Appeal Letter

[gchoi363]

This is my appeal letter to UCSB

Dear Committee Members,

I am writing to appeal my admission decision Thank you for your careful decisions on the admissions. However, UCSB has always been on of my top choices for few reasons. UCSB has one of the most excellent biology and pre-med programs in undergraduate department and I believe by being able to attend to this school, I would be able to gain a significant knowledge and interest towards the major which I wish to major in.
Throughout high school, I have always believed in taking on difficult challenges to be interesting. Aside from the positive reason, I spent my freshman year to junior year filled with advancement placement and honors courses due to selfish reasons such as appearing to be intelligent. This thought process clearly turned out to be ineffective and negatively affected me as a student. The pressure I received from courses which I was not capable of taking turned into unwillingness to work, thus leading to procrastination and lower grades.
Realizing what my limits were, I decided to spend the senior year continually doing extracurricular activities while taking courses which I could manage. The courses remained just as hard with less amount of work, but aside from the academics, one of the awards which I received was for being the most active person in the volunteering club. Due to constant volunteering, I was unable to attend to more than half of the Science Olympiad meeting. But this has turned out to be one of my biggest accomplishments. After spending the time which I had left on preparing for Science Olympiad competition, I was able to win second place in the Science Olympiad team. I have also continued to be involved in the track and filed team at school. Some of the major accomplishments which I have made in the team this year were becoming part of the varsity team and becoming the team captain of my particular event. I have also been taking in part of the physics bowl team, which is planned to compete at a national rank.
A minor mistake which I had made on the acclimation was the English course which I had failed during freshman year, which does not satisfy the “a – g” requirement. I have been taking an online course from BYU in order to satisfy this requirement and will be testing to bring the failed grades higher to a passing grade.
Although I have spent most of my high school years under my selfish reasons, my selfishness has further allowed me to realize what my limitations were act according to it. With all respect, I would like to ask you to reconsider my application once more.

Any grammatical error as well as content suggestions are what I'm looking for. Thanks in advance to anybody who will be commenting.

[Erin]

Originally Posted by gchoi363

This is my appeal letter to UCSB

Dear Committee Members,

I am writing to appeal my admission decision Thank you for your careful decisions on the admissions. However, UCSB has always been on of my top choices for few reasons. UCSB has one of the most excellent biology and pre-med programs in undergraduate department and I believe by being able to attend to this school, I would be able to gain a significant knowledge and interest towards the major which I wish to major in.
Throughout high school, I have always believed in taking on difficult challenges to be interesting. Aside from the positive reason, I spent my freshman year to junior year filled with advancement placement and honors courses due to selfish reasons such as appearing to be intelligent. This thought process clearly turned out to be ineffective and negatively affected me as a student. The pressure I received from courses which I was not capable of taking turned into unwillingness to work, thus leading to procrastination and lower grades.
Realizing what my limits were, I decided to spend the senior year continually doing extracurricular activities while taking courses which I could manage. The courses remained just as hard with less amount of work, but aside from the academics, one of the awards which I received was for being the most active person in the volunteering club. Due to constant volunteering, I was unable to attend to more than half of the Science Olympiad meeting. But this has turned out to be one of my biggest accomplishments. After spending the time which I had left on preparing for Science Olympiad competition, I was able to win second place in the Science Olympiad team. I have also continued to be involved in the track and filed team at school. Some of the major accomplishments which I have made in the team this year were becoming part of the varsity team and becoming the team captain of my particular event. I have also been taking in part of the physics bowl team, which is planned to compete at a national rank.
A minor mistake which I had made on the acclimation was the English course which I had failed during freshman year, which does not satisfy the “a – g” requirement. I have been taking an online course from BYU in order to satisfy this requirement and will be testing to bring the failed grades higher to a passing grade.
Although I have spent most of my high school years under my selfish reasons, my selfishness has further allowed me to realize what my limitations were act according to it. With all respect, I would like to ask you to reconsider my application once more.

Any grammatical error as well as content suggestions are what I'm looking for. Thanks in advance to anybody who will be commenting.

You need to come up with a good reason why you really need to go to UCSB rather than to whatever other schools you got into. It was a really, really difficult year (again), so chances are most likely going to be slim.

This is a good start, but make it clear why UCSB is good for you. And if you can highlight some concrete, demonstrable reasons (for example, you live near UCSB and will return home on the weekends to help your family with their business), that should help.

Just to clarify--you're a California resident? What schools did you get into?

[walt526]

"UCSB has one of the most excellent biology and pre-med programs in undergraduate department and I believe by being able to attend to this school, I would be able to gain a significant knowledge and interest towards the major which I wish to major in."

I would re-word "most excellent" with something that reads as more professional. But honestly, leading with a praise of the school isn't going to get you anywhere. They are well-aware that they have a strong biology department.

Also, "the major which I wish to major in" is poor grammar. Only use the word "major" once and do not end with a preposition. I'd also eliminate "interest."


"Throughout high school, I have always believed in taking on difficult challenges to be interesting."

I'd find a way to re-word "taking on difficult challenges to be interesting." It's grammatically awkward.


"The pressure I received from courses which I was not capable of taking turned into unwillingness to work, thus leading to procrastination and lower grades."

This statement really doesn't help make your case: when faced with difficult courses, you simply lose motivation? As tough as your high school classes were, they're going to be immeasurably more difficult when you take them at a UC on a quarter system (believe me, I did my under at UC Davis). Say something along the lines of being immature early on in your high school and state it clearly in the past tense.


"Realizing what my limits were, I decided to spend the senior year continually doing extracurricular activities while taking courses which I could manage."

Again, admitting that you can only thrive when taking a light course-load is not something that a UC wants to hear from a prospective students.


"The courses remained just as hard with less amount of work"

As I said before, the fact that you may have struggled while taking a less ambitious course load is not something that you want to highlight to the admissions committee.


"Due to constant volunteering, I was unable to attend to more than half of the Science Olympiad meeting."

Eliminate this sentence entirely. It makes it sound like you are unable to adequately manage your time, which is not what you want to be projecting. Also, a high rate of absence die to overextending yourself undermines your earlier claim that you now know your limits.


"I have also continued to be involved in the track and filed team at school."

I think that you mean "field" not "filed." Also, just an aesthetic opinion, but it would be cleaner to just say "my school's track and field team" rather than end the sentence with "at school."


"A minor mistake which I had made on the acclimation was the English course which I had failed during freshman year, which does not satisfy the “a – g” requirement"

I'm pretty sure that you mean "application" not "acclimation."


"I have been taking an online course from BYU in order to satisfy this requirement and will be testing to bring the failed grades higher to a passing grade."

Don't say "higher than passing grade." You're projecting that you set the bar really low for yourself. UC's don't want applicants who struggle to meet the bare minimum; they want students with the competence and dedication to excel in academics.


"Although I have spent most of my high school years under my selfish reasons, my selfishness has further allowed me to realize what my limitations were act according to it."

This sentence (essentially your conclusion) needs to be stated in a clearer manner.


I don't say this to be mean, but I highly doubt UCSB will change their admissions decision based on the case that you outlined. Your explanation for apparently underachieving in high school comes from internal factors (immaturity) rather than something external (family tragedy of some sort). And even in the case of the latter, reversals of admissions decisions are incredibly rare. Basically they just offer the process to short-circuit lawsuits.

If you absolutely most go to UCSB, then your best option is to spend a few years at a community college and then transfer under the TAG. Although it may not be what you pictured, realize that about 1 out of every 5 UC student is a transfer (vast majority of which from a CA community college) and that 1 out of every 3 BA/BS degrees awarded by the UC system is earned by a transfer student. So it is possible to complete your first few years, transfer, and enjoy success. Some of my smartest classmates at UC Davis were community college transfers.

Good luck.