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egebatu · 08-06-2008, 08:17 PM

Could you correct my essay please?

Topic: Why do you think people attend College or University?

Attending College or University can be seen as a milestone in someone’s life. When this issue is stated, most of the time youth also comes to mind, but this doesn’t show that people who are not young can not take decision of attending College or University.

At the age’s of 20’s or towards 20 people dream about having good jobs, earning huge amount of money at least enough to have good life conditions, having many supporters (fans) as an actor, composer etc.., or being respected by public as a political figure. Whatever the reasons, they strongly believe that higher education will be the key to reach their wishes and to make their dreams come true. Although we are under this basic assumption, this can not be the only answer to give to such a question. People who have different aims for their future attend University to make themselves have talent and capacity to think, evaluate, assess the issues in a different manner from any ordinary people in order to have their own mark in their sector, business etc. Being aware of all these facts, people attend, at least show inclination to attend higher educational institutions. If all these points are assumed to consist of more than %90 of the whole reality behind question of why people go to university, a small percent of that fact might be attributed to the fact that some especially very young people go to those kinds of places to make easier to find girl or boyfriends. All these reasons could be the answer but it should be remembered that everybody has own reason arisen form their history, background etc.

To sum up, the counted reasons can be classified as two main groups, common reasons and individual reasons. As longs as these current circumstances continue to prevail people will have the same reasons and wishes to attend college and university like their descendents.

Mono · 08-08-2008, 03:18 PM

Good essay, vocabulary is good. I was not able to find any grammatical mistake. But I think you have to elongate it by adding a short paragraph. That is where this essay can lose marks.
Those are my views, let me know if u agree or not.

serarcag · 08-09-2008, 04:21 PM

you have problems with count and noncount nouns, and you need to organize better your essay. Write a more extensive introduction and conclusion and divide the middle paragraph into a few shorter ones.

egebatu · 08-10-2008, 09:29 AM

thanks for your assessment and fruitful coments on my essay, l will try to take into consideration what you have advised.

egebatu · 08-10-2008, 09:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mono

Good essay, vocabulary is good. I was not able to find any grammatical mistake. But I think you have to elongate it by adding a short paragraph. That is where this essay can lose marks.
Those are my views, let me know if u agree or not.

many thanks for your good comment. l am thankful for you.

08-06-2008, 08:17 PM	#1 (permalink)
egebatu Trying to make mom and pop proud Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 8	My essay Could you correct my essay please? Topic: Why do you think people attend College or University? Attending College or University can be seen as a milestone in someone’s life. When this issue is stated, most of the time youth also comes to mind, but this doesn’t show that people who are not young can not take decision of attending College or University. At the age’s of 20’s or towards 20 people dream about having good jobs, earning huge amount of money at least enough to have good life conditions, having many supporters (fans) as an actor, composer etc.., or being respected by public as a political figure. Whatever the reasons, they strongly believe that higher education will be the key to reach their wishes and to make their dreams come true. Although we are under this basic assumption, this can not be the only answer to give to such a question. People who have different aims for their future attend University to make themselves have talent and capacity to think, evaluate, assess the issues in a different manner from any ordinary people in order to have their own mark in their sector, business etc. Being aware of all these facts, people attend, at least show inclination to attend higher educational institutions. If all these points are assumed to consist of more than %90 of the whole reality behind question of why people go to university, a small percent of that fact might be attributed to the fact that some especially very young people go to those kinds of places to make easier to find girl or boyfriends. All these reasons could be the answer but it should be remembered that everybody has own reason arisen form their history, background etc. To sum up, the counted reasons can be classified as two main groups, common reasons and individual reasons. As longs as these current circumstances continue to prevail people will have the same reasons and wishes to attend college and university like their descendents.

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08-08-2008, 03:18 PM	#2 (permalink)
Mono Trying to make mom and pop proud Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 11	Good essay, vocabulary is good. I was not able to find any grammatical mistake. But I think you have to elongate it by adding a short paragraph. That is where this essay can lose marks. Those are my views, let me know if u agree or not.

08-09-2008, 04:21 PM	#3 (permalink)
serarcag Trying to make mom and pop proud Join Date: Jul 2008 Posts: 13	you have problems with count and noncount nouns, and you need to organize better your essay. Write a more extensive introduction and conclusion and divide the middle paragraph into a few shorter ones.

08-10-2008, 09:29 AM	#4 (permalink)
egebatu Trying to make mom and pop proud Join Date: Aug 2008 Posts: 8	thanks for your assessment and fruitful coments on my essay, l will try to take into consideration what you have advised.

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