vertical_horizon Posted August 17, 2002 Share Posted August 17, 2002 Hi everyone :p, my writing is very bad, so I wanna improve it here-one of the best of best site on toefl I've found :D. May you have a comment.. Topic 162 : Some famous athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollars a year. Do you think these people deserve such high salary?. Many people feel that some famous athletes and entertainers don't deserve to have salaries of millions dollars a year because they're too high. But as salary is the mesurement of one's work hard, high salary also expresses one's talent and people earning much contribute a lot to society, I totally disagree with that thought. Firstly, salary is the expression of one's effort to work hard. Those people are on top of the list of all etheltes and entertainers in the world, and to reach to such high positions they must take a lot of pains. Many of them spent long time, even most of the youth or life, training and studying continuously. For instance, lengendary cyclist Amstrong's first success took him tens of years. Or Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin had been waiting 23 years to get her first Grammy. We must admit that these ones' efforts absolutely deserves their salary. Moreover, one's success, expressed through salary, does not just simply base on working hard but his/her talents as well. 'Diva of Gospel' Mariah Carey could sing very well when jst 3 and first wrote songs when turning to the age of 5. One more example is Artist of the Millennium Madonna, who is not only known as a marvelous vocalist but also a talented actress. The last but very major reason is that those, besides the taxes they must pay, also have vital contributions to many charity foundations to help the poor and children.Many schools were built in poor countries for children to learn reading and writing. Many golden hearts can be named in this field like 'Sir' Elton John, U2 leader Bono or Football King Pele. All in all, we can't deny the efforts those have made, their wonderful talents and their contributions to the world. So I myself think these famous athletes and entertainers absolutely deserve their such high salary. ------- Well, this writing takes me 45' in total. I must confess that I'm kinda slow at typing :p (for this reason I'm considering hard whether choosing typing or hand writing in my actual test). Besides thinking of the ideas usually takes me 7-10 mins so there's not much time left to cover the rest of the essay. Time seems to be my biggest problem in this most- afraid section of mine [xx(].. Whatever..but thank God I found this site! Hope I'll get 6.0 after making friends with Erin & all of you here :D Thanxx a lot. Edited by - vertical_horizon on 2002 Aug 17 10:33:11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaya Posted August 18, 2002 Share Posted August 18, 2002 Hi! Hi everyone :p, my writing is very bad, Don't be silly! Your writing skills are pretty good. During the firts reading I found only 2 or 3 grammar mistakes in your essay. Just I didn't get your position at first. From the intorduction I got that you are against high salaries. I would give you 5.5-5.0 (5.0 only because of a bit confusing intro) (I am not a teacher, so don't believe every word I say) Besides thinking of the ideas usually takes me 7-10 mins so there's not much time left to cover the rest of the essay. I sugest you to look through all topic and mark some ideas. I know it's hard, but ... If you want to get the score 6.0 you have to give some efforts ... Just liek in your essay :) HTH! Renata Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vertical_horizon Posted August 19, 2002 Author Share Posted August 19, 2002 Thank you, Vaya :D for your pretty comments. I sugest you to look through all topic and mark some ideas. I know it's hard, but ... If you want to get the score 6.0 you have to give some efforts ... Just liek in your essay Yes, thats what I'm thinking of. I'm gonna do it right now. again, thanks so much, Vaya :D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psagarriga Posted October 25, 2002 Share Posted October 25, 2002 Hi Erin, I think that I will be participating at this "Toefl essay" forum (and maybe others) for some more weeks. Last week I failed my fist Toefl Exam, and I cannot fail it twice,.. first ... because is quite boring to study after dinner, .. second .. because I would prefer spending 100$ in other manners. That's why I will try to participate at the activities of this web site more than before. I find it very interesting, and helpfull. It makes me more friendly with Teofl. Further, I will have to pass the GMAT in march, so i NOT ready to leave. Some famous athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollars every year. Do you think these people deserve such high salaries? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. Some athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollars. It is my opinion that these people do not deserve so much money first because we live in a world where the disparity between poor and rich people is very large, second because these persons create less employment than others, and finally because is not proportional to the quantity of work they do. Nowadays, we are living in a world in which differences among poor and rich people is larger than during the past, and I do not consider a good thing that some popular persons could earn in one year so much money that other persons will never see during their entire life. Further, I personally consider that sport events as well as music entertainment are a kind of "culture" to which most of the people can not have access because of very expensive. I think that why the entry ticket is so high is because the artists or sportsman require a lot of money. I remember for example that some years ago I planned to see a concert of a well known international singer, and I ought to change idea because the price was so high than I would have to sacrifice too much of my activities. The same I could tell about most of the sport events. In the same way, most young persons would like to see their preferred football players, but they cannot because it would cost much more than that they could permit. Furthermore, I do not think that these persons deserve so high salaries, because they do not create so much employment as most entrepreneurs do. I appreciate more persons creating job opportunities, participating in this way at the increase of the country richness. Some famous athletes and entertainers earn plenty of money every year. It is my opinion that actually the difference between rich and poor is becoming larger and larger. It's hard for me to think that some persons could deserve to earn millions of dollars when other one, maybe with their same talent but not the same chances, have not enough money to live a normal life. If these athletes and entertainers would spend less than a small part of their millions to help poor people, I think they would earn more popularity too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vaya Posted October 27, 2002 Share Posted October 27, 2002 Hello Psagarriga! You made some grammar mistakes, but the biger problem is with organization... The last sentence is totally unnecessary. The 1st body para is too short. It lacks supporting ideas. You should cut a sentence (It's hard for me ... live a normal life) form the conclusion and put it into the 1st body para. The 2nd body para is too long and off-topic. It is about "concerts are too expensive", but how is that related with your topic? The 3rd para is very confusing and I am not sure if I undertood you correctly. In the intro you wrote "and finally because is not proportional to the quantity of work they do". There should a para about his sentence, don't you think so? In the conclusion you can rephrase your general ideas (but don't put there any supporting ideas!) or you can make some generalisation of your ideas. Like: for all above follows ... And your ideas... hm... they look somewhat odd. As phoung said: "Firstly, salary is the expression of one's effort to work hard." And you say that despite one's hardest work or killing efforts noone can earn a lot because people in Africa are poor... Anyway, you have quite good writing skills, but you should practise more and try to improve organization. Post all questions, remarks or doubts you have. HTH! Renata Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psagarriga Posted October 29, 2002 Share Posted October 29, 2002 Hi Ranata, I thank you for your remarks. I find them very usefull . I think I should pass more time thinking to the subject and write down the outlines more attentively. Sometimes I start writing an essay being in a hurry, because I consider half an hour a very short time, and then, I make confusion with my ideas. Bye Pier Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joyyoj Posted December 1, 2003 Share Posted December 1, 2003 Hey....Hi there!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I am expecting some feedbacks Thanx! Topic #162: Some famous athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollars a year. Do you think these people deserve such high salary?. Some people assume that the entertain business provides too much money for celebrities because being a celebrity is a easy job. However, in my view, I believe that celebrities and famous athletes deserve to earn high salary. Three supporting reasons are outlined as follows. To begin with, the celebrities: athletes, movie stars and musicians, definitely make a fortune from their jobs. Although, these famous people have to dedicate their private lives to public, in other words, they become one of the public’s attentions. For instance, some celebrities, such as Madonna and Michael Jackson, they have to leave far away from the city in order to avoid being chase by their fans all the time. Secondly, these celebrities can not live their lives like normal people. Some models have to keep their good shape by working out everyday and eat only vegetable and fruit. Can you live your entire life like this? Moreover, the famous people are in so much pressure because they have to make themselves look great in front of the public all the time. Lastly, the famous people have to face with gossip news and comments everyday. Both good and bad comments but mostly are bad because the public are naturally hunger for knowing other people business especially terrible secrets in the past or a failure. Thus, reporters will follow the celebrities in every move until they make a mistake that can become the front page for their newspaper. In short, being a celebrity might not be a bad idea since you can earn million dollars a year. However, if you are a celebrity, you will not have you own privacy much. Many people want to know about you and definitely want to know about your secrets, such as your relationship and your past. Therefore, I strongly believe that the celebrities deserve high salary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ccll11 Posted December 18, 2003 Share Posted December 18, 2003 The passage ask whether the athelte and the entertainer deserve the millions of the money according to their work.The answer for this question is they deserve that large amount of the money. Firstly,not all of the atheletes or the entertainer can make great amount of the money,only those very famous athelete and the entertainers can make a lot of money.For those people,they should make the great effort to be famous that they can make money at the end.For the althelete,they will be very hard for them to exercise themselves everyday,the money,the time,and their decision is unthinkable for the common people.And for the entertainers,they should also make great effort to achieve their goals,someone just sing on the street before they are famous.So that these people is not easy to be famous and make those money,they deserve that,that is the suitable repay for them. On the other hand,not only the atheletes but also the entertainers comfort us greatly.Just think about when you sit in the theatre,you look the film or look the performence of the artists,you will enjoy them a lot,and it is the enjoyment in your mind.And if you are the football fan,when you go to the play ground to look the match,you also will feel relaxed and entertaining.Those are the work of the altheltes and the entertainers,they should have the good repay for their great works. The millions of the dollars pour into their pockets is not the easy task to achieve,that is the result of their efforts to succeed,not everyone can do that,they either lack the decision to do that,or they just lack the talent to achieve that.The atheletes and the entertainers gain that money just because they deserve that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobo Posted January 10, 2004 Share Posted January 10, 2004 Hi everyone, I'm desperate; what do you think? Some people think that celebrities like athletes and musicians earn too much money from their activities. In my opinion, being a top personality in sport, music or movies industry is not an easy job; I think they deserve every dollar they earn. Being a top personality in a very competitive area, like sport or music, depends firstly on talent. Musicians, actors and athletes of success are persons who born with a special talent; they are gifted, but they have to work hard to cultivate their talent and to improve their skills. Additionally, being talented is not enough; each musician, for example, have to find his own “recipe” to success. Especially modern music is very changeable; each year brings a different fashion in music. The taste of the public is not always of a good quality. So, success depends not only upon talent, but also upon external factors like taste and quality of the public. Speaking about athletes, I also consider that the best of them, the world and olimpic champions deserve all the money they earn, because they push the limits of the human being always ahead. To do that, an immense quantity of work is necessary and they have to sacrifice everything else, with no guarantee for success. Celebrities’ life is not always easy. They have to live practically in the permanent public attention; their private life doesn’t belong to them; they are always hunted by reporters and photographers; their most intimate happenings are on the front pages of the newspapers almost every day. On the other hand, when an entertainer copies the style and sometimes more than that from another one, and he brings nothing new in his creation, my opinion is different and I think they doesn’t deserve neither our love and attention, nor our money. In conclusion, I think athletes and entertainers deserve to earn so much money because of their talent, hard work and innovative ideas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheju Posted January 20, 2004 Share Posted January 20, 2004 hi evryone all comments r welcome Some famous athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollars every year. Do you think these people deserve such high salaries? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. In my opinion I think many people do not deserve such high salaries , these entertainers hardly find place to keep all these money they buy vacation homes , golf clubs and hotels inorder to invest their money in something . This is one of the major roots cause to create a class in the society we live . As a result we have high class people and low class and the middle income calss. Millions of dollars are earned through concerts and televison shows which are watched by the children and adults. On the other hand there are numerous kids in the state waiting for a adoption. People lying down without balnkets on a cold winter night . Money which is in surplus amount can be given away to many charities .One million dollar is the amount an hollywood movie star makes in a year these if these money are given to the charity and local funds it would be of great benefit for up building numerous housing projects and developmental schemes for which they lack funds and keep numerous fund raising programs organized by schools churches and community people. When these high earning people could give out luxurios ways of living and earning it would bring out a world wide change , the world would be a better place to live in, there would no children crying for food and no poverty in the African and third world countires, there would not be a death reported due to cold wether nor masses of people wil be left uneducated and homeless in streets. World would be a better place to live peace and harmony would prevail as everyone would have sufficient amount of money to meet their daily basic needs.This would in turn make the government to save enough amount for money for disastrous relief such as earth quakes and fire accidents . In conclusion I would like say big atheles and entertainers donot deserve such high amount of salary and to lead a luxurious life when there is one part of world suffering in hunger and poverty and many children left to die in huger and poverty.. I would strongly suggest the government to abolish the high paid jobs as this creates a utter turmoil and leaves the world in division thus destroying the peace and harmony. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sheju Posted January 23, 2004 Share Posted January 23, 2004 hi I think u ahve drifted away from the topic Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sveta Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 Hi Joyyoy! I liked reading your essay. ;)The thing I'd like to suggest you is that it would look nicer if you could make it more on the topic. I mean that your paraghaphes describe different sacrifices of celebrities. So as I understand it's the reason why you think they deserve high salaries. It would be better if you made it more clearly and also added some other reasons. Also I've read suggestions somewhere in this forum that it's better not to use the phrases like "as follows", "folllowing reasons", etc. in the introduction, but better to make some general statements about them. As to me I don't think that such phrases spoil the essay, but maybe it's really better not to use them. All the best! Sveta Originally posted by joyyoj Some people assume that the entertain business provides too much money for celebrities because being a celebrity is a easy job. However, in my view, I believe that celebrities and famous athletes deserve to earn high salary. Three supporting reasons are outlined as follows. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ditoman Posted January 27, 2004 Share Posted January 27, 2004 Some famous athletes and entertainers earn millions of dollars every year. Do you think these people deserve such high salaries? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. I am not native speaker. If my words or meanings are not correct, please reply. Many people feel that some famous athletes and entertainers don't deserve to have salaries of millions dollars a year because they're too high. But as salary is the mesurement of one's work hard, high salary also expresses one's talent and people earning much contribute a lot to society, I totally disagree with that thought. -->In the last sentence, isn't it cogruent to conclusion? In the last paragraph, presumably, you agree the fact that some famous athletes and entertainers deserve such high salaries. But in this sentence, you said that you disagree. Do you write it correctly or do I misunderstand? --->Is "one's work hard" correct? Isn't "one's hard work" or "one's hard working" correct? If this is my mistake, sorry to my stupidity. --->Is "high salary" correct? Isn't "a high salary" correct? If this is my mistake, sorry to my stupidity. Firstly, salary is the expression of one's effort to work hard. Those people are on top of the list of all etheltes and entertainers in the world, and to reach to such high positions they must take a lot of pains. Many of them spent long time, even most of the youth or life, training and studying continuously. For instance, lengendary cyclist Amstrong's first success took him tens of years. Or Queen of Soul Aretha Franklin had been waiting 23 years to get her first Grammy. We must admit that these ones' efforts absolutely deserves their salary. --->Is "salary" correct? Isn't "a salary" correct? --->Is "Those people" ambiguous? The sentence means that "Those people who are on top of the list of all atheltes and entertainers in the world may have tried to reach such high positions and they must take a lot of pains.". Is this correct? --->Is "etheltes" correct? Isn't "atheltes" correct? Moreover, one's success, expressed through salary, does not just simply base on working hard but his/her talents as well. 'Diva of Gospel' Mariah Carey could sing very well when jst 3 and first wrote songs when turning to the age of 5. One more example is Artist of the Millennium Madonna, who is not only known as a marvelous vocalist but also a talented actress. --->Is "working hard" correct? Isn't "hard working" correct? --->Is "jst" correct? Isn't "just" correct? --->Is "One more example" correct? Isn't "another example" correct? The last but very major reason is that those, besides the taxes they must pay, also have vital contributions to many charity foundations to help the poor and children.Many schools were built in poor countries for children to learn reading and writing. Many golden hearts can be named in this field like 'Sir' Elton John, U2 leader Bono or Football King Pele. --->I think that "very" had better be omitted. All in all, we can't deny the efforts those have made, their wonderful talents and their contributions to the world. So I myself think these famous athletes and entertainers absolutely deserve their such high salary. --->This paragraph is not congruent to first paragraph. ----------------------------------------------------------------------- Finally, third and fourth paragraphs do not have closing sentence. So these 2 paragraphs does not give me the feeling of ending. A fifth paragraph is short in that it does not have generalization. In my thought, if closing sentence is added to the third, fourth and fifth paragraph, this essay will be more perfect essay. I give this essay the score 4.5~5.0. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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