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Thread: Please critique my first AWA effort !

  1. #1
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    Please critique my first AWA effort !

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    ESSAY QUESTION: "Since key personal traits that make a good leader are formed during oneís childhood and youth, formal training can only refine rather than cultivate true leaders.Ē


    YOUR RESPONSE:
    The quotation talks about a very widely debated topic and hence is likely to evoke strong reactions from readers. I, however, expressly and unequivocally disagree with the argument. I have several strong reasons and past experiences, which i shall expound on briefly, that make me disagree with the quotation.

    My first objection to the quotation stems from my firm belief that leadership is a very impersonal trait. Unlike, personal traits and habits, i sincerely believe that leadership qualities can be learnt and refined. History, they say never lies. It would hence be prudent to turn the pages of history to find whether leaders of the past were born leaders or evolved into one. The very first name that would jumps out of the pages is that of Adolf Hitler. Never before has there been a leader that has been so successful at commanding the respect of his followers in deeds that were contrary to human ethics and morales. However, nowhere do we find evidence that Hitler exhibited leadership acumen in childhood or in early youth. Those periods of his life can at best be described as very normal devoid of signs of things to come.

    History, also shows that more often than not, circumstances produce leaders. Ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances rise to extraordinary levels and exhibit behavioral traits unknown to even their near and dear ones. The example that best illustrates this is that of Mr. Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi, popularly knows as India's Father of the nation. As a child and in his early youth, Gandhi was no different from any other boy his age. He shared the same love for money, flashy lifestyle and women that boys and young people of his age had. All that however changed when he found himself being treated as an untouchable and second grade citizen in South Africa. It was the circumstance that forced him to take over the leadership of the downtrodden and fight for their rights.

    Another very pertinent fact that would be worth pointing out would be the existence of Schools and Institutions that specialize in teaching young minds the nuances of being a good leader. Such schools and institutions produce professionals that go on to lead organizations and countries with great success. Had leadership been a trait that could not be learnt, and could only be acquired during ones childhood and early youth, these schools would be admitting kindergarten students and not grown up professionals, that they do now.

  2. #2
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    I think you have written good essay. I feel that you also need to emphasize on negative aspect of the topic, in this case you may want to pick an e.g of a person who was leader by birth and further point out that he never succeeded. You know what I mean. This makes your argument strong. I feel you have biased your essay on one side. you need to bend it towards the other side and straighten it back with strong argument.

    Sturcture looks good. And you have strong points. Have as many small paragraphs as possible and have logical relation/transistion if possible between them.

    Well I am not an expert on writting essays...but this is what I think might help....

    hope that helps..

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