PDA

View Full Version : Please criticize and rate my essays!



goodvery
09-16-2010, 09:56 PM
Hey guys, next week I am taking GRE. Could you comment on my essays? Thank you in advance.

ISSUE TOPIC: Many analysts argue that population growth is causing most ot the earth's major problems. They recommend that nations impose mandatory restrictions on the number of children that their citizens can have.

RESPONSE:The issue of imposing mandatory restrictions on the number of children is a controversial one. On the one hand,
population growth brings about the world's cardinal problems. On the other hand, it is an important freedom
for people to choose how many children they would have. However, in the final analysis, I believe that nations
have to impose restrictions on the number of children that their citizens can have.

Firstly, global warming, which is one of the most significant problems in the world today, stems from population
growth, since growing world population changes the composition of the gases in the atmosphere by consuming
excessive energy. To begin with, energy is largely produced by burning fossil energy sources everywhere in the
world. With the increase in the world population, the need for energy also goes up significantly. Therefore,
use of fossil energy sources which lead to global warming increases. According to scientists, this might be
the cause for the world to end. Consequently, preventing population growth may be a partial solution to global
warming.

Secondly, use of limited water resources is an important problem the world faces with. With the impact of global
warming, the world's water resources have begun to become in jeopardy. Moreover, due to the fact that rapid
population growth, available water per person is following a declining pattern. Researchers point out that
if this pattern could not be reversed, the world war III will stem from the struggle for accessing to water.
As can be seen, unless a new method to produce or access to more water sources, there is no as efficient way
as reducing the world population.

Finally, huge crime rates in cities all around the world are result of population growth. To begin with, the
growth of world economy is not as rapid as population growth. This leads to unemployment of people. Hence, these
unemployed people transform into psychologically unhealthy mass with tendency to commit crime. As a consequence,
it is important to have as much people as the world economy can afford.

To sum up, introducing some quota on the number of children people can have is a must nowadays because global
warming, problem of water resouces in danger and excessive crime rates problem can only be solved by slowing
rapid population growth down. In order to make the world better for all of us and for next generations, some
freedoms may be and must be sacrificed. Otherwise, neither we nor our children will enjoy the world's benefits.

ARGUMENT TOPIC: A new testing procedure would reduce the number of flawed parts that make it to the market by catching these parts before they are packaged and shipped to retailers. Proponents of this new procedure argue that it should be instituted in all of ABC Company's factories because it will increase the efficiency, and therefore reduce the costs, of manufacturing these parts. They argue further that reducing the costs would allow them ultimately to manufacture many more parts, and to increase ABC Company's profits exponentially.

RESPONSE:The argument that the new testing procedure should be instituted in all of ABC Company's factories is not
entirely convincing, since it makes some critical assumptions and never clarify them.

Firstly, the argument assumes that all of ABC Company's factories need the new procedure to increase
efficiency. On the other hand, the efficiency level of the factories is not mentioned in the argument. It is
not certain how much efficient these factories are. Furthermore, another important question is how much
increase in efficency can be obtained by the new procedure. Consequently, the argument has to explain why the
new testing procedure is needed by each single factory of ABC Company.

Secondly, the argument omits the institution cost of the new testing procedure. It states that the new
prosedure would reduce costs by improving efficiency. This might be true, but if the adaptation to the new
procedure costs more than the reduction in manufacturing costs by means of improvement in efficiency, it is not
the optimal strategy for the factory to institute the new procedures. Hence, the argument has to mention the
institution cost of this new testing procedure.

Finally, the argument never adresses the market demand of the parts that ABC Company produces. It points out
that the factories can produce many more parts thanks to reduction in costs and then ABC Company enjoys a
significant increase in profits. This statement assumes that the market demands many more parts than ABC Company
currently produces. However, there is no evidence that this assumption is true throughout the argument. As can
be seen, the demand issue has to be dealt with for the argument to be more persuasive.

To sum up, this argument has crucial flaws because of its assumptions that all factories need to increase
their efficiency level; that there is no adaptation cost of the new prodecures and that the market demand is
much more than the current production of ABC Company. It is highly likely for the argument to be more cogent
by clarifing these assumptions.

propensity
09-18-2010, 08:17 PM
essay response is great. it will easily earn 4.00-5.00.

Pls rate my essay here
http://www.urch.com/forums/gre-awa/124363-please-rate-essay.html#post815103

mili
10-01-2010, 06:17 AM
THis is essay for TOEFL Independent writing please rate it.


Topic: Do you prefer to live in small towns or big cities.




In my country,agriculture was primary occupation of people and most of them practiced in small villages. Since,the development of the country began in big cities most of the people moved to these cities. The primary reasons for their shifting to cities were education,facilities and opportunity.


First,schools in big cities provides a very good education. Teachers are selected depending upon their qualification and teaching abilities. Schools maintain a standard performance of each student for instance, if a student fails he is rusticated. On the other hand,schools in small town are very few in number and they hardly have separate teachers for each subjects. Therefore, people prefer big cities to get proper education .


Second,big cities have more opportunities for career. There are many multinational companies,banks,etc. Schools and colleges have many fields to study. People get a wide range of options to choose as their career and move forward to work in it. People get chance to work as an interne when they are in college. This help know their area of interest and increases their confidence.


Finally,big cities have all facilities which are easily available. For example, to go to school or colleges there are bus facilities and even there is no power cut. However,small towns faces all these problems because they are not developed .


In conclusion,there are more benefits for people living in big cities than small towns. It is necessary to live in big cities in order to get good education,all facilities and more opportunities in life.

Debasish
10-16-2011, 05:04 AM
Hello Friends,
Please review the essay I wrote today. It took around 40 minutes ! 10 minutes more of course but I can make it in 30 minutes next times. Please analyze the quality of this essay:

Competition for high grades seriously limits the quality of learning at all levels of education.

An overtly high competition inversely affecting the quality of education plays a serious concern in the mind of students all over the world. These competitions at times seem so outrageous that it often it is found to be outliving its utility. This necessitates thoughtful incision into the essence of educational and subsequent examination that is meant to measure the amount of learning from the education. Competition in such a situation runs deep in an attempt to perform better, and to such an extent that students resorts to fraudulent measures in order to achieve higher grades. Yet inappropriate measures by some individuals could not be considered a factor affecting the quality of learning.
Competition is not a new phenomenon, it existed from primeval periods of human existence, and infact could be found in various other species of animals and plants as well. Darwinian theory of 'Survival of the fittest' highlights this and is explained as a number of individuals competition for a scare resource. Competition in education similarly tend to filter out the students with better mettle. Ignoring for some time the fraudulent measures taken up by some students an educational competition is a healthy ground for enhancing the students learning. At least for the purpose of clearing their exams many students start studying their coursework and pays more attention towards the lectures and notebook. Consider how will an educational curriculum be without examinations - mostly if not all of them would tend to by pass their studies and an eventual degradation in their learning.
Modern day educational system acknowledges the inherent flaws and has achieved fool proof measures to tackle the same have been taken up. Learning by rote in older days involved cramming up the texts; examinations for such learning could have been easily tackled by students by copying from their books. Some other students are found threatening the examiner or bribing. Modern education as such have come up with novel means like testing the students aptitude, or asking questions beyond what is taught in class, but which requires a good understanding of the class work. Computer based examinations like GRE, TOEFL have almost mitigated these erstwhile apprehensions.
To sum I would like to enunciate that competition is essential for the students learning to be enhanced.