please evaluate my essay

[ymunag01]

Compare and contrast your way of life with that of your parents. which way of life do you think would be more satisfying to future generations?
I strongly believe that, changes in technology such as cell phone and computers had made my life much easier compared to my parents generation. When my parents are young, they did not have computers and cell phone. They need to depend on postal service to send a message to their friends and relatives and they need to depend on news papers, television and radio for news, but now with the use of cell phone I can contact any one in fraction of seconds and I can get latest news and any type of information through internet and computers. I would like to justify my views in the following paragraphs.
To begin with, when my parents are growing up they did not have cell phones, recent changes in communication technology. With cell phones individual can talk to any one from any where in the world and can send message in fraction of seconds. I can talk to my colleagues and my friends and it is most useful to business people, as they can place orders by cell phone. So I believe it would be more useful to future generations.
In addition, my parents did not have computers when they are young, but I did. Computers and internet are the latest advances of the information technology that made my life much easier compared to my parents generation. My parents still use newspapers and television to get news. I can get the latest news happening in the world with computers and internet and can not get only information necessary for my work but also get entertainment.
Thus I would like to conclude that, changes in technology made my life much easier than my parents and they are much useful to my future generation .Every coin has head and tail, similarly every topic has it’s own pros and cons, it is every individual responsibility to make wiser decision.

[manuela.melo]

Well, I would just make some corrections, ok?

I believe you shouldn't put a comma here:
I strongly believe that, changes (...)

You should also say> When my parents WERE young. and when my parents WERE growing up.

I believe you'd do better if you said "They depended on postal service.. (...)" and "They depended on newspapers (...)" because the dependence in fact demands the need, so I think this term is unnecessary.

You should simplify one of the passages, I think that would sound better: "But now using the cellphone I can contact (...)".

With cellphones, an individual can talk to anyone from anywhere in the world and can send A message (or send messages)

and I can get not only the necessary information for my work but also (..)

Thus I would like to conclude that (no comma) changes in technology (...)

similarly every topic has its own pros and cons


ok?
I'm not a native speaker, so if I were you I would wait for another opinions.
But I hope I can help you.

Another little thing: Use the contractions. It's common, even in formal essays, use contractions like "It's", "Can't", "didn't". It's part of the language, it's not actually wrong, or coloquial. Ok?

Good luck!

[ymunag01]

Thanks for ur suggestions manuela.

[sushen.kumar]

yamunag01,
Essay topic was about the satisfaction of a generation, but you talk about how the technology made your life easier, so it seems out of treck buddy.
what is your say?

[kanthimathy.cse]

please evaluate my essay(argument)

" There is evidence that consumers are becoming more and more interested in growing their own vegetables.A national survey conducted last month indicated that many consumers were dissatisfied with the quality of fresh vegetables available in supermarkets.And locally,the gardening magazine Great Gardens has sold out at the village New stand three months in a row.Thus,we at Green Thumb Gardening Center can increase our profits by greatly expanding the variety of vegetable seeds we stock for gardeners this coming spring. "

What strikes most in this claim is the management’s wrong analogy.What is their goal?At first they talk about the quality of fresh vegetables then they conclude with company profits by expanding the variety of vegetable seeds.It looks as if the company plans to bring more variety of vegetable seeds that produce vegetables with the same quality.Instead the arguer could have mentioned what they are to do to improve the quality.According to the survey,people are dissatisfied only with quality and not with vegetable varieties.The argument is weakened by the fact that the company did not take into account the difference between quality and variety.

Secondly,the company assumes that people are dissatisfied with all varieties of vegetables available in supermarkets,which is not evident from the survey conducted last month.They could have easily been a particular variety of vegetable.The survey does not differenciate between vegetable varieties.In absence of such statistical information,the arguer can not come to any such conclusions.

Thirdly,the arguer assumes that all people who read gardening magazines can grow their own vegetables.This is not true because there are so many factors to be considered for vegetable gardening such as soil fertility,climatic conditions of the region,required amount of crop and so on.Plus,these factors differ for each crop variety.Many vegetable varieties are imported from different places We do not know what percent of people are ready to invest their time and energy in vegetable gardening.Owing to these practical difficulties,the consumers can not avoid supermarkets and go for growing their own vegetables.

In the view of above points it can be summarized that the argument has failed in providing momentous statistical informations to substantiate the arguer’s assertion and is flawed in many aspects.