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Thread: Can someone please rate my GMAT AWA issue essay on the grade of 0 to 6

  1. #1
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    Can someone please rate my GMAT AWA issue essay on the grade of 0 to 6

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    Can someone please rate my GMAT AWA issue essay on the grade of 0 to 6. Kindly provide some suggestions to improve the same.I wrote this essay in exact 30 mins and can't think of anything else except from the things that i mentioned in it. I feel that i need to work on the process of my thinking with respect to examples and reasons. Please share your feedback on my essay and some advice to improve it would be really helpful.

    Topic - “People’s loyalty to political parties and political leaders significantly hinders their ability to form their own opinions
    about an issue."
    Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons
    and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.


    Essay -

    Some people think that it's difficult to form their own opinion while being loyal to a poltical party , while others think that being loyal to a party don't stop you to think and to form your own opinion. This issue is definitely debatable one but a clear and non biased examination exhibits that if you are loyal to some party then it doesn't mean that you cannot have your own opinion about some issue.

    People who support some party , are a social element at first place. They have there own thinking and their own point of view for every aspect of their life and the issues around them. If they strongly believe about some party and its views , then it is obvious that party's view matches with the people who support them. Now if at some point of time party's views doesn't match with the people who have supported it then there will definitely be some conflicts and no party or no policy can stop a person's thinking. There are so many examples that illustrate the same.

    History has its own varieties of examples where a party supporter has done the adverse things for party at some point of time, where he or she was not aligned with party on some issue. At the time of World War 2, Many Germans who used to be great supporter of Nazi Party initially , fought against Nazi because they were not in favor of Hitler’s views and his decision to destroy Jews . Their strong belief in Nazi party got weaken when they realized that Nazi party's view are not aligned with their views.

    The origin of democratic system itself is the biggest example of this. We have seen in our life that every time when we have election in our respective democratic countries then we were never sure that which party is going to win and by how many votes. If party's views would have been so much influencing on people's thinking then a voter would have always voted for a particular party . And if this would have been the case then there would have not been a shocking win or defeat in any election in any country.

    In Conclusion , A person's thinking is not governed by the party he supports , rather it is the party whose views are governed by the people who supports it. If some party neglect this fact then it is difficult for the party to survive for long.

  2. #2
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    For me, your essay is good. Maybe I can give it a rating of 5. The only thing I can suggest is to make a hanging end by which your readers would come to think and would ask themselves where only themselves can answer. You can ask for an essay help if you think you need some more idea about my suggestion.

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    My Two Cents

    Thank you for your time scribbling your essay, first of all.

    I suppose you have to pay heed to
    - subject-verb agreement
    - singular/ plurality form

    Also, I would suggest you to use
    - multifarious connectives
    - various sentence structures
    - pronouns to avoid repeating

    This said, you may consider
    - learning more glossaries
    - thinking of more examples

    Overall speaking, much room for improvement in synthesis.
    The first idea shows that you do not agree with the statement.
    The second idea has tangential agreement with the statement

    As you postulate that the issue is debatable, under what circumstances would this be true?
    While your stance in this issue does count, you have to think from both sides, nevertheless.

    I dare not to give a definite numerical score to it, but may I propose my marking in the attachment?
    Attached Files Attached Files
    The LORD is my providential shepherd worthy of approbation and accolade.

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