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silvanioreis.pen
08-30-2003, 04:10 PM
:( Hey guys !! I took my first TOEFL TEST August 29th, and I need to get 213pts on CBT. My final score without the essay is 170 !! To achieve my wished score I have to take 4.5 in essay. This is my essay: Is that possible?

topic:

Some people choose friends who are different from themselves. Others choose friends who are similar to themselves. Compare the advantages of having friends who are different from you with advantages of having friends who are similar to you. Wich kind of friend do you prefer for yourselves? Why?

A great diference is what a good friend is made of. There are people who prefer the same kind of friends, once they have the same behavior. On the other hand others prefer friends with diferent ideas in order to get life experience.

Some people are stuck to the same kind of friends because they have the same idea, what makes them more united to win obtacles. Furthermore they have the same principles, been as just one unit.

In other thinkings, having friends with diferent tendences make their lives much better, wich can be very profitable. Other reason by wich a great diference is beneficial is that diferent ways in order more experience.

So, it is very important to have friends with diferent manners making you more prepared to face the world and adding credits in your life experience.

hoper
08-31-2003, 02:37 AM
Originally posted by silvanioreis.pen

:( Hey guys !! I took my first TOEFL TEST August 29th, and I need to get 213pts on CBT. My final score without the essay is 170 !! To achieve my wished score I have to take 4.5 in essay. This is my essay: Is that possible?

topic:

Some people choose friends who are different from themselves. Others choose friends who are similar to themselves. Compare the advantages of having friends who are different from you with advantages of having friends who are similar to you. Wich kind of friend do you prefer for yourselves? Why?

A great diference is what a good friend is made of. There are people who prefer the same kind of friends, once they have the same behavior. On the other hand others prefer friends with diferent ideas in order to get life experience.

Some people are stuck to the same kind of friends because they have the same idea, what makes them more united to win obtacles. Furthermore they have the same principles, been as just one unit.

In other thinkings, having friends with diferent tendences make their lives much better, wich can be very profitable. Other reason by wich a great diference is beneficial is that diferent ways in order more experience.

So, it is very important to have friends with diferent manners making you more prepared to face the world and adding credits in your life experience.

How come you can remember the whole essay! If this is the whole passage, I'm afraid that this one would be far too short and thus can't get what you want. The word count shows 139 words only.
Frankly speaking, you don't have examples to support your ideas.
Sentence structure is often uncompleted.
Without a clear introduction, and conclusion.
A lot of spelling mistakes, like different, tendency,which, obstacles, etc.
An essay scored 4 should have the following properties, quoted from ETS web:
1 addresses the writing topic adequately but may slight parts of the task
is adequately organized and developed
2 uses some details to support a thesis or illustrate an idea
3 demonstrates adequate but possibly inconsistent facility with syntax and usage
4 may contain some errors that occasionally obscure meaning

Ricky
09-21-2003, 12:40 PM
hey silvanioreis.pen

You might have received your final scores .How much did you get? I hope might have got what you wanted.

I am asking because I also got the same essay as you. So I am bit curious to know how can I get in my essay.

I will appreciate your reply.

thaiva
09-21-2003, 06:41 PM
Hey silvanioreis.pen,

As ricky said : You might have received your final scores .How much did you get? I hope might have got what you wanted.

Let us know what you got,

Good Luck & Best wishes,

Tim [bounce]

coh
09-22-2003, 10:19 AM
Hello Silvanioreis.pen,

I also want to know your final score. Could you tell us?