Posted by ymunag01

Personal looks and dressing style are more important for successes than good ideas.
Although good ideas are important for successes I strongly believe that, communication skills such as dressing style and personal looks are also plays and important role. Communicational skills are most important in this corporate world to get success and most of the companies expect their employees to have some dress sence. In the following paragraphs I would like to justify the above statements with some examples.
To begin with individual dressing style plays an important role in th success of the person. For instance, consider two individual attended an interview and both have some qualifications and have grate ideas. One individual wear suit and other wear casual dress such as jeans. Even though both got equal marks in interview, the former one has more chances of getting a job compared to letter one. This is because of the importance of communication skills in the corporate world.
In addition personal looks such as confident in face, having pleasing mentality are also important for getting successes. For example, if two individual attended for a job interview, one individual is shy in his mentality compared to other and shy person is actually more intelligent than other individual. If interviewer looks for confidence in answering the questions , then the one with out shy has more chances of getting a job. So person’s confidence also plays an important role in getting a successes.
Thus I would like to conclude my essay by affirming that, in addition to grate ideas there are many other things such as individual dressing style, appearance place an important role in getting success in this modern world. Every coin has head and tail , similarly every topic has it’s own pros and cons, It is every individual responsibility to make wiser decisions.
thanks

HI Ymunag, thanks for trying this recent essay question. However, I noticed that you seem misunderstood the question/prompt. To restate the question. Which idea do you prefer? to have a personal looks or dressing style OR to have good Ideas (mental skills) to become successful...or in simple words.... which one do you prefer? beauty or brain to become successful...your thesis doesn't coincide with the question or prompt. That why it is very important to spend a minute or two to analyze what the question is or else your answer would be zero even if you have a perfect grammar in your essay. this is your thesis " I strongly believe that communication skills such as dressing style and personal looks are also plays an important role".... maybe what you want to imply is...I strongly believe that having good idea such as in communication skills is more important for person's success than personal look or dressing fashionably.. So, understand first the prompt cause this is very important... The raters would not read your whole essay, even looking at your proper command in english or proper use grammar , because your thesis is already wrong.. so, pls. re-write it.. hope it helps

[ymunag01]

Thanks t-tot008, I will try my best next time