Please, read my essay

[lime]

A person can achieve success by personal looks and dressing style than by good ideas. Do you agree or disagree?

There is a myriad amount of factors that influence on our success in life. As one of the most important factors often being considered the ability to think creatively and come up with important ideas and clever decisions. Such qualities as dressing or personal look are claimed as being of less importance and even sometimes almost inconsequential. Nevertheless, I strongly believe, that there is a bunch of situations when good looking appearance or personal beauty are making much more significant contribution in success rather than ability of engender productive ideas.
First of all, dressing style. Very famous proverb says "the stranger is being received by his exterior and being seen off by his behavior". Almost everyone of us is being interviewed at least once when we are looking for the job. Finding a good job is indispensable step to success. But even if one is answering all the questions and demonstrating his wit, vulgar color of the jacket he is wearing or dirty shoes could totally worsen the overall impression. As result, he will be rejected and definitely will not be closer to success. From the other side, accurate ironed t-shirt and burnished shoes will indicate at least the order in thoughts and will predisposes to one's personality just from the very beginning.
Moreover, personal look in a sense of personal beauty can also be of the great importance. For instance, one of the most important type of success for men is success with women. Good looking dandy with terrific grey eyes and dense curling black hair has more chances to attract girl rather than bald prudent nerd with big glasses even if the last one is much more developed as a personality and can be extremely interesting conversation opponent.
Summarizing, it is possible to say that despite obvious necessity to have an acumen to succeed in life, there are a lot of situations when personal appearance is of much higher importance. In that case tremendous contribution in success of personal good look is not commensurate to that of any creative ideas.

[sushen.kumar]

It seems you are connoisseur of vocab.Here i would like to suggest some changes

Originally Posted by lime

A person can achieve success by personal looks and dressing style than by good ideas. Do you agree or disagree?

There is a myriad amount of factors that influence on our success in life(There are myriad factors,which influencec our success). As one of the most important factors often being considered the ability to think creatively and come up with important ideas and clever decisions. Such qualities as dressing or personal look are claimed as being of less importance and even sometimes almost inconsequential. Nevertheless, I strongly believe, that there is a bunch of situations when good looking appearance or personal beauty (makes)are making much more significant contribution in success rather than ability of engenderING productive ideas.
First of all, dressing style. Very famous proverb says "the stranger is being received by his exterior and being seen off by his behavior". Almost everyone of us is being interviewed at least once when we are looking for the job. Finding a good job is indispensable step to success. But even if one is answering all the questions and demonstrating his wit, vulgar color of the jacket he is wearing or dirty shoes could totally worsen the overall impression. As result, he will be rejected and definitely will not be closer to success. From the other side, accurate ironed t-shirt and burnished shoes will indicate at least the order in thoughts and will predisposes to one's personality just from the very beginning.
Moreover, personal look in a sense of personal beauty can also be of the great importance. For instance, one of the most important type of success for men is success with women. Good looking dandy with terrific grey eyes and dense curling black hair has more chances to attract girl rather than bald prudent nerd with big glasses even if the last one is much more developed as a personality and can be extremely interesting conversation opponent.
Summarizing, it is possible to say that despite obvious necessity to have an acumen to succeed in life, there are a lot of situations when personal appearance is of much higher importance. In that case tremendous contribution in success of personal good look is not commensurate to that of any creative ideas.

Rest looks fine to me.
When are you going togive TOEFL?

[lime]

Thanks for reading! I also agree with your recommendations. That would sound much better. Vocabulary I'm using is from my GRE general test preparation that's why it could sound bookish. I'm taking TOEFL on July 12.

[sushen.kumar]

great!
Please update me about your TOEFL.

[vietscotch]

that's sound good.i think you will be a good writer.

[maaariiianne]

that´s a really good one. congratulations!

[T-TOTO08]

Originally Posted by lime

A person can achieve success by personal looks and dressing style than by good ideas. Do you agree or disagree?

There( is a)are myriad amount of factors that influence on our success in life. As one of the most important factors often being considered is the ability to think creatively and come up with important ideas and clever decisions. (Such )Q(q)ualities such as dressing (or)and personal look are claimed as (being of) less important(ce) and even sometimes almost inconsequential. Nevertheless, I strongly believe(,..note: don't use comma when you use that... only if you use the word which) that there (is a)are bunch of situations when good (looking )appearance or personal beauty (are...conjuction or is singular) is making (much) more significant contribution in success rather than ability of engender productive ideas.
First of all, dressing style. Very famous proverb says that"the stranger is being received by his exterior and being seen off by his behavior". Almost everyone of us is being interviewed at least once when we are looking for (the) a job. Finding a good job is indispensable step to success. (But even if one is answering all the questions and demonstrating his wit, vulgar color of the jacket he is wearing or dirty shoes could totally worsen the overall impression.... note..this sentence is dangling.. vulgar color of the jacket is modifying all questions and demonstrating his wit... so try to put the modifier phrase close to the subject). As result, he will be rejected and definitely will (not be closer to success... too wordy..try..not be successful. From the other side, accurat(e)ly ironed t-shirt and burnished shoes will indicate at least the order in thoughts and will predisposes to one's personality just from the very beginning...note.. this last sentence doesn't make sense...
Moreover, personal look in a sense of personal beauty can also be of the great importance.( For instance, one of the most important type of success for men is success with women....note..vague..try to repharase this sentence... what I understand here is the type of success for men is same for women) Good looking dandy with terrific grey eyes and dense curling black hair has more chances to attract girl rather than bald (prudent.. note..prudent is a good word but I think it is unnecessary to use it with nerd with big glasses.. doesn't have a connection from big glasses and prudent..) nerd with big glasses even if the last one is much more developed as a personality and can be extremely interesting conversation (opponent)partner. note... the last sentence is vague.. try to read it and you will see what I mean..
Summarizing, it is possible to say that despite obvious necessity to have an acumen to succeed in life, there are a lot of situations when personal appearance is of much higher importance. In that case tremendous contribution in success of personal good looks is not commensurate to that of any creative ideas.

...nice ideas... but need to minimize mistakes.. I saw some big words here, but all I can say big words is not always effective.. better use the simple vocabulary, where you will be confident that it is the apposite one....better focus on the topic development, structure, and mechanics of writing... hope it helps

[lime]

Thank you all guys for reading, especially T-TOTO08.
T-TOTO08 - your comments and corrections very helpful, I will try to follow your recommendations. Just now I realized that I was more concentrated on making up the content that fits my bombastic vocabulary rather than developing topic more pithy and trying to find good big words that would fit it.
Also have taken in account your grammar corrections.