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praveen17
07-11-2010, 12:59 PM
"Seven years ago, homeowners in nearby Brookville community adopted a set of restrictions on how the community's yards should be landscaped and what colors the exteriors of homes should be painted. Since then, average property values have tripled in Brookville. In order to raise property values in Deerhaven Acres, we should adopt our own set of restrictions on landscaping and house painting."

The given argument brings out the fact that ,Brookville community property have been raised his property value due to the restricrion in landscape and colouring of exteriors of houses. So,In order to increase the value of deerhaven,restriction should be adopted for landscape and coluring the exterior of houses.The argument is flawed by the following reason.

First, The author says the property value is raised due to restriction in landscape and colouring .But it is not worth convincing,because the value of property can be raised by some other reasons also.The restriction could not be the main reason for the increase in the value of property.

Secondly,The author didnít tell about the current value of Brookville and Deerhaven property.The value of property might be based on basic ameneties like Transport,Shops,Industries available nearby.So the value of Brookville can be raised based on basic ameneties obtained during seven years. Moreover in the period of seven years property value of Brookville had raised but author fails to tell about increase in value of Deerhaven property.

The restriction in the landscape and colouring may contribute to increase in the value of property,But we cannot say it is the main reason for increase in value.The author fails to say about the development in seven years of both Brookville and Deerhaven property.

We cannot assure that by adopting the restriction in Deerhaven,the property value can be raised.Moreover the author fails to compare about the sources available near to Brookville and Deerhaven.So if more details were available about sources and prices it will be worth for conclusion.

azure86
07-18-2010, 06:58 PM
I think your essay is a little bit on the short side.

You can add examples here and there to increase the length without digressing from the topic or talking non-sense just to fill in the space.
For example, in the 2nd paragraph starting with "First, The author says the property value is raised due to restriction in landscape....," you can add examples of things other than landscape and coloring that can contribute to the property value.

Also, maybe because it is just a practice question, your format is not quite "polished". Pay attention to things such as basic punctuations etc. You capitalized randomly like "Secondly, The author..." or "value of property,But we". I know that minor grammar or punctuations would not affect your score significantly but in a short essay like yours, more than one mistake like that can really stand out in a bad way.

praveen17
07-19-2010, 11:31 AM
thanx dude..

anothergreian
07-19-2010, 12:57 PM
My suggestion would be not to paraphrase the argument again and present it more than once. It certainly reduces the value of what you are actually going to emphasize.
Next thing, I could not find anything substantial other than Para-3. Rather than beating the bush jump directly to the points you want to highlight. The evidences which you have provided should have been emphasized more. What I mean to say here is atleast devote 1 line each for how better transport,establishment of industries or companies, or development of that particular region could have augmented its growth. Moreover, the time span across which rates of the houses have tripled is not something noteworthy. Adding to this, it might be possible that the house rates for few houses have increased because they are adjoining a newly established national highway. In this case it might be possible that the rate of the remaning houses have remain unchanged. So before implementing the strategy proposed we must also take into consideration all these factors.

Hope this helps!

---------Another GREian-------------