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uchicago
04-13-2005, 11:18 PM
please comment. after i get a feel for what others are looking for, i'll jump in on the "grader" side. thanks!

The following appeared in a memo from the business manager of Medicine, Inc., a local drugstore.

"Most business analysts for the drugstore industry have stated that even when a nation's economy is weak, drugstores' profits are unlikely to decline appreciably. While consumers might put off some kinds of purchases when the economy is slow, prescription and over-the-counter drug purchases are dictated by consumers' health needs, which are independent of the economy. Therefore, Medicine Inc. is likely to continue to have increasing profits and should plan to open an additional drugstore next year."

While drug purchases enjoy a less volatile relationship with the economy, whether Medicine Inc. should open an additional drugstore next year remains dubitable. There are other factors that must be considered before making such a formidable investment. Given the state of the economy, the company should proceed cautiously and more fully examine the circumstances.

First, Medicine Inc. must recognize the multitude of profit streams associated with drugstores. The sources of income are not restricted to drug sales alone; sustainable drugstores must draw profit from sales such as food, toiletries, electronics. A retreating economy dampens the expected profit from these sources and should the economy be weak enough, drug sales alone may not be able to support the costs of a new drugstore.

However, even the argument that predicts drug sales to be constant may be flawed. The company's portfolio of drugs is not limited to those that address compulsory health needs. This assumption ignores the large number of accessory prescriptions associated with all drug sales. While hypertension medicines will always be required, many other drugs can be foregone for a short period of time. Such prescriptions treat conditions that span from erectile dysfunction to arthritis pain, conditions that can be endured during a recession. Lost income from these patients will surely affect Medicine, Inc's profit margins.

Beyond these considerations, economics dictate a necessary equilibrium between price and product. If Medicine Inc. ignores this reality, the company will invite competitors to lure loyal customers through lower drug costs. Should Medicine Inc. remain stubborn regarding drug pricing, the company will witness the likelihood of established clientele shifting their endorsement to other companies. While the economy will eventually recover, the damage of losing customers will be longer lasting.

Given the dismal forecast of next year's economy, Medicine Inc. is advised against opening an additional drugstore. Even if drug sales remain high, other factors preclude this benefit. The company must resist the desire for immediate profit and consider the implications of a sustained, weak economy.

danislava
06-24-2005, 12:36 AM
Uchicago,

First of all, good work. I have a few minor comments.

I may be wrong, but it seems that you are jumping into the introduction too fast. It doesn't sound bad at all, yet perhaps you could ease in a bit as far as the first sentence goes. Could you begin with something more general? It seems like you are starting with your thesis.

Can you change the order of the second and third paragraphs. The first sentence of the third paragraph seems odd (However, even the argument that predicts drug sales to be constant may be flawed.) If you switch the paragraphs, the essay would flow better. You could start your third (formerly second) paragraph with something like, "Nonetheless, if the estimates of Medicine, Inc. were correct,... This would provide for a wonderful connection between paragraphs.

Although your third main point is excellent, it is not entirely connected to the rest of the essay. The discussion of prices came unexpectedly, and perhaps you'd like to start the paragraph with an introductionry statement that would ease in this new topic.

Other than that, good work. :tup: Your language is forceful and precise, and the GRE evaluators are looking for exactly that!

Good luck!