Introductory paragraph is too short. Even though it addresses the task fairly well, it lacks elaboration of the idea.
Development of the topic is fairly limited.
Ideas were not connected properly and adequately.
The language usage is not to-the-point and accurate, and limited range of lexical and structural resources utilized.
Conclusive paragraph is missing.
Poor response overall. TOEFL iBT Raw Score 2.0 out of 5.0. (IELTS score: 5.0 bands)